Wednesday, January 26, 2011

First Date with Niceguy11: The Cold Saturday Night Heats Up

Last post:  Last minute Saturday night plans with a new man, Niceguy11, and playful banter about me not wearing the red shoes he wanted me to wear, instead wearing black ones.

He crossed his arms and stared at me like a parent does to a naughty child.  He knew I was being intentionally obstinate and through the “stink eye” face he was trying to pull off, I knew he was charmed by my little defiant act.  He made a playful comment about dealing with a bad girl.  The long eye contact we held after that comment relayed how attracted he was to me and I could feel my body relax a bit and be myself, whew!.

We were interrupted by a waiter carrying a tray of two drinks in martini glasses.  The intimate moment we were sharing was obvious to him and I could tell he felt a little awkward having to appear just then.     As part of the presentation, he lit the tops of the drinks on fire after setting them down.   The quick flame was a little jolt that brought us out of our trance.    The drink was delicious and made my whole body feel warm.   While drinking it I have to admit I was absorbed watching him drink and thinking about kissing him.

We couldn’t stop talking.   Being with him felt more like catching up rather than meeting someone new because we had so much in common.   Our marriages unraveled for similar reasons and he completely understood feeling alone in a marriage. I felt connected with him as we talked because he knew the empty feeling I described and he nodded his head when I talked about it.   We were both able to make little jokes about it now looking at it as a part of the past.  

We talked about our children and I could instantly tell that he was an incredible dad to his two grown daughters.   His tone of voice and his facial expressions changed when he talked about them as he pointed to a picture of the dark haired beauties on his phone.   Their faces resembled him in many ways and I knew he was wrapped around both of their fingers.   His voice started to weaken and crack as he talked about how the divorce affected them.  As their nearly 20 year marriage was falling apart, his exwife started having an affair.   The girls suspected it but he was too protective of them to expose their mom’s indiscretion.   I reached across the table to put my hand on top of his to comfort him and he seemed to genuinely appreciate the gesture.  

I don’t want to or do I recommend wallowing in the “exfiles” for long on a first date, or really any date, but the triage of a failed marriage is an obligatory and important conversation to gauge potential relationship material.  Please don’t misunderstand that if the answers are acceptable here, that I’m going to instantly pull out my wedding planning notebook and write "Mrs. Niceguy11" on the cover, dotting the I’s with crystal hearts.   However, it is important to know that someday the possibility could exist of running through Bed Bath and Beyond registering for gifts and arguing about thread counts and towel fluffiness.

As he speaks, I’m taking in every detail of his face, his mostly greying head of hair, a hairline that is sneaking back behind his forehead, his piercing blue eyes and his soft lips.  I’m trying to not be too obvious about staring at his lips, but I’m not sure I’m pulling that off.    I’m getting out my imaginary wooden clipboard, questionnaire and red marker, however  I cannot find much we don’t agree about.   Our most passionate argument was about his love for country music. We had a playful fight about whether toilet paper should roll from the top or bottom (TOP, duh!).    Our banter is playful and we both have to fight smiles as we pretend to have a spirited debate over toilet paper.   He takes this moment to bring up my defiant act of not wearing the red shoes and his feigned anger about it.   I think I’m being more slick than I actually am when I promise to wear them on the second date.

Our waiter reappeared and this time it was perfect timing to transition us to a new conversation.  We ordered some light appetizers, more drinks and I excused myself to the ladies room.   I checked my phone for messages and had two unopened texts.  One was from my creepy long distance stalker, perfect.   Momentarily, I imagine him tonight night watching Star Trek, with his full set of action figures, eating pizza.  He is overcome with jealousy that I’m likely out on a date and is jealous.  Maybe it’s unfair of me to peg him this way, but his somewhat needy text tells me that I’m not far off.   (Nerd Alert!)

The other text is from “Rockstar”, my exboyfriend from several summers ago.  His text is a very simple “Hi”.  It is totally like him to be casual and unassuming like this. His life and my life couldn’t have been more opposite and his being such a free spirit was the undoing of us, time after time.   He was the one through the years I always imagined running at each across a meadow on a sunny day with our arms outstretched.  I erased that thought quickly from my mind nearly as soon as it came because my mind was made up about him.

I do not reply to either text, toss my phone in my purse, reapply lipgloss, and walk back into the bar.   Niceguy11 has relocated our drinks the cozy couch in front of the fireplace.   We had been eyeing the area all night and apparently he snagged it when the double daters left.  The foursome looked like they just stepped off of the golf course, and if it weren’t the middle of January I’d think that was spot on.  They had country club, wine snobs written all over them, and Niceguy11 and I had a little fun at their expense as we were coveted the comfy couch area.  

Niceguy11 is checking his phone and is engrossed in whatever is going on on the other end of it.  He shakes off his distraction with his phone as I sit next to him on the still warm leather. couch.  He makes a joke about kicking the country clubbers off of the sofa just for me and winks at me for effect.  I let him have his little victory and we both chuckle. 

The laughter abruptly stops as we begin staring deeply into each other's eyes.  He is now holding my face in between both hands and the intensity of the moment is heating up.  It seems like a moment frozen in time, our mouths finding each other slowly, filling the space between us.  I hear some light jazz in the background, feel warmed by the fire and feel his hands gently pulling my face towards his.   When our mouths finally meet, it feels a little like I swallowed some fire and it immediately went from my mouth down to my toes like lightning.   Our mouths gently opened for each other, tongues gently touching each other in a perfect first kiss. 



The Single Mom

Next time: the date continues...

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