Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Looking Back on Good Times and Great Sex with Putter... (Adult Content)

Last post:  A romantic night with a new man, Niceguy11... but am I ready?  Am I over Putter?

First: I'm being lame...  (sexy scene is coming...)

It’s time to be honest with myself so I can be real with you too.   I thought I was strong, I thought I was over Putter.  I started this blog as a way to do something positive.  I “put on the face” and wrote my little fingers off about getting my sexy back (lol) but truth is I was faking it to myself.
I am sorry and  I wasn’t honest with you, because I really wasn’t being honest with myself first.   I’ve been trying so hard to move on from my relationship with Putter (he broke up with me right before Christmas) and I just don’t think my feelings are over.    As I’m writing this, I have huge tears rolling off my face and I’m struggling with the idea that I’m not over him.   I’m surrounded by a pile of used tissues and feeling really lame
If this is confusing, I apologize.  I’m trying to make sense of it all myself.  I know my writing is kinda choppy and I wish I could be clever right now, but I just feel like I got punched in the gut by all these feelings I’ve been trying to bury.  I’m trying to sort it all out.    I know I’ve written a whole lot better,  hell I probably am dangling participles (whatever the fuck they are) all over the place, but hey if you want to read Hemingway, go to the library.  If you want to read about funny and sexy dating stories, stick around.
I have met a practically perfect man in Niceguy11 but I can feel myself not letting him get too close.   I’m sabotaging something with so much potential.    I know it but I can’t stop myself.
I don’t know why I can’t fully let go of Putter.   Why are some people harder to let go than others?   When I miss him, I really try to focus on the negative things about him but it isn’t tipping the scales for me.  I don’t know why I can’t get over him.   I’m being really honest with you sharing this, I know I should totally over him by now but I’m just not, even though I thought I was.
Maybe it would help to explain more about how we met and what our relationship was like.   The irony of it all was Putter was completely a rebound relationship.    I forced myself to date again after meeting someone I really fell hard and fast for, Kincaid.  (I will definitely write more about him later, but for now will just give enough details now so it all makes sense.)
I met Kincaid at the beginning of October.   Fall was just starting to arrive and the sky was blue and crisp on the first day we talked.   We clicked instantly and he seemed to understand every piece of me and for some reason he knew me inside and out in maybe a day.    He is a little older than me, grown kids, executive level job, intellectual, funny, and soulful.    In one word he is perfect.   

We fell fast for each other and meeting him felt like finding a piece of me that was missing.  I apologize for being corny, I know that sounds so cliché, but it is the only way I can describe it.  He brought out the best in me somehow.  He made me want to be a better version of myself and he was the reason I started writing again after giving it up for more than 20 years.  (So you can blame him, ok? Lol)  He abruptly broke up with me, (and it was NOT about the sex, because that was caliente, muy caliente!) 
After the breakup, I was bewildered  and all I could do to begin to make sense of it was to write again (plus I ran out of alcohol – just kiddin).   Have you ever met someone who you couldn’t remember what life was life without them… and you didn’t want to not know either… ?  Ya, well we were like this for each other, for some really weird reason.  Today, Kincaid is one of my best friends, is in a new relationship and is happy.  (I’m really happy for him… well mostly happy… hey I’m human I admit it…)
So, now that you know about what my relationship was like with Kincaid, I’ll explain Putter.   Putter was the opposite in just about every way.    He works a third shift, blue collar job.  He is cute, smart, he works hard and is a great dad.  He is funny, sweet and always cheerful.  He has been divorced a few years, his ex-wife cheated on him and they have two preadolescent daughters.      
Kincaid would be like the richest glass of red wine: layers of flavor and complex (in a good way).   
Putter would be like your everyday beer: refreshing, enjoyable, delicious and simple (in a good way).  
I went out with Putter because Kincaid encouraged me to move on and date again.   Secretly, I hoped me being wanted by another man would make Kincaid jealous but that just didn’t happen.    As time went on, I accepted that Kincaid wasn’t interested in me and Putter grew on me more.
It was this really weird dynamic between Kincaid and me.  He didn’t want to see me but he still wanted to be my friend and was sometimes really flirty too.   I was getting ready for my first date with Putter, and Kincaid texted me… “So where is he taking you?”  “What are you wearing?” “Are you nervous?”.    I’m thinking WTF?  Is he jealous or gonna come spy on me, what the hell?  
My first date with Kincaid, was like from a romance novel.    We had dinner together and about halfway through it he said I took his breath away the first 5 minutes when he met me.  He was kind of boyish and vulnerable when he said, you were so beautiful I couldn’t speak, "Could you tell?"  We instantly felt connected and even our goodnight kiss felt scripted, it started raining very lightly as our lips met.   It felt like my happy ending finally came, after everything I’d been through.  No happy ending, just an ending.
My first date with Putter, was about as opposite as you could get.  We went to a casual sports bar, had some drinks, played trivia, talked about everything from movies, our kids, sports and even farting.   We were attracted to each other, but it wasn’t like doves flew out of our asses when we met or anything. 
One of the things that Putter and had in common was music.  We had similar tastes and we talked a lot about it.  He knew my favorite singer (who is not necessarily a household name) Amos Lee.  When he knew him AND could name one of his songs, he had instant cred with me. 
Putter and I had chemistry and we kissed passionately in the parking lot.   He commented that I smelled like the vanilla perfume I’m known for.   It made him crazy, but he was a good boy.  We just had some nice kisses and ended our night looking forward to seeing each other again.
I honestly pictured Kincaid at home that night pacing the floor and dying miserably of jealously, realizing his stupidity and begging me to come back.  (that didn’t happen, duh!)
In the beginning, if Putter texted me, I might forget for a couple of hours (many times distracted by Kincaid) or just not think about it.   It probably made him pursue me more and it wasn’t intentional on my part, it just was because I wasn’t really into him yet.
I can remember getting ready for our second date, trying to force myself to go out but feeling really sad.  I was sitting in a bathrobe just out of the shower staring at Kincaid's Facebook picture, that I must have looked at 20 times a day back then, when he texted me.    It was something like, “Do you have a date tonight?”   It was really upsetting and I just wanted him to say “I don’t want you to go out with him, come over to my house.”  (I know I watch too many lame ass chick flicks, ok? I know, it ok?) 
That didn’t happen at all.  He encouraged me to go out with Putter and have a good time.   Him texting me actually pissed me off and was the kick in the ass I needed.  I decided to get my swagger on and march my ass out the door with every bit of sexy that I could find.  I was determined to have a great time and really move on.  Really.
Putter and I went to our local Irish Pub.   He was dying to use the restroom and goes off to it before we were seated.  I’m looking around for a table when I finally noticed a group of my friends who had spotted us and were trying to get my attention. They were a few couples from the neighborhood and had been there for dinner and a few beers.    We all hug and say hello and one of my girlfriends says,  “Oh great we get to meet Kincaid!”  I immediately say, UH NO… this isn’t "Kincaid", it’s "PUTTER".  Yikes!!     
Putter comes to the table and fits in perfectly with the men watching college football and is also trying to get to know my girlfriends equally.  He was sweet and he was making an effort to talk to everyone and yet was also affectionate with me. 
After the football game was over, my friends gathered up and left.  We exchanged hugs and kisses and Putter could tell how loved I am by my friends, and what wonderful people they are.   He and I moved to a table by the fireplace for another beer and some really heavy duty flirting.    We were sitting in two chairs facing each other our knees touching each other, my hands on his legs and his on mine.   We were looking deeply into each other’s eyes.
The song, Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars was really popular at that time and came on.     Putter began mouthing the words to me along with the song, touching my face when he said beautiful.
Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

It sounds cheesy but it wasn’t at all, it was sweet and romantic.  Before the song was over we were making out hardcore in the middle of the pub.  The bar was pretty empty, but it really didn’t matter, we were unaware of anything or anyone around us.    He invited me to his place which was just a few minutes away.    I believed him when he promised that nothing will happen that I didn’t want to happen and he wanted me to stay overnight with him.   We got our coats and keys and practically ran out of there, me following him in my car.  I’m driving to his place the whole time, thinking “I’m not gonna sleep with him.  I’m not gonna sleep with him.  I’m not gonna sleep with him. I’m not gonna sleep with him.”
Pretty much knowing in my head I WAS going to sleep with him.
So ya, it went down.  You can pick your favorite version of the story from the two below:
Porn Version:  We went up to his apartment, I locked the door behind me and I said “Fuck me, NOW!” He ripped off my clothes, tied me down with my own black lace bra and we had sex right there, making so much noise that the neighbors called the police.
Chick Flick Version:  We went up to his apartment, he took off my coat and lit some candles.  He then played Amos Lee (our favorite singer) on his Ipod for me and brought me in a drink.  We stood in front of each other staring at each other, started kissing as he slowly removed my blouse, planting numerous gentle kisses on my shoulder as he gently slid my bra strap down my arm.   He gently reached around and unhooked my bra and began kissing my breasts softly, took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom and then…. 
I locked the door behind me and I said “Fuck me, NOW!” He ripped off my clothes tied me down with my own black lace bra and we had sex right there, making so much noise that the neighbors called the police.   Lol…

So, no seriously it was like the chick flick version, romantic and sweet.  We made love several times and it was a-ma-zing.  We were very affectionate and there was lots of closeness, leaving in the morning was really difficult.   After that we kept seeing each other, there was lots of passion, he met my friends, I met his.  Life was great.  We always had fun, never argued, just had good times and great sex. 
Then 2 weeks before Christmas I unexpectedly lost my job and Putter broke up with me immediately after.    WTF???
I wasn’t freaking out, I wasn’t really upset… well UNTIL Putter broke up with me.   Then I lost it, I really did.   I was spiraling down fast, didn’t care about anything, didn’t want the holidays to come, I was miserable. 
I was upset, sent some nasty texts that I regret and tried to put him in the past.   Thought I did.  Didn’t text him for a few weeks.

Until now.

The Single Mom

Next time: Texting Putter...   Three words:  Lame... Sexy... and  LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY!  I can't believe I am going to really write this...


renae said...

I laughed so hard at the two versions of the sex story. Made me think of a sitcom! Thank you for your blog, just found it but can relate and laugh1

singlemom said...

Great Renae! It was fun writing it that way too. Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think!