Thursday, February 10, 2011

“Does this blog make my ASS look big? Yes? Oh, good!”

The past few years dating has been a time of a great deal of self scrutiny and a blows to my self image.   Through my childhood I was “chubby” now I’m “curvy” which for some reason all of a sudden is a really good thing.   I could have used this movement about oh, 25 years ago which would have made adolescence a whole lot less of a living hell but I’ll take it now. I guess I became single at just the right time.  Between the curvy thing and older women now being coveted, I hit the jackpot, huh?
I really owe a huge debt of gratitude to Sir Mix A Lot.   Before him there was a huge cultural divide between the whole big butt being sexy or not.   I pretty much have the same ass as when I was young.  The only the difference is now it’s a commodity.    So, if I met Sir Mix A Lot, I’d thank him for making my past few years a whole hell of a lot more fun.  Wink wink.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny

I jokingly call a body a “meat suit”.    Sure there is a lot I’d change about my “meat suit”  but now I feel sexy and confident, a little swagger… not gonna lie.   Some of the confidence I attribute to becoming my own person, some of it that now its more accepted.   
Last year, I dated a real gym rat, muscle man and although he said curvy was his type and he seemed really attracted to me, I still felt too beefy next to him. The first time we went to his apartment, I pulled the old, “I need to freshen up” thing (tryin to be slick) and went to the bathroom to take off my Spanx.  Through dinner, I kept thinking of him finding it in a moment of passion,  so whew having it buried in my purse saved me an embarrassing moment.  ;)
It would be a lie to say that I haven’t been rejected for my body, because I have many times.  I had an extremely embarrassing experience once when a man asked me before our first date my size and I told him (big red flag and big mistake).    Our first date was an overnight date (long story for another day).   After I changed for bed he went to the chair where my pants were folded up to read their size. He made a big scene and yelled at me calling me a liar.  Needless to say that was a first and last date with him despite some really good chemistry and connection.  The irony is that he wasn’t athletic or even within a normal body frame himself.   (so nananabooboo)
Another awful memory is of a man I dated for a short time who we seemed to hit it off really well at first, we had a lot to talk about, lots of connection, were looking for the same things, or at least I thought.     During the first time we were naked together and being intimate he blurted out how he’d always had a fantasy about being with a voluptuous blonde.   “Uh, what did you say???”   I immediately stopped, got dressed - me and my big booty walked out the door, buh bye.
I’m always careful to bring up before a first date that I’m not a Barbie.  My dating profile mentions it and there are pictures of me that show me realistically.   However, before every first date, I take a big gulp and I’m very nervous that I am actually going to look like what he is expecting.
I’ve been on the other side of this and it was awful.   It was several years ago on a paid site, the person’s picture was very small, only one picture.     I didn’t think to ask, I’m not looking for perfection, just attractive.  He showed up and he was seriously about 350-375 lbs.    It was a shock and I wondered why he didn’t bring it up.  Truly it wasn’t about even physical attractiveness, it was more of a handicap.  There was no way he could fit many cars, in a normal chair do many routine things that people usually take for granted.    It wasn’t truly about attractiveness, it was that he didn’t think to mention it to me.  It was almost like he thought he would sneak it past or something?  You know maybe 20 lbs here or there someone could camouflage but a couple hundred was dishonest.

I hope reading this blog you the idea that I’m pretty confident but I don’t take myself too seriously lookswise.  I guess at 40 something, I’m comfortable in my own skin (even though I have more of it than I should).   More days than not, I feel attractive.  I’ve struggled with body image my entire life.  The past few years have felt like I've come out of a cocoon as a butterfly.  However the outside of me didn’t really change - the butterfly was there the entire time.    I challenge you to embrace what makes you different, accept it and be the best version of you. 

The Single Mom

What's going on with the Single Mom...  any new guys, seeing Putter, any Valentine's Day plans???  Keep reading...


Anonymous said...

OMG I had the exact same experience with spanx!!! That is hilarious. I couldn't agree more with this whole post.

singlemom said...

Thanks nikkeedee2001! I'm glad u liked it! I like to look my best and be healthy but had to stop making myself crazy. I think men r attracted to confidence and thats more important than perfection. Smooches to ya, nickeedee2001!