Monday, February 28, 2011

"I'm NOT Tellin!"


Shhhhhh… It’s A Secret
I’m not tellin!   (my number ONE answer to my top TWO questions)
In the real life “Suburbs”:  Question 1 of the 30-55 demo: Where is your blog?   Question 1 of the 55+ demo: “That’s GREAT, you have a blog!!!  Wow.  What’s a blog?”  F M L
In “Blogtown” (readers of my blog) Where do you live?

My answer to both is the same:  “I’m not tellin!” 

I went to a party this weekend totally unprepared for what was about to happen.   This was a lil shindig for one of my friends; sadly we’ve been drifting a lot lately.   Our lives are now going in opposite directions, I’m single and she’s recently not.   Unfortunately the common ground we used to stand on is eroding and it’s not a good place to be.   We shared a lot of bonding experiences: death, job loss, broken hearts and I thought the fabric of our friendship was very tightly woven forever.  I’m not so sure anymore.  But this isn’t a post about friendship but, hopefully it helps you get the picture.  (Sniff, sniff, wipe tear left eye, right eye…)
Since we don’t spend as much time together as we used to, I’ve also drifted a lot with our common friends.  It’s great to see them and I realize how much I miss them when I do, but life gets in the way.  I have teenagers, they have babies and it’s a totally different place in life.  I get that.   I came to the party a little late (Tardy to the Party? OH NO U Did n’t! sic), had a chance to catch up with my friend and then looked for other familiar faces.  I spotted a group of people I knew who were at a round table in the back of the room chatting it up.   We exchanged hellos, hugs and smiles, me still shivering inside the protection of my winter coat, I take a seat.  Meanwhile, I’m going through my mental notes, trying to drum up small talk topics, (kids, job, etc) to start some chit chat. 
Literally, before my butt hit the cold metal folding chair, I was bombarded with questions about my blog.  Seriously.    Four people talking all at once (with jazz hands, so you know it’s SERIOUS):
“I’ve heard all about your blog… where is it?  I want to read it, I bet it’s hilarious. What’s the address?”
 To which I reply:
Say it with me peeps:  “I’m not tellin!”
My blog is a closely guarded secret even within those closest to me.  I’ve had “real life” girlfriends get angry at me for not telling them how to find it and I haven’t given my parents the site either.  I do all of this not to protect me so much, but my kids and of course and anyone I’ve written about.    I felt comfy until now because if you Google my keywords, I’m on the first page.  So, now it’s a reality that people could find me if they knew what they are looking for.   Yikes, this is what you want as a blogger, it’s just so fast. (not complaining)  Literally things are happening at a breakneck pace.  Recognition, some little offers of this or that, it’s great.  I didn’t expect it to happen this fast, honestly.  
(Are you seeing some an episode of True Hollywood Story, “The Single Mom” flashing in your head too?  Mosaic interviews, hiding faces of interviewees, garbled & distorted voice changers… ya it has THS written all over it, huh?)
Here is my attempt to inject some SINCERE HUMILITY… I’m not a writer… no really… (looks down at fingers moving over keys furiously… ok, ok…)  I’m just trying on this label and seeing if it fits.  If my content blows, people won’t come back to my site no matter what, so I want my blog to not suck.  (I aim high, huh?)
I thought I’d “blog it up” for a few months, fly under the radar and get my stuff together.    That was a great idea, but now I’m not invisible.  I’m on the same Google page with bloggers I’ve looked up to and thought (if only, sigh…).  Well, I’m there with them, except they are getting paid to do it, and I’m not (hint, hint)  Anyway, I also was named to a list by an influential blogger, TeamAwesome (JustCallMeFrank).  Sheesh… now I have to be awesome, #nopressure…. I was just going for “not sucking” (cheesy “raise the roof” gesture… ya I know soooooo 2008)
So, meanwhile… back at the party…
The people at the table continued with their questions and disapproval of my vague answers.   I really don’t care about what people I only see rarely think.  The people from my present whom I’ve written about are important to me, so people asking me these questions can eat it.
“Ok, so if you’re not going to give us the address, at least tell us what you write about”.  I can see they are baiting me for some nugget they can use to “google me up”.    An attractive man across the table grabs his Droid and immediately opens his internet browser.  
He says directly to me, “I work for an Internet Marketing Company.  I can help you.”  (eye roll:  Great, just great,… not THIS again…)
I’m intrigued but more skeptical…
He walks over, Droid in one hand, shiny silver business card case in the other.  Before I can say, “Have a seat”, a fresh business card is planted in my palm.  

Marketing Man
“How long has your blog been up?”

The Single Mom
“Just a little over a month.”

Marketing Man
“I can get you to page one of Google for your keywords”, He says proudly, saying each of the last several words one at a time.

The Single Mom
“I’m already on page one.  Above the fold.”

Marketing Man

 “Oh, wow that’s impressive.  How did you do that?” 

He didn’t know I knew just a little somethin' somethin' about search. (street cred)
We talk Twitter, Facebook, Youtube and “Blogtown”.  While I’m having a conversation with him,  I notice his girlfriend keeping one eye on him and one on me while carrying on a conversation of her own. 
Phasing into the reality of this, it’s important to me that I protect the identity of the people I write about and I take that seriously.  I don’t write about anyone in depth without their permission and I will do whatever I can to protect the characters’ true identities.  Everyone I’ve dated since starting it has been extremely positive and WANTS to be a part of it.  However, I’m sure the day will come when someone will not I can totally respect that. 
Now that my blog isn't invisible anymore, I had to contact “Putter” and catch him up about the blog since he was written about so much.  He knew about it but never really wanted to read it, until now…  (Shameless segue into a plug for an upcoming blog post… Putter reads the blog… Sh#t Sticks!... coming soon to your favorite blog… mine duh!)
So, my work is ahead of me.  1.  Write a blog that doesn’t suck.  Er… no write a Badass Blog about a Badass Single Mom in Some Random (sorta Badass) Midwestern Suburb.  2.  Keep doing it until it pays me at least enough for a bikini wax or a smoothie, or something.
But until then and beyond… I’m not tellin!
Smooches,
The Single Mom

special thanks to imagegenerator.net

 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

This Week on the Blog...

Wow so much going on... I don't even have time to write it all, seriously!    So, here is the "trailer" for next week's blog...

(James Earl Jones voice)  In a world of mini-vans, strollers and manicured lawns... there's a single mom in heels and leopard print trying to raise teenage boys, fit in and find love, somehow, someway.   

Coming soon to a blog near you...

-You get to meet "Southerngent" for the first time!  We finally had a first date after a few weeks of getting to know each other.  He's nickname worthy already and growing on me every day.  He's also a writer and I think he's going to write about our first date from his perspective.  So, two different perspectives on the same first date... I think it will be cool!

-Putter finds and reads the blog - what does he think?

-Also, I went to a party over the weekend and was overwhelmed with people wanting to know more about the blog... geez it's kinda nuts!   I met someone else who wants to "help" me market my blog... yikes!

- All that and another installment in the "Rockstar" series.


I'll see you soon in blogtown!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Friday, February 25, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar": (Part 6) Texting the Secret Texter, Shocking News and a Plan...

"Love Game"
Catching you up.... “Rockstar” stood me up on Valentine’s Day and broke my heart for what I swore was the last time.  We’d had a 5 year on and off history, broken heart (me) and lots of broken plans (him).     After Valentine’s Day he texted, emailed, called, Im’d, everything to try to convince me to give him another chance.   It was starting to get to me but I wasn’t sure yet.   After I went to a dinner out with girlfriends trying to forget about him, a Secret Texter, texted me.   She told me she was seeing him and I didn’t believe her at first.   When I confronted him about it, he told me she was lying and that it was probably a wrong number.    The next morning, I had a text from her, "Why did you tell him, you BITCH".    This told me he was obviously lying to me.

After getting her text, any shred of hope that he was telling me the truth had disappeared.   I wanted to believe him I really did, this hurt a lot.  I wasn’t sure about being with him ever again but knowing this now ruined my memories of our past.  Facing this reality forced me to take off my rose colored glasses and rewrite those memories and be honest with myself, finally.    
I had to realize that maybe those nights that he told me he was getting ready for a gig and practicing with his band wasn’t true.  He could have been lying to me about practically anything, now I had to reframe EVERYTHING.    It made me wonder about the times he cancelled for some reason that seemed true at the time or the business trip that popped up last minute, the sudden death in his family… perhaps everything was fabricated…maybe he never cared about me at all. 
I was confused, he acted like he cared and showed me in his own way.  He wrote a couple of songs for me and he was always there to talk to me when I needed him.    I tried to think of all possible explanations maybe he was casually seeing her, waiting for me to come back to him… bullshit, that was stupid.   No, dammit it was time to accept it, he had been lying to me, maybe for a very long time. It was finally time to face the truth and not be hurt by it anymore, now it was time to be MAD.
I was gonna to be damned if he was going to get the best of me now.  Uh huh, I’d been through way too much, fought my way back from being emotionally devastated and crushed to let this douchebag get to me now.  It was time to take back what was mine and have a victory for once.    There had to be a way to make this a win for me, the good guys had to win this one… but how?   I was gonna ride off into the sunset in a white hat somehow, just had to figure it out.
I had to know more about her, had to know who she was and why she was contacting me.
I texted my Secret Texter back and said,
THE SINGLE MOM
I’m sorry, I had to confront him about it. I had to know the truth.

SECRET TEXTER
It’s ok.  I was really pissed at first but I was going to break up with him soon.

THE SINGLE MOM
What did he say?

SECRET TEXTER
He was mad, but told me that you were an ex who wouldn’t leave him alone and you were just friends.

THE SINGLE MOM
Oh really?  Are you KIDDING?  He said that?   He told me that you were probably a wrong number and to ignore you.

SECRET TEXTER
Nice. I read through some of his texts and I know the truth.

THE SINGLE MOM
It doesn’t matter I’m over it and thank you for texting me.  You may have stopped me from making a mistake.  
She and I continued to text and share a lot of common experiences.  I had a busy morning, so we texted between loads of laundry, making breakfast for my boys and then going to my son’s basketball game.  Our conversation carried on throughout the day and we learned a lot about each other, and him. 
We had a lot in common, her first name was a lot like mine, she was blonde, curvy and petite.  She was about my age but was just a little older than me.    Honestly, it started getting a little creepy.  We talked about how we first met him, and how he always cancelled plans and unfortunately how he wasn’t that great in the bedroom.  (It’s funny taking those rose colored glasses off, how different a person looks, hehe)
At this point, I’d known him for about 5 years off and on.  She had been seeing him for about a year and a half.  Although, I hadn’t been with him in this year and half, I wondered if there was another woman when he was with me. 

SECRET TEXTER
I understand and I’m hurt too.  I really loved him and thought he loved me.

THE SINGLE MOM
He can obviously be convincing when he wants to be.   What are you going to do?

SECRET TEXTER
I’m done with him, so done.

Although everything leading up to all this was shocking enough and I should have been prepared for anything, what she said next blew me away.  When the text came, I was cooking dinner for the boys… a routine dinner, browning ground beef, making sloppy joes, something I’d made dozens of times and didn’t have to think about anymore.    I literally had to catch myself, spatula in one hand, cell phone in the other so that I didn’t fall or drop the phone or both.  I walked a few steps to a chair to sit down, breathe and read it again, making sure I read it right.  Oh, I read it right, that douchebag! 

SECRET TEXTER
He is seeing another girl, too her name is Sherry. 

THE SINGLE MOM
What? Are you kidding me?

SECRET TEXTER
No, I’m not wish I was.  Want to mess with him a little bit?

THE SINGLE MOM

Oh, hell ya.  We are gonna have some fun with this boy!

Let's play a love game,
Play a love game
Do you want love or you want fame?
Are you in the game?

Love Game by Lady Gaga

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time in the Rockstar Series: Could I believe her?  Who was this other woman? 

Thank you!!

Thank you for reading so much, it’s really crazy to have 1000 pageviews in a just a little over a month, from literally all over the world.   I’m so grateful to everyone who has visited here to find out the latest about my ridiculous love life or train wreck, whatever.     The Single Mom’s Dating Diary has been likened to a mixture of Bridget Jones and the Sex and the City Women.  I’m humbled beyond words at this comparison, wow.
I’d really like to thank Susan from CA who found me on Facebook and told her girlfriends about my blog, she encourages me all the time.   Anita from PA has also become a best girlfriend to me from all this. She keeps me laughing and always is rootin for me.  Terri from MN was the first woman to find me and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me. Thanks also to Nickkeedee who sent a lot of people my way.  I’m so grateful for these incredible women, they have encouraged me every step of the way.   There were days when I thought, “Why am I doing this?” and I’d get an email from someone that they either cracked up laughing or had tears because they’d been in my shoes before. (red shoes of course, girls!).  Huge Smooches to all of you!   
I don’t have a ton of fans (fans - it sounds crazy to say) on Facebook yet, but we do interact a lot.  I get an email from one reader who pokes me if it’s 1:00 in the afternoon and I haven’t posted yet.   I love that people have followed it and want to know what happens next.   I have about 10 times more peeps on Twitter, not sure why, but it seems like so much less “commitment”, I’m grateful for anyone who digs what I’m trying to do.
Also, an incredible thanks to Darla, the artist who created the drawing of The Single Mom.  Obviously, she brought me to life for you, but it goes way beyond that.  She believed in me and my crazy dream, so wherever this dream goes, she’s a HUGE part of it.   She is an incredible artist, she can create gifts and objects that will make your home more beautiful.  Awesome doesn’t even begin to describe her work.  Her site is: http://darlakirchner.blogspot.com/.  Check her out, she is so talented!
I’d also like to thank MB for mentoring me and my writing.  She’s a “real” writer who is published every month to elite readers.   She encouraged me and my loco writing dream and I’m so grateful for her gentle nudge.
I’d also like to thank my many real life girlfriends, there have been a couple who have held me up and they know who they are.  Without them, I’d be toast and I appreciate them every day, not just in blogtown.   I’d also like to thank “Kincaid” because he inspired me and has been one of my best friends along this little journey to blogtown. 
I’m blessed with two incredible sons who inspire me and make me laugh everyday.   I’m raising them to be good men they are the very best blessings I could have asked for.    I don’t want to write about them a lot because of their privacy, but I wouldn’t have made it without them lifting me up.    Gratitude also to my original writing mentor, my mom up in heaven watching me.  She would have loved this blog and been hooked.
There is so much more to do, we have so many more laughs ahead of us and so many more men to meet.    This blog has become not my quest to find a man, it’s been a quest to find ME.    Maybe this little bloggie poo will go somewhere and people like Susan can say, “Ya, I was the first one to tell ya’ll about The Single Mom’s Dating Diary”… when she takes all of her girlfriends to the movie premiere… 
Big smooches!
The Single Mom

Thursday, February 24, 2011

After Putter

I've gotten a lot of emails and notes about Putter and I appreciate all of feedback, seriously.  I do have to tell you that on the day that it happened and through now I feel in control.  Control of me, how I feel and the boundaries I set for whatever relationship I have with him in the future. 


Honestly, feedback from the friends I have made by writing this blog have helped ground me and kept me a little more discliplined.   It's kind of a check and balance thing now, because I feel like if I do something that might not be the smartest thing, I still want to tell you about it.  I'm human, make mistakes and I hope that makes it easier for you to relate to me.  Its hilarious to say this, but truthfully when I was driving to his house that day, I kept thinking what would my readers think?  100% truth.  (Not that it stopped me or even slowed me down, mind you but I did think about it... lol)


Although this was incredible reunion and it exceeded my expectations by leaps and bounds, it also gave me a chance to have some closure.  I don't know if it makes sense to you at all, but I'm at peace with it all now more than I was before it happened.  Actually, I'm surprised maybe even more than you.  I looked at him more objectively and I think I was exaggerating his positive attributes too much this whole time. 

That being said, if he came to me today and was sincere about wanting to be with me and gave me what I need that I wouldn't want it.  However, if I've learned one thing, it's that I've come too far to settle for less than I deserve.   I'd be extremely skeptical now, knowing what I know now.

So, this gave me a chance to close that door (it's open a crack maybe), but to look at other doors that I can go through.   I have a first date this weekend and I'm looking forward to it.  We've taken our time getting to know each other.  I feel like I'm at a good place to meet someone new.  I'll of course tell you about it next week and let you know how it goes.  Thanks again for all of your support!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Making Putter Shudder (Part Two) {Adult Content}

Our mouths met again in a long kiss, our bodies tightly woven together.    His kisses went from my mouth to my neck and then to my collarbone.  He breathed in deeply and exhaled while he said, “Mmmm vanilla.  God I forgot how good you smell! Mmmmm.”    My hands were on his shaved head as his kisses gently made a trail on my collarbone and then down to the top of my cleavage. 
He abruptly stopped what he was doing, caught himself and said, “This isn’t healthy.  Maybe we shouldn’t…”   I said, “Healthy, schmealthy” and pulled off his boxer briefs while I kissed him.
Putter stood facing me looking at me, his eyes went directly to my breasts.     He told me to take off my blouse, so I did slowly, intentionally… pulling it up and over my head to expose my black lacy bra.  His hands began exploring my breasts and playfully tugging at the lacy bra covering them,   He planted lingering kisses on my shoulders and neck.   Then he took a couple steps around me, now standing behind me.   

I stood there silently while Putter kissed my shoulders and neck his hands moved my from breasts down to the front of my pants.  His fingers lightly grazed me and gave me chills.    His left hand gathered my hair into a ponytail, so he could move my hair to the side and gently kiss this newly exposed skin.   His right hand explored my round bottom.     We both made a  mmmm sound at the exact same time and we were both enjoying this very much.  
He then said, “Mmmmm let me see that ass, baby.”    I unfastened my dress pants and slowly and gently tugged at them, exposing flesh an inch at a time.    His hands were now on my ass and I slowly bent over under the guise of picking up my pants off the floor to give him a prime view. 
His hands were all over my silky panties now exposed solely for his enjoyment.   He was content feeling every inch of the smooth fabric and the way it felt under his hand, his finger traced up the line in the middle of my ass  and then he pressed his body tightly against me.   This feeling of his bare body so close against mine again, made me gasp.  His fingers unfastened my bra as his hands moved to cup my breasts while my bra fell to the floor.    
My back was pressed tightly against him as he had one hand on each breast, caressing them gently and playfully.   My head was resting on his shoulder as I gathered my hair and threw it behind me and over his shoulder.    This movement released the familiar scent of the sugary hair perfume I wear and it triggered a memory for him.    The smell is a mixture of sugary cotton candy, and it combines so well with my vanilla body perfume to combine an edible and fleshy aroma.    (I just don’t play fair do I? lol)
The next 2 hours or so were a blur long awaited desires finally being met.  Putter gushed, “Wow I remembered that you were good, but this is way better than I remembered.”   I enjoyed giving him pleasure and he enjoyed doing it for me also.    My body reacts to him unlike any other man and I cannot explain it.    There is something about the fusion of our bodies that creates an unusual reaction in me.  I’m going to stop there because I don’t want to get graphic, but just suffice it to say that we have an incredible sexual connection.  
He was unselfish and more loving than he had ever been.   I cannot explain it and I’m trying not to overthink it because I could construe it to mean something that it does not.  So, for the moment I’m just viewing it as a wonderful experience.    He did go out of his way to give me extreme pleasure several times and after the last one he said, “You deserve it baby, enjoy.”
I think we were both expecting this to be an amazing reunion, but I think it far exceeded any of our wildest dreams.    I know I didn’t expect to feel so loved and cared for, yet I cannot let myself dwell on that.    He was careful to talk about his feelings for me and his lack of readiness for a relationship, to not hurt my feelings.   I have to be satisfied with that and set my own boundaries for myself.   
He started to say something while we were getting dressed about it again and I put my finger to his lip and said shhhh….   He teased me about being mean to him in the past and dared me to not text him for 7 days, he said, “I bet you can’t”.   So that’s all I need is someone to tell me I can’t do something, it’s as good as done at that point.  I teasingly said back to him, “Don’t call me, we just had some fun don't go getting attached to me" and laughed.  He did too because he knows I have feelings for him. 
I went in to collect my things and get dressed.  My phone had been blowing up the whole time, and I innocently said “Who’s Joe?” after reading my call log.  He laughed, and called me a player.  (hardly)   He walked me to the door and we shared a sweet and romantic goodbye kiss before I left.  My heels clicked loudly on each one of the wooden steps announcing my departure. 
I drove home with a huge smile on my face, inhaled the smell of his cologne lingering on my sweater, eyed the full moon (sweet, the full moon is the perfect excuse!) and listened to our song, Bruno Mars Just The Way You Are.
Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every da
y

mmmmmmmm.... Was it good for you?  Big smiles...
Smooches,
The Single Mom

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Making Putter Shudder... (Adult Content)

Air, food, water  and sex.   These are necessities right?  Maybe the order should be reversed, ;) but they are definitely necessary for human sustenance.    (Is this validation working for you so far?  I’m trying to use it to convince myself, so I hope you buy it too…)
It was like an oasis after a long journey in the desert…
It was like thick juicy steak after starving for weeks…
It was like a huge gasp of breath after nearly drowning for several minutes…
Yes, having sex was life restoring and renewed me.  (How is the sales job so far??? lol)

Ok, ok ok, so I had some hot monkey sex, geez.  Does that make me an awful person?  Ok, even if it does, it was so good it was worth it. Lol!!!
You have to know that ok I am not a woman who goes to a bar and goes home with someone, I’m not hardwired like that.   It’s cool if people do that, but it’s not my thing.  I need to feel a connection with someone.  I’ve had opportunities, even very recently but I just wasn’t feelin it.   I love sex, don’t get me wrong for a second I just don’t sleep around.    But, sometimes sex with an ex, can be a little easier to swallow…. Er .. so to speak. 
Getting back in touch happened very innocently. .  I started it with some news and it turned flirty.      We’ve been texting again for about a month, Putter and me.  (Yes, PUTTER… don’t hate… keep reading ok, it was a good thing…).    Our breakup was hasty, before Christmas and nothing really precipitated it, maybe cold feet or something on his part, I don’t know… but it was shocking because we were so happy and had the most amazing sex together.    
When I started to get closer to Niceguy11, I realized that my feelings for Putter weren’t finished.   Actually right after a date with Niceguy11, I drove by the Irish Pub that Putter and I always went to only to see his car and begin texting each other more.  Through the past few weeks, there were mixed signals, hurt feelings and overthinking – all on my part.  To him it was probably just a fun flirtation and looking back on the best sex of his life (sorry, I’m just tellin it like it is…).
All of this flirting via text hit an emotional peak for me on Valetine’s Day when I sank to a new level of douchebagginess (it’s my blog and I can make up words if I wanna…).   We texted back and forth a little, but he was just going through the motions and I could tell.  So, I stopped cold turkey.  This was Monday, but by Friday, it bugged me enough to say something.   
So my story begins early Friday evening.  The sun was shining brightly on an unseasonably warm February day.  I’d had my windows open all day while I worked, heard children playing outside during the day and I was in an incredibly great mood.  I had plans a few hours later that evening but was wide open for the next few hours, ironically.
I texted by calling him out saying:

The Single Mom
“You hurt my feelings, I told you I made you something (for Valentine’s day) and you blew me off, so I’m done, I’m taking you out of my phone and I wish you the best.” 
I didn’t really expect to get anything back from him, but I did in just a matter of a minute or so. 

Putter
“You REALLY made me something?” 

The Single Mom
“Yes of course, I said I did.” 

Putter
“I thought you were messing with me.”   

The Single Mom
“Putter, I don’t mess with people, especially people I care about.”
Immediately I got a new text:

Putter
“Bring it over.”    

My heart raced in my chest, thumping loudly.  I could feel myself starting to tremble at just the thought of kissing him.    This man has owned my thoughts for the past 60 days and for the time before that while we were together.  In all of the month or so that we’ve texted, there was never a real plan to see each other.  We talked about seeing each other “soon” or “later” but never anything concrete, or immediate.  Until now.

The Single Mom
“No.  I have a meeting.   Maybe another day.”
I held onto some shred of pride and anger, not sure exactly why.

Putter
“Please, I’m on the couch”   (We had very memorable sex on his couch and he said this intentionally)

Long pause, I didn’t reply…

Next text:
“Naked”

I waited a few minutes and tried to decide what to do.  I haven’t had sex in a long time, I missed him and I wanted him soooooo badly.   Honestly, he was the only man who I could have wanted right in this moment.  Not George Clooney, not Brad Pitt, no one, ok maybe I’d touch Usher’s abs, but that’s about it.  Lol.
In the span of about 10 minutes, emotionally I went from saying goodbye to him to considering seeing him in 10 minutes from now.   Every day for the past 60 days I’ve thought of this man’s kiss, touch, body against mine.  The thought of seeing his face and touching him literally made me tremble.    We ended so abruptly, I felt like we had a lot of unfinished business.
I went through my mental checklist, my makeup was on, my hair was straightened, I had a cute outfit on, I had a shower that morning, but ya my legs weren’t smooth.    There wasn’t enough time to worry about it.    I was trying to think of what to say back to him, sick kids, or go with the original meeting story, what was better? Hmmm…
Before I could answer his text, the phone rang… seeing “Putter” on my caller ID brought back memories of the last time we talked: my vibrator, dog and humiliation (see Phone Sex, Sex Toys and Getting Totally Busted) and made me laugh out loud for a second while I debated if I should pick it up.  I quickly composed myself and prepared myself to say I couldn’t come over as I picked up his call. 
I answered the phone:

The Single Mom
Hi.

Putter
“Come over, please.  I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, I didn’t mean to.  I want to make love to you baby.”  

The Single Mom
“I’m on my way.”   (key in the ignition, car in reverse, speeding out of the subdivision, making tire tracks…)   Just kiddin... I played a LITTLE harder to get than that…
I said: “I want to, I really do…but…”

Putter
“I’m going into the shower, I’ll be on the couch (why did he say couch -dammit!!) when you get here.  Please hurry I can’t wait to see you, baby.”

The Single Mom
Ok.

I debated if I should go or not. I’m talking to a few other guys and I’m starting to get attached. Will sleeping with him interfere with me bonding with someone else? If I sleep with him can I deal with it if it’s nothing more than just sex?   Ok, nothing more than mind blowing, toe curling, hair pulling, making noises that only dogs can hear sex?  Hell yes, when I think of it like that yes, no HELL YES!!
But should I?  Was it smart to jump back into this with him?  I paced back and forth about 5 times until I decided what to do… I’d ask my trusty Magic 8 ball to ask it for validation (I mean I would ask it for an honest and objective answer about what I should do, lol).  I asked it my question, closed my eyes, shook it hard and waited for it to land on an answer.   It took it a few seconds longer than normal to land on an answer, the purple liquid finally giving way to the answer popping up through the plastic viewer.   The Magic 8 ball said, “My Sources Say NO”.   I slammed it down on the desk, and said out loud, “FUCK your sources Magic 8 ball” and grabbed my keys.   (My sources, ie my “stuff” said YES!! YES!! YES!!)


What the Magic 8 Ball Should Have Said

Putter lives only about 10 minutes from me.  As I was driving, my right foot in the red high heel and sexy shoe, was pushing down on the gas pedal faster than normal.     I was stuck behind an 80 year old woman  in some Toyota from maybe 1988.  She was maybe going 30 in a 50 and I passed her going about 60, she could barely see over the dash, so I doubt she even knew I passed her.  I thought, “Granny you gotta move your wrinkly ass, cos momma gotta get some, NOW dammit.”
When I pulled into Putter’s neighborhood it looked a little different since I’d never been there with any daylight to guide me.  I came to a stop sign that I could only either turn right or left.  I had to think for a second, and couldn’t remember which way to go.  I started to turn left, then remembered it was right, yes right.  Just after the right turn, I was here.  Wow, I made it to his apartment fast.
He lives on the third floor of a complex, the stairs are outside and walking up the stairs with my heels clanking against the hard wood steps was a very familiar sound.    It reminded me of the past trying to walk softer but today I didn’t care.  The only thing now between us was three flights of stairs.
two
one
I’m at his doorstep my right hand made into a fist ready to knock on his door.  I paused for a second as I took in a deep breath before tapping my knuckles against his door.
He opened the door practically immediately, wearing only burgundy silky boxer shorts and a smirk.   He looked deeply into my eyes and kissed me hard right there at the entrance of his apartment.  He held my face tightly between his hands and kissed me passionately, pushing me against the door with his whole body pressed up against mine.
He stopped kissing me for a second and looked at my face, almost trying to take in every detail.   One of his hands was going through my long, straight, blonde hair and one was on my ass.   He cupped my ass and pulled me tightly against him.   I could feel how much he wanted me and that made me even more excited.  My hands explored his bare back and pulled him tightly against my breasts while I kissed him back.  
He pulled back and said, “You’re shaking, baby are you ok?”   My whole body was literally trembling with excitement; all I could do was just nod yes and bite my lower lip.   He offered me a drink and made himself one also.  Our eyes were locked on each other as he dropped ice cubes into the glasses and poured.  
He looked over at me and said, “Damn you’re so sexy.”  I acted coy and innocent when I looked around and said, “Who, ME?”   He nodded as he handed me my drink.   He then admitted that he has thought of me every day since we’ve been apart but also went on to say that he didn’t think he could be in a relationship right now. He asked me if I was sure I thought I could be ok with that. I said I was and we both apologized for the past, for about the 20th time.  (Obviously, I wished for something different but knew that it wasn’t likely.)  
As we were talking, our eyes were glued to each other, hands gently touching each other's bodies.  He grabbed my chin gently, pulled me to his mouth and kissed me, both of our eyes closing at the same time.   We were both lost in this moment, this kiss sealing the conversation and the past in a vault behind us.   
I pulled away from him silently, looking him deeply in his eyes.   He took the drink out of my hand and placed it on the end table next to his.   My eyes were still locked on his as I backed away from him just a step slowly.  He then said, “Take off that sweater.”  I obediently and slowly removed the red cardigan and let it fall to the floor...
Next post:  Making Putter Shudder (Part 2): The next 2 hours get steamier (yes 2 hours), but do I regret this?

Smooches,
The Single Mom

A special thank you to Imagegenerator.net!

Monday, February 21, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (Part 5): Who Was My Secret Texter and How Would Rockstar Explain Himself?


From the last post...
The second text said,  “Hello, I said who is this?”  
The third said “I asked you a question, who the f___ is this!”
By the time I got the last text, I was pissed.   I said something back sharply, like “Who is THIS - you’re texting me.  I’m sure you have the wrong number, so please stop.” 
The text back just said, “I have the right number.  I know all about YOU.”

“What do you know about me?”  I demanded in a text.  I then immediately sent another text, “How did you get my number? Who is this?” I demanded.    The texter identified herself as someone who is in a relationship with Rockstar.    “I went through his phone I know about a lot about you”, she added.  
She asked me my name again.
“Who are YOU?” I asked again.  
She simply replied back, “Someone who doesn’t want what happened to me happen to you.”   I wasn’t satisfied with this answer at all - in fact, it irritated me that she wouldn’t tell me her name. 
“I don’t believe you” I texted back.  I added, “If you won’t tell me your name then leave me the hell alone.”
I didn’t know if I should be mad or scared but really, I was both.   I checked texts from stop light to stop light, my heart pounded in my chest.    I was confused, and asked myself why would he have put so much time into trying to win me back if he was seeing someone else?  It didn’t make sense at all.    Why would he hurt me?  Why would he do this?   Or, could I even believe her?  Who was she?
The answers  weren’t going to really change anything because I hadn’t exactly decided to be with him or not right now.  However, I had to know how he would answer me.   Someone was lying to me and I had to understand what was happening.
I had to ask him, I had to know NOW.   Although it was late, I dialed his number and inhaled deeply while it rang.  He picked up my call quickly and said, “Hi baby. I miss you.  I knew you’d eventually call.” 
I was aware how bitchy I sounded when I said, “Don’t call me baby.  I need to know why some woman is texting me telling me she is your girlfriend.”   
He answered quickly, “What???  I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m sure it is a wrong number.  Forget it, I’m sure it’s nothing.   When can I see you?”
I totally ignored him and I said,  “You are free to do what you want because I’m not seeing you but I don’t know why you’d put me through something like this.”
He responded by saying, “Ignore this person and it will stop, I’m sure.  You’re giving her exactly what she wants.   So just stop texting and so will stop texting you, she's playing a game.    There isn’t anyone else, I love you and even though you aren’t mine yet, I’m waiting for you to realize I’m different now.  You will see.  Now just go to bed, forget this and see me soon, ok baby?”
I’d forgotten how much I loved hearing him call me baby and he knew it really got to me.   Hearing his voice again wore down my defenses a little and I really wanted to believe that he wouldn’t lie to me, regardless of if I’d ever want to see him again.   Even though I was undecided about being with him again, he and I shared this really intense closeness that I missed.   I could tell him anything and he knew me really well.    
I regained the control of my emotions enough to keep my voice clear and direct.   I said, “Well I really want to believe you, but I don’t know why someone would do this to me and how they got my number.”
What he said next, was predictable… “Who are you going to believe ME or some random person who is messing with you?”  (I thought to myself, loaded question… you did blow me off for Valentine’s Day and break my heart…)  He then went on to ask me, “What number is this coming from?”  I replied, “555-3732”.    He assured me it was probably nothing and to forget about it and go to bed.    

Although I went to bed, it took a long time to fall asleep and it was a restless night.  When my alarm went off in the morning, there was another text from her, “Why did you tell him?  You BITCH!”

Next time in the Rockstar Series: Who was she?  What was her story?

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next post:  From this past weekend... HOT MONKEY SEX... but with who???  (don't hate... jussayin) ;)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Blog Stuff

Hi, thank you so much for reading my dating diary!   I hope you are enjoying it because I'm having a blast doing it!  Literally, people all over the world are reading and it's grown much faster than I dreamed.  Thank you so much for reading and I hope you keep coming back for more!  I just wanted to let you know a few things to help you enjoy the blog even more.


First, I try to post at least four days a week M-F by lunchtime.  I announce the daily posts on Facebook and Twitter about a half hour before I'm going to put them up for the day.    If you're not yet, please follow me on the blog's Facebook Fan Page and on Twitter. (there are links on the main blog page, just click and sign up there.  I check Facebook several times a day and interact directly with the blog's fans there.   I sometimes let little teasers slip on Facebook and Twitter, so if you want to know what's coming up please follow me on one or both of them, 


I love your comments!  Please either comment on the post itself, email me at thesinglemomsdatingdiary@gmail.com or send me a message on Facebook/Twitter.    I sometimes "accidentally" let some secrets slip about upcoming dates, so if you want to know all my secrets, please sign up.   I do fun things like ask questions about who I should date next, take dares from fans or have a place for discussions.  So come there if you want to know more and meet other men and women who read the blog every day. 

 I want to make this blog your happy place to go when you need a giggle or to sometimes to share a tissue with me about a the douchebag du jour who broke my heart.   So, tell me what you think, all your comments will help me make this funniest and naughtiest little romp on the www.


I added a new page (at the top in the yellow border) called "The Men".  This is a brief description of the men who have been in the stories so far.   I know, I know...  it's hard keeping them all straight so check that page if you get lost.


I've been writing blogs about both the present and last year.  I want to keep you updated about what's going on today and how I got to where I am now.  I hope this doesn't confuse anybody.   Again, thank you again for reading and let me know what you'd like to see.

Big smooches,

The Single Mom