Monday, January 31, 2011

The Second Date: The Red Shoes, Passion and... a Bad Decision?

Last post: Niceguy11 and I were getting to know each other after the excitement of our sexy first date.

After our first date, Niceguy11 and I continue to get closer and closer.   We text a lot throughout the days and try to talk every night.   He is a good listener and I feel safe telling him anything.    The week was a busy one for both of us, he had to go to the west coast unexpectedly for most of it.   We tried to keep in touch as much as we could.  The time zone did make it more difficult to actually talk.   

It’s kind of funny because when we did talk, it was about us and feeling out parameters of a relationship.  We talked about our kids and our work schedules, traveling, favorite dinners, even discussing house chores. 
However, when we text we get deep into “Dirtytown”.    It’s almost like having a conversation with another person or something.  Our texting goes into things like lingerie, orgasms, turn on’s etc.   These things really don’t come up when we are talking on the phone.  Why is intimacy so much easier via text?  Hmmm…
In our phone conversations, he brought up some drama he is having with his daughters.   One of them is angry at him for moving out and “breaking up their family”.   He is holding his tongue to protect her from the truth about his mom and her cheating.     She was really upset and blowing up his phone the night we were at the wine bar on our first date.  So, now I understood why he was so absorbed with his phone that night.  Being the great dad he is, I can tell how much this is truly upsetting him and I wish I could think of the right words to console him. 
His hotel room overlooks the beach and he sends me a picture to tease me.  I’m watching it snow again and expecting school to be closed tomorrow and the kids to be home from school (again!).   He complains about having to make small talk over a steak dinner at his business meeting while I’m eating leftover Spongebob Macaroni & Cheese out of the pan. I kinda want to punch him in the face… lol.
I’m really looking forward to our date this weekend, kissing him and feeling wanted again.  He teases me about the red shoes and I joke that I don’t think I have anything to wear them with.   Truth is I’ve known what I’m wearing for our date all week.  I have some khaki pants that I’ve picked out.  Every time I wear them I get random comments about my ass.    I have on a black sweater twinset that shows off the rack a little, but still tasteful.  I have the red heels, a red belt and purse to finish it all off.    
It felt great to get ready for a date and trade in my two layers of sweat pants and sweatshirts.   I straightened my hair, put on makeup and felt just right.   I couldn’t wait to see him and I know he really needed to unwind from the week.   Driving to the restaurant, I wondered if our chemistry would still be there or if it would feel different somehow.
We arranged to meet in the bar at our local Italian restaurant for dinner.   He had a vodka and cranberry waiting for me after texting me and pretending to be my personal cabana boy.   When I arrived, I was greeted with a construction worker like whistle, a really big hug and a long, almost too long kiss.   He noticed the shoes right away and he loved them.
I could see him visibly relaxing and he said something about how it felt good to not have to make small talk for a change over dinner.    As I ordered my steak, he joked about being sick of steak and ordered a seafood pasta dish.  We exchanged bites of each other’s dinner and flirted shamelessly all night.  He kept ordering me a fresh drink and I lost track of if I had 3 or 4.  
We shared the most delicious chocolate dessert, a flourless chocolate cake.  He playfully offered me the first bite and then took it away before putting it in my mouth.   I made intentionally long eye contact before I said, “I will remember that, and you WILL pay for it.”  He returned the long eye contact and I really wanted him to kiss me right then.
When dinner was over and I stood up, the drinks caught up to me.   I felt really relaxed but safe with him.    He offered we go back to his place, knowing I still had to get home at a relatively decent hour tonight.   We went back and turned on some music and just relaxed, kissing and ya, well just lots of kissing, everywhere.   This time it was me slowing things down, I wasn’t ready to sleep with him.  He agreed and said that he wanted more but didn’t want to take it further tonight.  We ended up dozing off in each other’s arms for a few minutes.  
When we awoke, he smoothed out my hair and drove me back to the restaurant and my car.    He made sure I was ok to drive and I assured him that I was.  He made me promise him to text him I got home safely and I said I would. 
Being in my cold car woke me up quickly and I drove the long way out of the parking lot to the main entrance and parking lot of the Irish Pub.   When I saw Putter’s car, my stomach dropped and my heart started thumping hard.  
(Read who Putter is in: "The first date: nervous jitters, little white lies and hot kisses.")
I tried to talk myself out of doing something stupid.   It sounded great in my head, but that just didn’t happen.
The Single Mom

Next:  Are the feelings over between Putter and me?


Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Fresh Start with A Nice Guy (Niceguy11)... After our First Date...

Last post:  A perfect date with an authentic nice guy, Niceguy11 at the cozy Wine Bar.   The conversation and the drinks flowed.   The night ended with very passionate kisses and promises to see each other soon

On the drive home I changed the radio station from the usual hip hop music station I normally listen to, to the love song station.  (I had to hunt it down, I don't listen to it much... I kept replaying the night in my head.  It was about as perfect as a first date could be.   We laughed, we shared and there was so much passion.   He is an incredible man, attractive, funny and kind.  He is also a really great dad which is one of the most important things to me.  So, knowing he loves country music is pretty easily forgiven, lol.     

He is a little older than me, just 8 years and a manager at a manufacturing plant.   He’d been in the same job for several years and even does a lunch time bible study on Tuesdays.   The hardest part would be not allowing myself to completely fall in love with this almost perfect man.   I kept trying to think of what could be the hitch, is he gay, does he have to take little blue pills, is there a bloody axe in his trunk?   What the hell could it be, there had to be something...

Pulling into my driveway and walking to the front door felt like walking on a cloud. Although it was freezing cold out it didn’t phase me in the least.  It was a magical night walking under the stars and the bright moon to my door.  I kicked off my shoes and chuckled about the black high heels and our little inside joke.   I texted him, “I’m home xxxooo” and headed upstairs for bed.   While removing my makeup and clothes I just kept grinning about how perfect the night was.  I could literally feel my heart beating in my chest and I was hoping he was thinking of me too.   

My phone on my nightstand buzzed and I opened his text that said “Next time, wear the RED shoes! Xxxoo”   I smiled and went off to sleep with a huge smile on my face.

He was my first thought when my eyes opened the next morning I was hoping that everything that happened the night before wasn’t a dream.    Slowly, opening my eyes to my furniture pushed to one side of my bedroom, taped walls and spackled holes, it made the day before all come back in my mind… running errands, buying the shoes and of course spending the evening with Niceguy11.  

This morning started in a similar way like the day before, brewing the morning’s coffee, taking the dog out and looking outside to see the sunshine over the snowy white backyard.   Yet, everything seemed more ideal somehow, the coffee smelled better, the snow in the backyard seemed like it had a handful of diamonds tossed out over the snow, everything was just more beautiful somehow.  I sighed, feeling so happy, remembering him kissing me, us laughing together.  It was hard to believe that everything could be so different in just a 24 hour period of time.  I wouldn't even say I was smiling anymore, it was more like an ear to ear grin.

 After feeding the dog, starting a load of laundry and drinking the morning’s coffee, I head back up to work on my painting project.   Of course, I take a detour to check my phone.  I’m so ecstatic to see a text from Niceguy11, “Good morning, gorgeous!”.     I’m trying to debate the perfect thing to say  back.   After typing a few things that just sound too corny, I backspace through them and just say a simple “Good morning, baby”.   I tell myself I don’t want to make it look like I overdid it or anything… ya, that works...   He sends me back, “Happy painting”.  He knows I hate to paint so I know he is poking his elbow in my ribcage and I laugh at this teasing.

I’m ready to paint but distracted.   All my supplies are ready but still can't stop thinking of him.    I feel like a teenager, I check our horoscope signs to see if we are compatible  (I do this as I’m getting to know someone.  I know it’s silly, but I do it anyway.  I only put stock in what it says if i like the guy and the horoscope agrees that it's a good match. lol)   It says we are a good match sexually, but a long term relationship could be rocky.   Hmmmm…. I’m going to ignore that last part. 

I’m ready to get on my project and the day flew by because I was consumed with getting it finished. The fresh coat of paint makes everything feel new and even the smell triggers me to think of new beginnings.   This was my marital bedroom and hasn't been painted in more than 15 years, yikes it needed it!  It felt great to be making this my own and kept wondering if Niceguy11 would ever spend any time in here... hmmmm. 

Niceguy11 and I exchange flirty and sweet texts all day.  After a quick run to the grocery to stock up for lunches for the week, the boys come home and we share dinner before it’s time to get in the groove for the new week ahead.  Niceguy11 and I talk that night and set up a date for mid week this week, so it feels great knowing we will see each other soon.  I'm so excited to see where this goes and tell myself, "I'm sure there is no bloody axe in his trunk" or anything else to be concerned about. 


The Single Mom

Next time: A harried week, unexpected travel and unplanned "baggage" surfaces.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

First Date with Niceguy11, The Cold Saturday Night Heats Up, part two

Last post: First kiss with Niceguy11 on a first date, flirty conversation and cocktails...

We both pull back reentering the reality of being in the wine bar, yet not exactly wanting to.  Our eyes are still locked on each other and we are both reaching for each other’s hands instinctively.  In my mind, I’m picturing his grey flannel sweater and slacks in a crumpled pile on the floor next to my bed.   I’m pretty sure that his thoughts aren’t too far from mine as I’m running my index finger over his hand, from the tip of his middle finger down to his wrist.   I don’t mean to but I’m aware that as I’m looking at him, I’m biting my lower lip.  It seems a little too cliché but I don’t think he cares too much about that right now.  

At just about the same exact moment we both exhale and say “Wow’.  I can only speak for me, but it is just about the only word that I can access right now.   I have to consciously make myself breathe.  On perfect cue, our waiter appears with our appetizers and fresh drinks.    This drink goes down much quicker than the first; the conversation likewise flows perfectly between bites of the spinach artichoke dip and sips of the martinis.  

I couldn’t be feeling any more dreamy than in this moment, hearing Harry Connick Jr. crooning about love, feeling the warmth of the fire, sharing the company of this wonderful man and well the vodka didn’t hurt much either, just sayin…  We talk about everything from music, favorite concerts, movies and travels.   We then dare each other to share most embarrassing moment stories and expose just a smidgen of our concealed (or not so concealed) geeky sides.

Our loud laughter at each other’s awkward moment stories echoes loudly in the bar as we suddenly become aware that we are the only customers left.  We both check our phones and are surprised that it is now almost 2 am, and we have been talking for five hours.  The waitresses and waiters are feverishly counting money in registers, bussing tables and don’t seem concerned at all with our lingering.   Niceguy11 does however get our waiter’s attention for our check and ignores my offer to contribute.  I tell him thank you and we have a very quick kiss to punctuate the moment.  He mentions that he is paying despite being teased and ripped off by me not wearing the red shoes. 

As we are collecting our coats and scarves and preparing to leave this cozy cocoon of the wine bar, and reenter the cold January evening we are both acting coy about the prospect of seeing each other and having full calendars.   He opens the front door for me as we both walk outside, jolted by the cold winter air.   

We easily spot our cars since the parking lot is empty and ours are the only two there.    The sky is clear and the moon is shining brightly as I back up against my car facing him.   He places his hand firmly on the back of my head and our mouths were on each other’s in seconds.   We couldn’t have been any closer as his whole body was pressed against me pushing me against my car.  I could feel how much he wanted me and it was mutual.  

My mouth opened up to him and the way he kissed me told me that if we ever made love, it would be incredible.  His hand moved from my waist to my ass and he pulled me closer to his body in one movement.  

I envisioned in my mind having an angel on one of my shoulders and the devil on the other, just like in movies.  The angel was telling me that it was time to stop kissing now in a very nagging voice.  I was thinking to myself, “Screw that!” and the devil gave me a thumbs up and a wink.  My “third date rule” now seemed silly and my body was telling my brain that the rule was ridiculous.  As we were kissing, he breathed something that sounded like “I should stop” and I nodded in agreement while intentionally kissing him harder.

He pulled back and stopped kissing me, saying that we should both go before we went too far.  I knew I’d be grateful for his self-discipline eventually, but I wasn’t feeling that way right now.    I thanked him again for the evening .   He made me promise to text him when I got home to let him know I arrived safely.   We exchanged a couple more quick kisses before I got into my car and drove home.


The Single Mom

Next time: Another date with Niceguy11... after many years of dating disasters, could this finally be a keeper????   Also: more from an ex, and why was Niceguy11 so engrossed with his phone?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

First Date with Niceguy11: The Cold Saturday Night Heats Up

Last post:  Last minute Saturday night plans with a new man, Niceguy11, and playful banter about me not wearing the red shoes he wanted me to wear, instead wearing black ones.

He crossed his arms and stared at me like a parent does to a naughty child.  He knew I was being intentionally obstinate and through the “stink eye” face he was trying to pull off, I knew he was charmed by my little defiant act.  He made a playful comment about dealing with a bad girl.  The long eye contact we held after that comment relayed how attracted he was to me and I could feel my body relax a bit and be myself, whew!.

We were interrupted by a waiter carrying a tray of two drinks in martini glasses.  The intimate moment we were sharing was obvious to him and I could tell he felt a little awkward having to appear just then.     As part of the presentation, he lit the tops of the drinks on fire after setting them down.   The quick flame was a little jolt that brought us out of our trance.    The drink was delicious and made my whole body feel warm.   While drinking it I have to admit I was absorbed watching him drink and thinking about kissing him.

We couldn’t stop talking.   Being with him felt more like catching up rather than meeting someone new because we had so much in common.   Our marriages unraveled for similar reasons and he completely understood feeling alone in a marriage. I felt connected with him as we talked because he knew the empty feeling I described and he nodded his head when I talked about it.   We were both able to make little jokes about it now looking at it as a part of the past.  

We talked about our children and I could instantly tell that he was an incredible dad to his two grown daughters.   His tone of voice and his facial expressions changed when he talked about them as he pointed to a picture of the dark haired beauties on his phone.   Their faces resembled him in many ways and I knew he was wrapped around both of their fingers.   His voice started to weaken and crack as he talked about how the divorce affected them.  As their nearly 20 year marriage was falling apart, his exwife started having an affair.   The girls suspected it but he was too protective of them to expose their mom’s indiscretion.   I reached across the table to put my hand on top of his to comfort him and he seemed to genuinely appreciate the gesture.  

I don’t want to or do I recommend wallowing in the “exfiles” for long on a first date, or really any date, but the triage of a failed marriage is an obligatory and important conversation to gauge potential relationship material.  Please don’t misunderstand that if the answers are acceptable here, that I’m going to instantly pull out my wedding planning notebook and write "Mrs. Niceguy11" on the cover, dotting the I’s with crystal hearts.   However, it is important to know that someday the possibility could exist of running through Bed Bath and Beyond registering for gifts and arguing about thread counts and towel fluffiness.

As he speaks, I’m taking in every detail of his face, his mostly greying head of hair, a hairline that is sneaking back behind his forehead, his piercing blue eyes and his soft lips.  I’m trying to not be too obvious about staring at his lips, but I’m not sure I’m pulling that off.    I’m getting out my imaginary wooden clipboard, questionnaire and red marker, however  I cannot find much we don’t agree about.   Our most passionate argument was about his love for country music. We had a playful fight about whether toilet paper should roll from the top or bottom (TOP, duh!).    Our banter is playful and we both have to fight smiles as we pretend to have a spirited debate over toilet paper.   He takes this moment to bring up my defiant act of not wearing the red shoes and his feigned anger about it.   I think I’m being more slick than I actually am when I promise to wear them on the second date.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hot New Shoes & Hot New Man on a Cold Saturday Night...

Last post:  Reading through emails from the online dating site, lots of "interesting" guys, including a real witch and one nice guy, (Niceguy11)

Saturday morning’s first thoughts were about the creepy witch guy and those glaring eyes.   I must have been dreaming about him and my conscious was trying to kick in and make the vision of him disappear.  One more irrational thought slips in as I wonder if deleting his email triggered some kind of revenge spell and my dating life would be somehow cursed.  Nah, I tell myself I’m being irrational… plus could it possibly be a lot worse?    

As I go downstairs to start the day and the morning coffee, thoughts of the emails I traded last night with Niceguy11 fill me with happier thoughts.  The morning's coffee and thinking of him warms me up on this cold winter's morning.   I debate with myself to conjure up the nerve to call him.  I don’t want to seem pathetic but he did really seem sweet and genuinely interested in me.

The day’s plan includes a trip to Home Depot for paint and miscellaneous stuff to redo my bedroom.  (translation: making it look like a single girl sleeps here)   I’m hoping a fresh coat of paint, new curtains and rearranging the furniture will erase the bad memories made in this room during my marriage

I have a night out with friends tonight, so all in all it should be a really good Saturday.   I decide to check emails and Facebook before I hit the shower and start checking off my list for today.   I’m happily surprised to see an email from Niceguy11 that he sent late last night with sweet goodnight wishes.   He is really starting to get to me and maybe restore hope a little. 

As I’m online I get a text from my creepy long distance stalker.   He is right on schedule, a text just as I sign on… perfect.  I promise myself I’m going to start ignoring him and hope that it makes him stop eventually.  

I decide to text Niceguy11,  I send him a quick hello and good morning text just before I run into the shower.   When I get out of the shower, I have a text from him and he just keeps amazing me with how romantic he is.   He said “Good Morning, Beautiful.  I was just thinking of you.”   We exchange a few cute and flirty texts back and forth as I’m getting dressed for running Saturday errands.

Monday, January 24, 2011

A Menagerie of Freaks + One Nice Guy = My Inbox

Last entry: after our first date, “Herbie54” was coming on strong with me, then he had a sudden realization that he had unfinished feelings for his ex and cancelled a date with me.  In a weak moment, I drunk texted my ex, “Putter” (who broke up with me just before Christmas)...
I’d really love to say that “Putter” texted back and was thrilled to hear from me but that didn’t happen at all.   He did send me back a lame courtesy text but it was obviously charity and nothing else.  I reread it three times looking for something to hold onto, some little nugget of hope but it just wasn't there    It really hurt but made me realize that it was time to put my feelings for him in the past.   Sometimes we need a glass of cold water thrown right in our face for us to see reality and that text was that for me.   It was time to move on.
So, I did what any self-respecting (or not) single girl would do... I poured myself a big glass of red wine and I signed back on to the dating site to check my emails.  Hmmm… let’s see… well there is the guy who lives 2 hours away who is obsessed with me who texts me whenever he sees me online.  It’s creepy because it's like he waits to see me online, then I magically get a text at the same exact time (creeeeepy).   Nice... this time it is a sweet poem about me, it's charming and makes me smile and feel uncomfortable all at the same time.

Some goofy looking guy sent me a crappy form email, which irritates the stuffing out of me.  It is written in broken English and I'm suspicious that he is a scammer.   I opened another email from a dude who looks like he could be my grandpa who wants “friends with benefits”.  I’m sorry but there aren’t enough rufies on the planet to make that happen, grandpa sorry!  I'm in my 40's -- not Betty White, this old man surely needs new trifocals.  Or maybe he thinks "friends with benefits" is some kind of health care plan.  Either way, I'm out.

Is this really my life?   REALLY?   Maybe the "crazy cat lady" gig is a better idea... I like cats - I don't love them, but it does sound a hell of a lot better in this moment.   My expectations aren't altogether unrealistic: somewhat attractive, a nice guy, the ratio of teeth that he has is greater than the ones he doesn't.   Is that so much to ask for, I don't think so.   Maybe cats are the way to go.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Freaky Friday: The Top 8 Freaky Emails I Have Received (Adult Content)

It still amazes me when I look back on my dating diary and some of the experiences that have happened along the way.    When I first started dating again I was so naïve and have learned so much, some the hard way.   Before my marriage, I had romantic, attentive and loving boyfriends.   So my expectations of going back out onto the market in my late 30’s were that I’d have similar experiences.  WRONG!
My first year and a half of dating felt like a really bad Lifetime movie.   I shedded my religion teacher, PTA mom,  white picket fence persona and was thrust into the middle of a nightmare relationship with an extreme bad boy.   Let’s just say, I learned my lesson quickly on the bad boy thing.  My perfect man now is 90% good with 10% bad.  J
I literally started online dating after a few glasses of wine when a girlfriend grabbed my computer and created my profile for me.   My therapist at the time recommended that I date a vast array of men, go on as many dates as possible and meet lots of different types of men.   I took her advice that summer and there were weeks I had 6 dates a week.     Thinking of that now exhausts me, but it taught me a lot about what I want and more importantly what I don’t.  
In the same amount of time, I could have earned a bachelors degree and been on my way to a masters, lol.  I do feel like I know a lot about dating, many of my friends come to me now for “coaching” and advice.  Funny thing is, when I’m into someone, I lose all of my "game".  I know what I SHOULD do, but that doesn’t always happen.  It's so easy for me to give someone else advice, but when my feelings are involved, my brain flies out the window.
With that being said, I do know a lot about dating, but relationships are murky waters to me.  Taking advice about relationships from me is like taking marital advice from Tiger Woods.   However,  I do want a long term relationship, so I’m hoping I can figure it out, and soon.
So, since this is my “Freaky Friday” blog, I thought I’d share the 8 Freakiest (& Funniest)people who have emailed me. 

  • A man whose screenname started with “Diapers” (ironically his headline said something like, "Why is love so hard to find?"

Thursday, January 20, 2011

After the First Date: Cold Feet, Creeping on Facebook and "Confirm Now" to Delete

Friday morning was a flurry of meetings, errands and attending to my sick son at home.  I was so busy that it didn’t occur to me that I hadn’t heard from Herbie64 until lunchtime.   We had our first date earlier in the week, it went well and we have been talking and flirting every day since.
I texted him a quick hello.  He replied back asking how my day was.   He sent me a text saying he was having a horrible day and wasn’t feeling well.  I sent him well wishes and an offer for him to let me know if he needed anything.   He replied back short and sweet.   
I spent Friday night with friends and didn’t from Herbie64 at all.   On Saturday morning, he texts me that he isn’t feeling up to going out tonight and apologizes.  Reading this text really annoys me, not that he is sick, but that he didn’t call me cancel.  I reply back with something gracious yet laced with obvious irritation.  
An hour later, the phone rings while my son and I are traveling to our local Target.  We went out searching for a popular, new video game that he wanted to buy with his Christmas money.  Herbie64’s voice is shaky and he began with an apology for cancelling.   An explanation followed and he said that the day before there had been some “Baby Mama Drama” and that it was the reason he was feeling so badly.  It also made him realize that he wasn’t completely over her and that a date would be a bad idea. 
My irritation quickly turned to understanding and I appreciated his honestly, offering friendship if he needed it.    This wasn’t the moment to throw in his face that he had grilled me so much about my feelings for Putter and him professing multiple times that he wanted to move forward with me.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

After the First Date: Flirting, Facebook and Future Plans

The morning after our first date, I smile and sigh as I open Herbie64’s good morning text.  It has been in my inbox for a couple of hours before I have the chance to open it.  I’ve packed two school lunches, fed and took out our dog, tracked down matching socks for both boys, downed three cups of coffee and answered a handful of emails and drove one to school after missing the bus, before even thinking of checking my texts.
The first chance I had to look at my phone was while stopped behind a line of cars behind the elementary bus boarding the students.    His text says, “Good morning, sexy”.  I flip down my visor and look in the mirror and it says otherwise.  A sloppy ponytail and remnants of mascara from the night before were irrelevant details compared to having to make the mad dash to middle school on time.  Scraping the layer of ice off of my windshield and arguing with him about why he needs to go to school despite the tummy ache du jour took precedence over primping. 

I read that text and the next two, “thinking of you” followed by “Wow you are a GREAT kisser!”.  I guess I really did “bring sexy back” last night lol … today however is a very different story.    I feel a little like a jerk that I’ve not gotten back to him, so I do so now, being thankful and trying to muster up a little sexy mojo.  I hope it fools him because I’m not fooling myself.
Before our first date, he sent me a friend request on Facebook, tracking me down somehow… a little creepy no doubt.  I reluctantly added him because I didn’t want to look like I was hiding anything.  This morning his status was about how he had a great day yesterday and life is good.  The message was a little cryptic, but no doubt intended for me to read.  During the day we continue texting, he says he can’t wait to see me on Saturday and that he doesn’t want to wait that long.   I’m keeping some distance but still flattered. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The First Date: Nervous Jitters, Little White Lies and Hot Kisses

Lipgloss? Check.   Cute outfit?  Check.   Breath mints in pocket? Check.   

Tonight is the first date with "Herbie64"  I'm driving to our meeting place, replaying our phone conversations in my head and thinking of subjects to keep the discussion flowing.  What were his kids names again?  I know one started with a "J" ... did they both?   Maybe I should have worn the red blouse - does this show too much cleavage... or maybe not enough??? 

Our conversations have been great - a mixture of humor, warmth and sharing.  They ranged from our kids, our work, books read and about grieving the loss of our mothers.  We had a lot in common and there were no awkward silences between us.   I'd asked the obligatory relationship questions, "prequalifying" him for long term material, check.   

I get his text that he is there five minutes early waiting for me in a black Honda.   I'm circling to stall and collect my thoughts.  For me this is always the hardest part of meeting someone new.  Am I what they expected?   Do I look like my pictures or is he going to be disappointed?   Do I have something hanging out of my nose ("bats in the cave" )?  

During my drive to the restaurant, I'm wondering if he is checking off a similar mental checklist... almost makes me want to spy on him to see if he is looking up his nose in the rearview mirror too... almost.

As my final minutes are counting down, I get reassurance from Steven Tyler singing "I'm back in the saddle again.  I'm baaaaaack!"  Hell ya, Steven I AM back, thank you very much!  Back from wallowing about "Putter" and ready to meet someone new.  (Just because I chose the restaurant that Putter and I always went doesn't mean ANYTHING... or at least I'm trying to convince myself of that.)

I've stalled enough and the song ends as I pull in the spot next to the black Honda.  He smiles and we both exchange cheesy waves, opening our doors simultaneously.  He hugs me warmly, and says that I'm even more beautiful than in my pictures (Ha, take that, Putter!).

We walk inside the restaurant, choose a table and remove our coats.  Our waitress comes over quickly and recognizes me but doesn't make it obvious, which I'm thankful for.   We both order beers and they arrive fast, the conversation is already going very smoothly.  He is smiling and making a lot of eye contact.   The dialogue is a continuation of those we've had on the phone, not missing a beat.  We laugh, ask deep questions and talk about adjusting to life without our mothers. 

I excuse myself to use the restroom, and he playfully teases me that I'm going to sneak out the back door.  I subtly reach for my coat to continue the joke and we both laugh.  

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Facebook + Dating = Awkward Situations... (I swear this stuff only happens to me...)

My relationship  with Facebook is kind of a love/hate thing.  One day, I'm creeping on a potential new guy and finding valuable information that saves me from making a huge mistake... the next day an ex I still have feelings for changes their relationship status to "In a Relationship" and then I never want to see Facebook again  

I'm also convinced I have a magnetic field that attracts weirdness and awkward situations.  My girlfriends swear that my purpose on the planet is to keep them entertained with all my clumsy, awkward stories.  Now I guess I'm sharing them with y'all... hopefully you can laugh at me and feel less like a dork, compared to me. ;)

Friday night was girls' night out and I really needed a night out   We have a local spot nearby that is known as a meat market, but I just go to dance and have fun.   (Ho's before Bro's... 2011 Resolution/Dare)

It felt great to get dressed up to go out.  I curled my hair, put on lots of Spackle (makeup).  I wore a black corset with a red cardigan over it, black pants and high heels.   I felt shiny, sexy and ready to have a good time with the girls.   One of my friends brought a girlfriend of hers, whom I'd never met.   Since she is a friend of one of my peeps,  I made a special effort to be nice to her to make her feel welcomed.   She turned out to be really sweet, funny and I like her a lot.  

We had a chance to talk a little and she mentioned that she is in a new relationship with a guy she sees a lot of potential with and she seemed really happy.   She and I talked and then were dancing together, some cute guys danced with us and we all had fun, but it didn't get crazy.   She kept complimenting me about my looks and she and I really clicked, it felt like we had known each other for a long time.   We had a lot of laughs and it was a blast.

Awkward moment coming... wait for it...

On the way out, we were all talking and she shared a little TMI about her sex life and how she had just tried anal sex for the first time with her new boyfriend.   We were all laughing as she was talking about it... obviously she was feeling comfortable with us and the several beers she had didn't hurt.   When it was time to say goodbye, she pulled me to the side and told me that she wanted us to become friends and to hang out some more and we hugged like we knew each other for years. 

Friday, January 14, 2011

Freaky sex - crossing the freak line... what is too much?

Hello and happy Friday to you, woot!!!   Friday blogs are probably going to be your favorites because I'm going to talk about a "Freaky Friday" story or topic.  I'd love to hear from you and what you'd like to talk about.

Today's Freaky Friday blog is a true story that happened to The Single Mom and it is one that I still cannot believe.   Please know that The Single Mom is not a prude at all.  We all have our range of activities in the bedroom (or out of it wink, wink) that we are comfortable with.   I've definitely experimented more since being single and have learned a lot.  I joke that I have run into every freaky fetish that I know about, except those that are totally nasty.  Some I wish I never knew existed... yikes.  

A few years ago, I met a sweet, somewhat younger man online, "Studmuffin08".  He was probably 12 years or so younger and seemed like a great guy.  We talked awhile and went out on a date on which he was a perfect gentleman.   After the second date, I invited him in for a drink and we ended up making out on the couch.   He was very good looking and well built and I was extremely attracted to him.

At that time, I had a small terrier who was terrified of strangers and would hide under my bed when anyone was over.   Well, one thing led to another and we ended up in my bedroom, mostly kissing very passionately and our hands were all over each other.   This horrified my dog who now wouldn't stop barking.  We tried to ignore it and we were kind of chuckling about it between passionate kisses.

Things are getting more and more steamy and we are touching each other very intimately.  This is going on for several minutes and Studmuffin08 says, "Choke me."  I'm pretty confident in what I'm doing and I say "I am.  Do you want me to do it harder?"   Then he says, "No, I mean like this..." putting my hands on his neck.  (WTF???  Huh?)   Then he says, "Tell me you hate me and are going to kill me." 

Ok, so the dog is still barking like crazy and this guy asks me to choke him and tell him I'm going to kill him...  I got nothin' for that, seriously.   I can talk so dirty that it could make wallpaper peel down off of the bedroom wall, but telling someone I'm going to kill them?  I have no game at all for that.   This ended our evening and I didn't return his calls after that. 

So, you have your basic spanking, hair pulling, stuff like that... ok sure.. but choking and threatening to kill someone?   I'm out.  I knew this stuff existed and I knew there was a special porn category for this, but I guess I never expected to run into it.  

It brings me to ask, can a relationship work if both partners like totally different levels of freakyness?

Happy weekend, get your freak on... whatever that means to you!


The Single Mom

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Getting back with an ex?

For the two weeks before and after Christmas, I had 6 ex boyfriends contact me trying to get back together.  It became really comical and truly kind of annoying.   It does happen to me a lot and I rarely consider reuniting when it does.  Perception of person changes after missing someone, so I try to be real with myself when it does happen.

It was good reconnecting with "Scooter58", it had been awhile, and somehow conversation trailed off.  I thought I had sent the last text and he swears he did.  That was several months ago and it really didn't matter too much now anyway.  Over the holidays we saw each other online on the dating site we met on originally a couple summers ago, so he said hello.  He asked if he could text me again and I said of course.  He admitted that he had been creeping me on Facebook but was too shy to say hello.

We texted a bit, he wanted to go out on Saturday night, I had plans. He texted me again for later in the week.  I was tentative because I'm a little sick, and not sure I want to make a date.   He tells me to call him, and I can tell he is irritated that it took me a couple of hours to do so, reminding me of one our issues the first go around... I have two teenage boys and he has never had kids.  He is in his early 50's and is an amateur pilot, loves to scuba, travel, etc.  Basically the polar opposite of my current lifestyle.  Also, since he has never had kids he was always a little narcissistic and impatient when I had to put my kids over him.

The Single Mom's 11 Resolutions for '11

Resolutions  er... DARES for 2011

It's a new year & a fresh slate!  The Single Mom is excited about the new year despite 2010 ending in a crappy way... an unexpected job loss 2 weeks before Christmas and then getting dumped the next day was a sour ending of 2010.  The man in my life attained instant "Douchebag" status by dumping me right after telling him about my job loss. 

I about wanted to drive my car off of a cliff and I wallowed for a few days hardcore, miserable and pathetic.   "Putter" and I had a great relationship: fun, sexy and so much laughter... never a problem in sight.   The breakup was much worse than losing my job.  I reacted like any girl would -- I had a Friday Night Threesome... a threesome with Ben & Jerry that is. 

After the ice cream, crying and drunk texting I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and I decided that in the new year, I wasn't going to let a man make me feel that badly again.  I knew that if "Putter" couldn't stick with me through this that I was truly better off without him.   My girlfriends picked me back up and forced me to move on.  We spent our New Year's Day in our traditional way, drinking Bloody Mary's and pulling harmless pranks on our other friends (I know, really mature, huh?).  Being around my girlfriends and laughing again made me feel normal and that everything was going to work out in the end.