Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Top Ten Spring Date Ideas!

There's nothing like the joy of a spring day to bring love to your heart!  Take full advantage of the emerging bliss of spring to ignite the fire in you and go out on a perfect spring date!  (Or just do one of the Single Mom's favorite date ideas, naked Slip n Slide, ya but these are good too, lol)

1.  Picnic - Pack up a romantic picnic lunch and take it to the park on a sunny afternoon. 

2.  Baseball - Go to a local baseball game in your area, snag some peanuts and Cracker Jacks and root on your home team.

3.  Garage Sales - Rummage around some local garage sales.   Put your own twist on it and make it a scavenger hunt.  Try to find the most unusual things and the loser has to buy lunch for the winner, make it fun. 

4.  Zoo - Hoof it to your local zoo to see the animals.  There's nothing like being around nature to awaken the spring spirit.

5.  Go Ziplining - Take your adventurous spirit along with your date for an afternoon of ziplining.   It's fun and an adrenaline rush is proven to increase bonding.

6.  Farmer's Market - Hunt down your local farmer's market for some fresh produce and then make a romantic dinner at home with your findings, yum!

7.  Stargazing - Pack up a warm blanket and head out to look at the stars.

8.  Horseback Riding - Saddle up and take a romantic horseback ride with your love.

9.  Fly a Kite -  Head out on the sunniest spring afternoon with a colorful kite and go fly a kite!

10.   Concert in the Park -  Head out with your date to a local park on a spring night to listen to live music.  Bring the blanket and a bottle of wine and snuggle up.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!" Robin Williams

Hope all your dates are wonderful!


The Single Mom

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Naked (Adult Content)

His words shocked me and made my body go numb.     His text said, “I’m falling for you, hard.”

I got Southerngent’s text when I was paying for groceries, digging for change and answering the bagger, “plastic”.    In my mind, I was cooking dinner for the boys, putting away the groceries and then rushing off to counsel my friend tonight.  Lots of tasks to check off the list, an impromptu phone conversation didn’t exactly fit into the plan.
I returned his call from the car, bags carefully stowed in the trunk.    It was a chilly March evening, sunny and the promise of spring in the air, yet the bite of winter still lingered.
Southerngent reached out to me several times today, this past one was a request to call him.  Emotionally, I’m at a different place with him, his extreme hot and cold behavior and the fact that he hasn’t spent time with me lately forced me into a corner, and into the arms of Putter.  I was honest with him and told him why I felt the way I did.   Although he didn’t intend to hurt me, he did and that doesn’t make it hurt any less.   I gave him a part of me, bared my soul to him and gave him a small piece of my heart.  We talked a lot about being together and making love.  But, it was just talk.
Now on the phone, I explained the reasons for my distance as he tried to bridge the distance with words.  Although I’ve waited a long time to hear words like the ones he spoke today, his timing sucked.    He completely exposed himself when he said, “I’m ready, I’m falling for you and I haven’t felt this way in a long time, a very long time.  I want to be with you, and I’m sure about you.  You’re funny, you always make me smile and you’re so damned sexy.”   I didn’t know what to say, what could I?  I feel like I’ve been beating my head against a wall for weeks, telling him what I need waiting for him to step up and spend time with me.   He hesitated and allowed Putter to sneak into that crack.  (so to speak, people, lol)
The conversation ended abruptly, a dropped call and no signal, perfect.
Carrying the groceries into the house, I paused to notice the purple crocus blooms.  They were the first to proudly trumpet the arrival of spring a couple of weeks ago on a sunny March afternoon.   Today, their petals are closed tightly in retreat, reacting to winter’s last icy curtain call.  Falling in love is like that, moments of vulnerability and moments of retreat.
It’s been almost two weeks since I saw Southerngent, so despite what he says, his actions send a totally different message.  What SHOULD I think?  I’ve been strung along way too many times in the past to go down that road again.    In a perfect world, I’d already be madly in love with him because he’s everything I could want.   But this isn’t a perfect world, by far and he’s only making it worse.  
In my mind, I’m still processing my raw feelings for Putter.   His kisses still linger on my skin.  I reminisce of us being together, naked and all imperfections exposed.      Our bodies move together in concert, they fit perfectly.    It’s like putting beautiful lyrics with the perfect music.    He’s seen my body in poses that only someone wielding a speculum or a hot puddle of bikini wax have ever seen before.    I’ve been completely stripped in front of him in every way.
I haven’t heard from him since I saw him and that’s very unsettling.     The irony is that while Putter doesn’t SAY a lot, his actions have been doing the talking lately.  This is the exact opposite of Southerngent.  He SAYS he’s ready, he texts me, calls me, he has the words, but not the actions.   He’s not the typical man, he can say the “R” (relationship) word without choking it up.   However, if he cannot make time for me it's all irrelevant.
I can juggle schedules, priorities, time demands but I cannot juggle hearts, moreover I don’t want to.  Hot or cold, naked or clothed… it’s time to decide.


The Single Mom  

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Single Mom's Dating Diary as a book??? Hmmm....

@ live, love, laugh, *write it up*, consider the book deal, get filthy rich, remember you tweeps, and keep tweeting?   ~ from one of my Twitter Friends - wubanger5
I really am writing a book, hope y'all aren't sick of me...  but I so appreciate all the support from Twitter Followers & Facebookers!   If you don't know the story, I started this blog because I was dumped and fired last Christmas.  Looked around at my pathetic butt and said, "O HELL to the NO!  I'm not goin' down like this, I'm getting my humor and my swagg on and gonna write my happy ending..."  So thank you for being a part of it, if you're reading this, then you're a part of that happy ending...c'mon let's go walk into the sunset together...

Red Lacy Panties, Passion, and a Confused Heart

A note, a cd and a paper bag filled with candy and closure.  Unspoken words, desires unmet left on Putter’s doorstep inside a brown sack.   It wasn’t an act of drama, it wasn’t nasty, just fulfilling a promise and closing the door.   One door closed, so another could be opened.  
My feelings were not reciprocated so I packed them up in a little bag.   With a deep breath and a heavy heart, I ascended the stairs to his apartment and silently said my goodbyes.    Together we’ve known incredible passion, anger and been through a plethora of emotions.   All that’s in the past, we’ve forgiven each other and made peace and love, or sex to be more accurate.
It was now time to realize that sex was all it would ever be.   I wasn’t in his heart and I wanted more.    For all the writing I do about sex, when the rubber meets the road, someone really has to have my heart for me to sleep with them.  I haven’t been with anyone else besides him, in nearly 6 months.   However, it was now time to finish that chapter and begin a new one, as hard as that was.  So, about three weeks ago, I did that and put all my energy into a new relationship.
I was getting close to letting in “Southerngent”, very close.   We’ve been talking for about two months, getting to know each other slowly, there’s been connection but lately he’s giving me mixed signals.  He talks about being ready to commit to me and be in a relationship, yet he’s still active on the dating site.   We’ve also barely seen each other.  He just doesn’t make time for me.   If I’ve learned anything from the last 6 chaotic years of dating, it’s to judge a man more on his actions than words.    There comes a point when texting just isn’t enough anymore.  Fact.
This is the perfect segue to Putter’s actions.    I’ve seen a change, he knows what I want and asked me on a date, a real date.  
We met for drinks and talked, cracked up actually.  We were playful and giddy.   Our chemistry is absolutely off the charts.    We laugh, we can talk about anything and we want each other like no other.    When we are together, I get lost and feel like a kid.    It feels like we could go from having a squirt gun fight in the backyard to making out like teenagers in about 10 seconds.   I think if we ever did have a life together, we would have so much fun and be so incredibly happy.  
We talked, softly kissed and drank.   His finger traced the border of my red lacy panties peeking out of the top of my pants, his mouth opened up to mine and he kissed me hard, pressing his body against mine.   Something was different about him.  His kisses were more tender, he held me tighter, he opened up more, or did I just imagine it?
Southerngent is pushing me away and I’ve told him so.  Putter is drawing me near, doing things he knows I want and need.    I’m not sure what to do, but I do know that whatever happens, I have to be smart.

Thanks for reading and I welcome your comments!


The Single Mom

PS  This blog post was extremely difficult to write for a couple of reasons.  First, it forces me to face my true feelings for Putter.    He has my heart, I don’t know if he wants it but he has it.   Secondly, the transparency of writing a blog like this, practically in real time makes it difficult to keep a “poker face” in real life.  Whew, hard stuff. 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Sexting in the Suburbs: The Funny and Sexy Life of a Single Suburban Mom (Adult Content)

Packing lunches, smelly gym socks and last minute trips to Wal-Mart for poster board at 9:00 at night are daily realities of my life.   It’s a challenge to maintain romance and passion in the midst of parenting two teenage boys.   Thus was the downfall of my ill-fated marriage, so I intentionally try to sustain passion and romance in relationships now.
It’s not just about the time constraints.   Often the challenge is an emotional one.  It’s really difficult to make a mood shift to respond in kind to a sexy text from my man in a moment that I’m not feeling particularly sexy.    Standing in my kitchen toiling over a sink full of dirty dishes, rockin pajama pants while simultaneously reducing fractions makes it difficult to react in a sexy way when the text comes in, “What are you wearing, baby?”  Do I maintain the truth in our relationship and say, “a Mickey Mouse t-shirt with spaghetti sauce stains, pajama pants with a black and white puppy pattern, accessorized with a day old ponytail”?  Or, do I backburner truth for the sake of passion and reply with, “Just getting out of the shower, baby drying off”.     
Tonight for example, I couldn’t take the phone call from the person I’m currently seeing because of a night crunched with grocery shopping and homework.  Eight bags of groceries and one George Washington poster later, I realized I’d missed two texts and one phone call from him.  
The reality that I’m a single woman and somewhat attractive, took a while for my kids to digest.   I can remember the reality smacking my oldest (he was 12 at the time) in the face early in my single life when a trucker next to us at a light was obnoxiously ogling me and it made my young teenage son feel awkward.  He said out loud, “Ew… he’s checking you out, mom!”    I will take the liberty to translate this to 12 year old boy for you, “Yuck, that’s my mom, she can’t be hot.”
My boys have only met a few of the men in my life, but have witnessed heartbreak and sent me off for many dates with best wishes many times.  Their skin is much thicker now and they truly want me to find happiness.
Last summer, I was seeing someone and it was hard to find private time to be together.  A few unplanned stolen moments of privacy appeared from nowhere on a summer’s evening.   My kids made last minute plans to go watch a football game.  Three texts later and the man I was seeing was on his way over to take advantage of this rare opportunity.   A racing pulse, an outfit change and a quick shave in the bathroom sink later, I’m opening the door to my beau du jour.  
He and I went down to our finished basement and did adult stuff, wink wink.  Both of us were shocked when we heard the boys’ muffled voices upstairs no later than 30 minutes after they left.  It was way too early in the relationship to introduce them, but now there was no avoiding it.  We both put ourselves back together and composed ourselves before heading upstairs to face the unavoidable embarrassing moment ahead of us.   Hand to God, my boys saw there was a car in the driveway, figured out that this was the man I'd been talking about recently and prepared a witty comment for the situation.
I introduced this new man in my life to my boys, sitting like angels quietly on the couch.  They innocently looked up at him and said, “Are you our daddy?”    My date freaked out a little (a father of 5 kids of his own) for a second. The boys couldn’t hold their giggles for long as I tried to fake the infamous mom’s stink eye face, unsuccessfully suppressing laughter of my own.
Although I feel like a fish out of water, swimming around in this pool of married couples, I try to make the best of it and laugh along the way.  I also try to maintain my relationships as best as I can, whether that means sexting while my friends are having a conversation about the Vacation Bible School carpool, or sneaking off for a “milk run”.   I'm making the best of this surreal situation and I invite you along for the ride.


The Single Mom

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sexting in the Suburbs: Let the Rumors Fly!

Living in the suburbs as a single woman, I absolutely cannot win, so I’ve stopped caring what people think.  I’ve been single now for about 6 years and in the beginning, I used to care a lot about the rumors and try to manage what was said about me for the sake of my boys.   My oldest was just in junior high at that time and my youngest was in early elementary school.   I’m an excellent mom and my kids know the truth, so they totally have my back on this.
When my marriage started to unravel, the rumors were flying around like wildfire.  We were miserable for many years and there was no salvaging it.  I started caring about my appearance a lot and I lost a lot of weight.  I went from being the mom in sweats rockin the carpool to the mom in heels, dressed cute.  I grew out my hair, lightened it and started feeling like more of a woman. 
That only fueled the rumors all over our upper income tightly woven community.  People made assumptions that weren’t true about my son’s (married) basketball coach and me.   I wasn’t having a relationship with him but my (former) best friend was.  I was the only one who knew, but I kept it under wraps to not expose them.  
I recently ran into a friend who offered her condolences to me about the breakup of a serious relationship I had with a live in boyfriend.   I said, “Back that truck up…?  Who lived with me?”    After she described what she heard, I pieced together the man she was referring to.   This was probably the most serious relationship I’ve had during these 6 years.     He literally spent the night ONCE, underline ONCE at my house.   It was New Year’s Eve, we went to a party and he spent the night, scandalous, I know. 
Not more than two weeks after that I ran into one of the women who 6 years ago was the source of most of the rumors about me and the basketball coach.  I saw her at our neighborhood grocery store the week before Christmas.   She went on to congratulate me on being back together with my ex-husband.    Imagine my shock upon hearing this news, since he lives on the other side of town with his girlfriend and her two children.  There honestly wasn’t one shred of truth to it and I just laughed at her for saying it.
Last summer, I had a man over for dinner whom I was very interested in.  He was a great man, attractive, smart and sweet.    We had only been out a couple of times when I invited him over to grill out and watch a movie together at my house.
We started by having cold beers on the patio while he fired up the grill.   We relaxed, chatted and were laughing, maybe holding hands, maybe.  It was a beautiful summer evening, lots of families were outside, in backyards that adjoin mine.  
As he went to flip the steaks on the grill, he turned around to look at me awkwardly and said, “We are being watched.”     He pointed to the next door neighbor’s house and the nosy neighbor lady who was peering at us through the bushes.  Even after we made eye contact with her, she didn’t stop watching us.  We then started to playfully tease like he was spanking me and we were being naughty in broad daylight.  
On the flip side of that, if I’m at home on a Saturday night talking to my neighbors in the cul du sac, they kind of shake their head out of pity and I know they are thinking, “Wow she can’t get a date.  What a shame, she’s pretty too.  Maybe we should get her some kittens or something.”     It’s funny now to me how people jump to conclusions but know nothing of the situation.
I ran into a married friend recently on a Saturday night.  I was wearing jeans, a sweater set, boots.   I looked cute, but didn’t have nipples popping out or didn’t look like I just climbed off a stripper pole or anything.    She said, “You look nice, are you going out clubbing tonight?”   Just then my son whom I was out with walked up and all I could do was give her a weird look.  
I was literally watching basketball with my son and just because I had makeup on and looked put together, she assumed I was going out trollin.   Hey if I was going out clubbin, I’d have at least both cracks showing, (cleavage and a hint of ass crack) and at least one nipple.    Come on, I wouldn’t waste my time trollin in sweater set, sheesh, give me some credit!
The Single Mom

Monday, March 21, 2011

Second date with "Southerngent": Drinks, Flirting and Lots of Kisses

Stop, go, slow down, speed up.
Southerngent and I have definitely had a bumpy ride along our dating road.  My approach was tentative at first when I approached him.  He seemed great, but more like friend material since he was just newly initiated into the divorce club.   He’d text or call and I’d respond but not necessarily right away.   I didn't really flirt with him a lot and kept our communication friendly.   I wanted to get to know him but I wasn’t quick to jump into romantic feelings.    All of this changed after our first date when we both felt chemistry and attraction for each other.  He is an incredible man who is worth getting to know.  However, I’m taking it much more slowly than in a normal situation.
The road to getting to know each other was paved with a few speedbumps.  Life got in the way, unfortunately and legitimate reasons, family health issues and emergency travel forced us apart, yet ironically pushed us together emotionally.  We both had loved ones who had a stroke on the same exact day, so emotionally we were experiencing similar feelings.  However, travel was involved and I had to jet across the country on last minute’s notice.    We were able though to share this experience and it brought us closer.
We talked or texted every day, several times a day in fact.  More than two weeks passed by with both of us not being able to see each other.   The flirting kicked up a couple of notches and it felt right.  We were moving along in cruise control, not speeding, taking the curves slowly, proceeding with caution. 
I know I’m being intentionally cautious for two major reasons.  First, he is newly divorced, so that has orange cones and blinking yellow lights all over it.  Secondly, I’m trying to make sure I’m ready.   If this was my typical relationship pattern, I’d be behind the wheel of this new car, speeding around the turns and probably be off to the side of the road already out of gas, as usual.   
I traded in my fast sports car for a sexy sedan.  After looking back in my rearview mirror and seeing myself land up in a big ditch off the side of the road time after time, I figured out I need to slow down a bit… make sure I was ready.   I decided I should kick the tires a bit and take the car out for a test drive before I buy it and drive it off the lot.  
We have a weeknight date, planned between our kids’ calendars.   We agree to meet in a restaurant and make our plans.    The excitement  to see each other has been building and we’ve talked about wanting to make spending time together a priority from here on out.  
I was excited getting ready for our date, practically like my own personal pit crew, waxing the finish, making it shiny, polishing it.    I check under the hood and make sure its clean, the engine is revving up nicely, ready to go.    My makeup is on, hair is straightened and shiny, I’m really excited to see my man again.  I chose a casual outfit, jeans and a red sweater worn off the shoulder and my high red heels, of course.  One last look in the mirror and I can’t wait for him to see me.
As I descend the steps to the first floor, I hear the hushed voices of my son’s youth group meeting in my family room.   Before I hit the bottom step, I pulled up my off the shoulder sweater up over my shoulders, covering my shoulders and I ditched the red heels in the corner as I said goodbye to the kids.  “Have a good time, “Ms. Single Mom” my son’s teenage friends say as I leave. 
It was a warm, sunny and beautiful March evening and I felt the excitement of early spring.   I was going through my mental checklist of what we might talk about.  He texted me to let me know he had arrived.   I was crawling in rush hour traffic, the excitement to see him was building.  When I finally got there, he met me in the parking lot and greeted me with a compliment that was a cute catcall and with lots of passionate kisses.   We broke our kissing and went inside the restaurant, following our hostess up the stairs.  He teasingly and discreetly smacked my butt as I climbed the stairs in front of him.   
We were seated on the same side of the booth together annoyingly under a bright table light.  We both ordered tall draft beers and the conversation moved quickly.  We both flirted with each other and we both had smirks on our faces when the waitress came back with our beers.   She was intrusive and came back way too many times.   Southerngent and I talked about our kids, life, romance and how much we missed seeing each other.   Our hands were touching each other innocently yet the touching was having a not so innocent impact on both of us. 
The short time we had flew by making it seem much shorter than it really was.   Inside the restaurant he was careful to not be too demonstrative.    As we walked outside, it was just transitioning from daylight to darkness.  The sky was a beautiful display of oranges, pinks and yellows.   He leaned me up against my car and we kissed for several minutes, romantically.  Being aware of the people around us, we took some breaks in our kissing and giggled like teenagers until the passersby left.   He planted romantic and passionate kisses on my neck which he knows makes me crazy.    I began lightly moaning while he did this as it felt like my body was literally melting under his mouth.    A few goodnight kisses later, it was time to say goodnight which we both did reluctantly.
As we said goodbye, and I had a chance to reflect on our date, it felt good being back on the road again, foot on the accelerator and ready to go.   Maybe it was for the best that all of these traffic jams were in our way so that we could create something really lasting and get to know each other all the more. 

However, would this be our last speedbump or would it be easy driving from here on out?  You'll have to keep reading of course...


The Single Mom

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Answering your Questions about Rockstar and.... Where Are They Now?

Thank you for all of your interest in the Rockstar series, I'm truly glad you enjoyed reading it.   I received so much positive support about it and a whole lot of questions. 

This happened about this time last year, so the dust has settled.   The number one question I've been asked was do you still hear from him?    The answer is yes.   Without going into too much detail, he owed me money -  a significant amount.  He paid it back and we had a huge heart to heart.  He also gave some gifts to my kids as an olive branch.  I thought for a second that this experience changed him, it did not. 

After he paid me back and we talked, we were friends again on IM and had some conversations back and forth.  I abruptly ended contact last fall when I just realized it wasn't worth it to me.    I heard from him at Christmas and I didn't really get into having a conversation with him.  He gave me his new number and asked me to text him.  I didn't. 
For this story, I Googled him and I wish I was making this up but I'm not... he is on a dating site looking for wealthy women.   Go figure.

He tried to tell me that he was just with The Third Woman waiting for me to be available and it was just a part of his life's routine.  From talking to her so much, I didn't believe it at all.   There were times going through all of this that I doubted if she was telling me things so I'd lose interest in him.   At times, I didn't know who to trust, so in the end I'm better off without any of them.

The Third Woman and he did date again after all of this.  I honestly don't know how long or if they still are.  She and I don't talk anymore, once she took him back, she blamed me for making him upset about repaying me.   

The Mystery Texter stopped texting me back after that night.  It was really odd, but I understand. 

It's honestly better being away from it all and keeping a distance and writing off my friendship with Rockstar.   I have more than enough friends and once I evaluated it objectively, it was easy to let go of him.   He was in my life during many pivotal times and knew me really well, yet it was more harmful having him around in the present. 

I didn't want to publish this story because it made me look like a total dumbass.  Yet, I heard from so many women and men who said, "I did that too, so many times.  I don't know why I took her/him back time after time."   If anything, it made me human.   

Having this series finished is a huge relief too.  I cannot explain it better than to say that writing about him gave him real estate in my brain.  I hated having him live there even for this.  I listened to our music, looked at pictures of us and went to our special places just to write this story with more emotion.  I can tell you the emotions overlapped in my real life.   I know I trust the current man I'm seeing a little less because I was reliving this.  He and I talked about it and he completely understands.

I'm humbled that I've touched people and entertained people with this story.   It was a huge learning experience and I've been very different since.    In some ways, I'm better for all of this, some I'm worse.  But, I'm trying to make sense of all of this and improve myself along the way.   That's all any of us can do, really is to learn from our mistakes and keep getting up off the mat to fight another day. 

Thank you again for reading and thank you for the feedback!


The Single Mom

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (part 11): The Finale, Our Sweet Revenge on Rockstar

Catching you up:  "Rockstar" was someone from my past, on and off for about 4 years.   He had broken my heart several times, the last one Valentine's Day 2010 when he stood me up.  Shortly after that another woman (Secret Texter)  started texting me telling me she had been seeing him.  She also told me there was another woman, (The Third Woman).    The Third Woman and I started talking and she couldn't make a decision about whether she should be with him or not.   His dishonestly through the years was finally catching up with him as I uncovered many of his lies.  The Third Woman was starting to see through him too, we even talked about creating a fake dating profile just to see what he would say to us.  Before that we decided to have some fun with him by making him think that I saw him with The Third Woman at the mall being cozy together.  We then make our final plans to even the score.

The Third Woman told me that she continued to have fun with him on the way home.  Apparently, his mom was miraculously better and he didn’t have to go see her after all.   She made a point to question him a lot about his texting at the mall and he used his mom being sick as the reason he was so intently texting.  
When they got back home he went straight to the Jack Daniels, from her account he was noticeably shaken.  She immediately went to her bedroom to text me.  We were laughing about it, but I could tell she was hurting under it all too.   She told me in a way she was jealous of me because something always brought him back to me all these years.   I told her not to be jealous in the least because he hurt me every time.

We texted back and forth for a few hours, sharing a lot of feelings.  Even though I couldn’t hear her voice I knew she was upset coming to the realization that he had lied to her so much.  She said she started feeling suspicious on Valentine’s Day when he left in the middle of the day “to watch his cousin’s kids so they could go out to dinner”.   Evidently that was when he left to go see the Mystery Texter (the first woman who texted me letting me know everything).   I live across the city from the three of them, so he may have intended to make me one of his stops that day, but the weather was truly awful.  In retrospect, it didn’t matter and It was time to put all of this in the past.
The memories of the past 4 years on and off with him flashed through my mind.  I was coming to accept mourning the loss of our future together, but I now had to let go of someone I truly considered a best friend.  We im’d most every day, several times a day and since he rarely slept, I could practically reach him anytime I needed him.  He was one of just a few men who’d ever met my kids and my friends.   In fact, it caused a huge commotion one time a couple of summers after meeting him when we were seen at a summer festival together in my little Mayberry community.  I knew he truly cared about me, maybe even loved me but he had major issues and I could never trust him again.
That day I felt myself separate myself from him and it was really hard to explain but it felt like he missed me.   The Third Woman told me that he was cranky all night, drinking and listening to music in the dark. 
She and I decided we’d create a fake online dating profile and see what he would say. I advised her to ask him straight up if he was still on the site, which he adamantly denied.   That lie made all of this part much easier to stomach.  I used a picture of me from Halloween a couple of years before.  I was wearing a black wig and it was kind of blurry.    My face wasn’t recognizable but it was an attractive picture overall.  
When I wrote the profile, I created practically an ideal woman for him.   A woman who loved rock, soccer, older, had some money and seemed laid back in general.  It was actually fun creating the profile.  When I read through the wording, it almost seemed too obvious.   What if he got suspicious and saw through all of this?   I couldn’t worry about it, I baited the trap and then set it.   Now, all I'd have to do was to wait.
Monday morning, he got on the dating site as The Third Woman went to work, like clockwork.   Immediately, he sent a wink.  I texted The Third Woman as soon as it came in.  I know she was secretly hoping that he wouldn’t talk to her but he did.  A few minutes later he sent a breezy email very similar to the first one he sent to me with an invitation to instant message.   Ironically, he sent me a text in the middle of all this activity: “Hi baby, what did you get me at the Apple store?”  What an ass! 
I almost felt bad about tricking him like this, almost.   I knew him inside and out and pushed all of his buttons: music, soccer and sex.   While I was instant messaging him, I was sending texts to The Third Woman updating her about what he said.  She wanted me to ask him directly if he was single, and he said emphatically “yes”.    
He said he really wanted to meet me and I wasn’t going to string this along; that would be cruel.  So The Third Woman and I had our plan in place to have him meet us at the bar that he went to several times a week, the one where everyone knew him, and The Third Woman too.  He suggested to the pretend profile girl that she meet him there for a drink as their first date. 
So, that night I borrowed a phone from a friend so I could text him from a different number, told him I was running a few minutes late (as the pretend profile girl) and to order me a beer.
He was at the bar already, The Third Woman was in the bathroom and knew exactly when to come out.   I came in and acted surprised to see him sitting at the bar, sat down and ordered a drink, hugging him.  He acted happy to see me but was visibly nervous because he was waiting on the pretend profile girl.   He had little drops of sweat beading on his forehead and used the back of his hand to wipe it off, still trying to be casual.

Fortunately, I had the borrowed phone on vibrate because he texted her, “Hey this place is busy, can we meet somewhere else?”…  trying to get out of this sticky situation. 
He told me he couldn’t stay because he was on his way to a meeting but we had to see each other soon.   I hugged him and he kissed me quickly on the mouth,  saying “It’s sooooo good seeing you baby.  When can we do something?”
The Third Woman came out of the bathroom right on cue and saw him kiss me and acted shocked to see him.   She said, “Who is this and why did you just kiss her?”  His mouth fell wide open when he saw her and he absolutely did not know what to do.   “Wait, I can explain” he tried to say to both of us over and over again.    We both said, “Forget it just get the hell out of here!”   We were all being somewhat loud and the entire bar was looking at the three of us and watching the scene that was unfolding in front of their eyes.

He quickly left and the bartender bought us celebratory shots as the entire bar erupted in applause. 

He had another surprise waiting for him in the parking lot.  While he was inside the bar, the Mystery Texter (another one of his girlfriends at the same time as us) was “decorating” his car.  She used wash off temporary paint to write “cheater” “asshole” and “douchebag” all over his car.  She wanted to be a part of the plan, but didn’t want to face him.

She came into the bar and we all hugged each other, cried and high fived each other.   We celebrated and drank one last shot “To Rockstar” and clinked our glasses together in unity.

The End


The Single Mom

Monday, March 14, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (part 10): Making Him Squirm...

Catching you up:  "Rockstar" was someone from my past, on and off for about 4 years.   He had broken my heart several times, the last one Valentine's Day 2010 when he stood me up.  Shortly after that another woman (Secret Texter)  started texting me telling me she had been seeing him.  She also told me there was another woman, (The Third Woman).    The Third Woman and I started talking and she couldn't make a decision about whether she should be with him or not.   His dishonestly through the years was finally catching up with him as I uncovered many of his lies.  The Third Woman was starting to see through him too, we even talked about creating a fake dating profile just to see what he would say to us.  Before that we decided to have some fun with him...

The Third Woman and I ended our conversation as she was pulling into her driveway, ironically Rockstar was inside waiting for her unaware of everything.    Our goodbyes were filled with shallow laughter that was masking layers of sadness for both of us.  She told me she would talk to me tomorrow when she had privacy and she wasn’t going to make any decisions quickly.
I waited for her to call me the next day and the conversation was quite awkward.  Her feelings for him were pulling her in different directions.  She tried to convince herself that I was somehow lying or there was another explanation that we both hadn’t thought of.   Basically, she was being foolish much like I had been, trying to give him every reasonable chance. 
The Third Woman described the same sinking feeling when she saw his active profile on the dating site for herself.  Seeing it with her own eyes made it more real to her and made the truth more difficult to ignore.  However, she still was holding onto a shred of denial, trying to make all of this add up differently.  She kept going from one extreme to the other, one minute saying that she shouldn’t be so stupid and the next moment saying how much she loved him.  
She and I talked every day.  Some days she sounded like she wanted to leave him and others she wasn’t so convinced.  It was an awkward position for me because really what could I say?  If I told her she was being stupid and she should leave him, I would have looked like a hypocrite and maybe like I was trying to break them up.   If I told her to stay with him I’m giving her advice I wouldn’t believe in.  So, I tried to just take on the role of listener and friend. 
It was an odd dynamic because we had so much in common and shared so much of our feelings about him, she felt like a girlfriend.  Yet, I was also "competition" in her eyes and she tried to play this game like "he loves me more".  Frankly, I couldn’t care less, I'd already made peace with it and had moved on to being mad.
Other days, however she saw other holes in their relationship.  She and I talked about how he’d never introduced us to his family and how he was evasive whenever a conversation like that came up.  He also didn’t especially get along with one of her teenage daughters and gave her parenting advice.  So, for her to receive parenting advice from someone who couldn’t even be trusted to water houseplants over the weekend, it pissed her off.
On Saturday morning of that week both of them texted me somewhat early. He started texting me because he couldn’t sleep, and he wanted to talk dirty with me.  She started texting me later that morning that they were going to the City Center Mall that day.  She and I were joking that I should make him think I was there too.  At first I thought it crossed the line, but then when I realized that he was trying to get me to have a sexual conversation with him while he was in her house, I was pissed. 
I asked him what he was doing that day and when he lied to me that he was taking his parents out to lunch with bonus money, it only added fuel to my fire.  Earlier in the week he shared how he was excited that he got a bonus and was going to buy some things at the Apple store.
She and I planned it all out, that she was going to text me when they went to the Apple store. She also told me all the stores he was planning to go to for his all day hopping spree.   I asked her what he was wearing to have more details.   As soon as they got to the mall, he made a beeline to the Apple store.   According to her,  he was extremely affectionate that day and was like a kid in a candy store excited about buying his new toys.
I on the other hand was at my son’s basketball game on the other side of town, with no intentions of going close to the City Center Mall.  I waited until he was just getting ready to buy everything until I texted him.  I said: 


The Single Mom
Gosh, I would swear you have a twin… I’m at the City Center Mall and I could have SWORN I just saw you.

The Third Woman
OMG!!   He just put everything down and went to the back of the store to text you.

Nope not me, I’m with my parents having lunch, remember? Ttyl, baby.


The Third Woman
He looks SO nervous, lmao!


The Single Mom
No, I remember but it looked just like you and your faded Metallica t-shirt. 

The Third Woman
This is cracking me UP!   He just told me his mom is sick and we might have to leave.   He looks like he is going to throw up!

The Single Mom (to "Rockstar")
I had to run to return my kids shoes, I’m headed back to the Apple store anyway, I was gonna buy you a little surprise.

You are so sweet, what were you going to get me?  Sorry I can’t talk now, I’ll talk to you after lunch, ok?

The Third Woman
OMG, I’m texting you from the bathroom.  He put down everything he was going to buy and told me we had to leave, NOW.  I told him I had to go to the bathroom first.

The Single Mom
That is hilarious!!  He hasn’t said anything in a few minutes.

The Third Woman
I was dying laughing, we were on the escalator and he kept looking around for you, he was so nervous.  I made sure I was holding his hand the entire time.  OMG, this is so fun!

This was just the beginning of our fun…

The Single Mom

Friday, March 11, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (part 9): Finding out He Wasn't Really A Rockstar and A Plan...

Catching you up.... “Rockstar” stood me up on Valentine’s Day and broke my heart for what I swore was the last time.  We’d had a 5 year on and off history, broken heart (me) and lots of broken plans (him).     After Valentine’s Day he texted, emailed, called, Im’d, everything to try to convince me to give him another chance.   It was starting to get to me but I wasn’t sure yet.   After I went to a dinner out with girlfriends trying to forget about him, a Secret Texter, texted me.   She told me she was seeing him and I didn’t believe her at first.  

When I confronted him about it, he told me she was lying and that it was probably a wrong number.    The next morning, I had a text from her, "Why did you tell him, you BITCH".    This told me he was obviously lying to me.    She and I then compare similar stories of his lies, she also tells me he is seeing a third woman.  We decide to align forces against him.   He continued lying to me, sent me an emotional email promising me his love and sending me a song.  After an emotional hour or so, I got a text from the "Mystery Texter".  The bastard sent both of us the same song!   I told "The Third Woman" and she didn't completely believe me but we keep talking...

I had her attention and I told her that he had sent the same song last night to the Mystery Texter and me with emotional emails.    The tone of her voice changed and she sounded really upset.   I heard her say something to a coworker in the background like, “I’ll be right there.”     She came back on the phone and told me she had to get back to work.  Although I knew she did truly have to get to work, I wondered if she was using it a little to also remove herself from this upsetting conversation.  It truly wasn’t my concern, I told her what I needed to and it was up to her to believe it or not.
She was really gracious as she signed off and seemed genuine when she thanked me for letting her know.  I wasn’t sure whether to feel appreciated or blown off but it felt like a mixture of both. 
I texted my “Mystery Texter” to let her know I talked to “The Third Woman” and told her about him and the song and about both of us.    She and I texted back and forth about it and she told me that she has completely ignored all of his texts for more than a week and had no intentions to ever talk to him again. 
As we were ending the conversation her goodbye to me felt more final than usual, because she signed off with “good luck”.   I felt a little used, maybe she just wanted me to be the one to deliver this awful blow to this innocent girl.   I told myself I was probably overthinking this as usual and to let it go.   The bottom line was although all of this was painful, it prevented me from making a huge mistake and getting more hurt down the road.  It was up to “The Third Woman” to make decisions for herself.  I had enough to go on to close off myself to feeling anything for him anymore.

My anger about him allowed me to begin to see him more objectively than I ever had before.  On a whim, I decided to Google his email address to see  if anything would come up.   Surprisingly, there was a page and a half of results on him.  He used it as a screen name for a message board for his favorite band and as a screen name for a free dating site.    I checked out his profile for the dating site and the “friends” he had.  Most of the women were somewhat similar to me, older, grounded and like they had their shit together.  However there were plenty of trashy looking girls who barely had their breasts covered or were bent over the bathroom sink reflecting in the mirror to get a shot of their ass, real classy chicks.
The site said his profile was active and he’d been on the site today.   Wow, he has been juggling three women and yet he still had time or interest to be meeting new women on a dating site?  I was completely stunned.  It added insult to injury that one of the pictures of him on his profile was one that I took of him on a romantic weekend trip we took, ironically wearing a shirt I gave him.   This was a picture that at one time was wallpaper on my desktop and made me remember good times we had.  I liked this sheepish smile and his scruffy weekend beard, but now seeing his face was almost repulsive.
I saved a screenshot of his profile and then read his posts on the band’s message board.  He posted lies about how he wanted to go to a concert but couldn’t because his brother just lost a leg in the war and was coming home to recover.  This was completely untrue because I knew that his only brother worked third shift bagging groceries.  Knowing him, he used this to get sympathy and free tickets. 
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before but I then Googled his band and found some old articles about them.  They had broken up a few years ago, but there were still some articles archived about local gigs they had done.  There was nothing on the site about him at all, the names of these people were familiar to me because he talked about them but there was nothing about him on their site at all.
I then Googled the CD that they cut, he put it on my ipod when he gave it to me as a present several years ago.  One of the songs he wrote for me was on that CD and although he wasn’t singing lead on it, it always reminded me of us falling in love, step by step.  I was shocked to read that his name wasn’t in the credits for writing it anywhere.  He wasn’t a part of this band, he didn’t write any of the songs.  One of the friends that he mentioned wrote the song.  Dammit, how stupid was I to fall for all of this? 

A few days went by, I kept my communication open with him, it was really hard to just not go completely off on him.  When he called me, I never picked up.   I'd just text him back and told him I wasn’t ready to talk but I would soon. 
My “Mystery Texter” completely ignored me.  I suppose her mission was complete by having me tell “The Third Woman” the truth and she moved on.   I hadn’t heard from “The Third Woman” at all and I hadn’t bothered her either.   I checked his profile every day on the dating site and he logged on a few times every day.
I was shocked when The Third Woman called me after a few days of silence.  I picked up her call and we probably talked about an hour.    Since we talked, some of the little things that she noticed started to bother her more and more.   One of them was how he was always texting.  At first she accepted his answer that he was texting someone in his family or friends, but now she wasn’t so sure.  

She asked if I was still talking to him and I told her that I was.   I told her about all the things I’d found out about him online and she was the most disturbed about the dating site.  She couldn’t believe that he was still active on it.  Most days, he worked from her house remotely, so as soon as she’d go to work he would log onto the site. 
I could tell she didn’t completely believe me, so as we were talking I sent her a screen shot of the page so she could see for herself.    She could open it when she got home.   She just kept crying and saying over and over how good he was to her.   We cried together and started talking a lot about all the lies he had told us both.   We had a lot in common and started laughing eventually. 

She wanted to confront him about the dating site, but we laughingly said, “Wouldn’t it be funny to create a fake profile and see if he would talk to us, just to see what he would say?  Ya, that would be funny, wouldn’t it…”

Next time... we make a plan...


The Single Mom