Friday, March 11, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (part 9): Finding out He Wasn't Really A Rockstar and A Plan...

Catching you up.... “Rockstar” stood me up on Valentine’s Day and broke my heart for what I swore was the last time.  We’d had a 5 year on and off history, broken heart (me) and lots of broken plans (him).     After Valentine’s Day he texted, emailed, called, Im’d, everything to try to convince me to give him another chance.   It was starting to get to me but I wasn’t sure yet.   After I went to a dinner out with girlfriends trying to forget about him, a Secret Texter, texted me.   She told me she was seeing him and I didn’t believe her at first.  

When I confronted him about it, he told me she was lying and that it was probably a wrong number.    The next morning, I had a text from her, "Why did you tell him, you BITCH".    This told me he was obviously lying to me.    She and I then compare similar stories of his lies, she also tells me he is seeing a third woman.  We decide to align forces against him.   He continued lying to me, sent me an emotional email promising me his love and sending me a song.  After an emotional hour or so, I got a text from the "Mystery Texter".  The bastard sent both of us the same song!   I told "The Third Woman" and she didn't completely believe me but we keep talking...

I had her attention and I told her that he had sent the same song last night to the Mystery Texter and me with emotional emails.    The tone of her voice changed and she sounded really upset.   I heard her say something to a coworker in the background like, “I’ll be right there.”     She came back on the phone and told me she had to get back to work.  Although I knew she did truly have to get to work, I wondered if she was using it a little to also remove herself from this upsetting conversation.  It truly wasn’t my concern, I told her what I needed to and it was up to her to believe it or not.
She was really gracious as she signed off and seemed genuine when she thanked me for letting her know.  I wasn’t sure whether to feel appreciated or blown off but it felt like a mixture of both. 
I texted my “Mystery Texter” to let her know I talked to “The Third Woman” and told her about him and the song and about both of us.    She and I texted back and forth about it and she told me that she has completely ignored all of his texts for more than a week and had no intentions to ever talk to him again. 
As we were ending the conversation her goodbye to me felt more final than usual, because she signed off with “good luck”.   I felt a little used, maybe she just wanted me to be the one to deliver this awful blow to this innocent girl.   I told myself I was probably overthinking this as usual and to let it go.   The bottom line was although all of this was painful, it prevented me from making a huge mistake and getting more hurt down the road.  It was up to “The Third Woman” to make decisions for herself.  I had enough to go on to close off myself to feeling anything for him anymore.

My anger about him allowed me to begin to see him more objectively than I ever had before.  On a whim, I decided to Google his email address to see  if anything would come up.   Surprisingly, there was a page and a half of results on him.  He used it as a screen name for a message board for his favorite band and as a screen name for a free dating site.    I checked out his profile for the dating site and the “friends” he had.  Most of the women were somewhat similar to me, older, grounded and like they had their shit together.  However there were plenty of trashy looking girls who barely had their breasts covered or were bent over the bathroom sink reflecting in the mirror to get a shot of their ass, real classy chicks.
The site said his profile was active and he’d been on the site today.   Wow, he has been juggling three women and yet he still had time or interest to be meeting new women on a dating site?  I was completely stunned.  It added insult to injury that one of the pictures of him on his profile was one that I took of him on a romantic weekend trip we took, ironically wearing a shirt I gave him.   This was a picture that at one time was wallpaper on my desktop and made me remember good times we had.  I liked this sheepish smile and his scruffy weekend beard, but now seeing his face was almost repulsive.
I saved a screenshot of his profile and then read his posts on the band’s message board.  He posted lies about how he wanted to go to a concert but couldn’t because his brother just lost a leg in the war and was coming home to recover.  This was completely untrue because I knew that his only brother worked third shift bagging groceries.  Knowing him, he used this to get sympathy and free tickets. 
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before but I then Googled his band and found some old articles about them.  They had broken up a few years ago, but there were still some articles archived about local gigs they had done.  There was nothing on the site about him at all, the names of these people were familiar to me because he talked about them but there was nothing about him on their site at all.
I then Googled the CD that they cut, he put it on my ipod when he gave it to me as a present several years ago.  One of the songs he wrote for me was on that CD and although he wasn’t singing lead on it, it always reminded me of us falling in love, step by step.  I was shocked to read that his name wasn’t in the credits for writing it anywhere.  He wasn’t a part of this band, he didn’t write any of the songs.  One of the friends that he mentioned wrote the song.  Dammit, how stupid was I to fall for all of this? 

A few days went by, I kept my communication open with him, it was really hard to just not go completely off on him.  When he called me, I never picked up.   I'd just text him back and told him I wasn’t ready to talk but I would soon. 
My “Mystery Texter” completely ignored me.  I suppose her mission was complete by having me tell “The Third Woman” the truth and she moved on.   I hadn’t heard from “The Third Woman” at all and I hadn’t bothered her either.   I checked his profile every day on the dating site and he logged on a few times every day.
I was shocked when The Third Woman called me after a few days of silence.  I picked up her call and we probably talked about an hour.    Since we talked, some of the little things that she noticed started to bother her more and more.   One of them was how he was always texting.  At first she accepted his answer that he was texting someone in his family or friends, but now she wasn’t so sure.  

She asked if I was still talking to him and I told her that I was.   I told her about all the things I’d found out about him online and she was the most disturbed about the dating site.  She couldn’t believe that he was still active on it.  Most days, he worked from her house remotely, so as soon as she’d go to work he would log onto the site. 
I could tell she didn’t completely believe me, so as we were talking I sent her a screen shot of the page so she could see for herself.    She could open it when she got home.   She just kept crying and saying over and over how good he was to her.   We cried together and started talking a lot about all the lies he had told us both.   We had a lot in common and started laughing eventually. 

She wanted to confront him about the dating site, but we laughingly said, “Wouldn’t it be funny to create a fake profile and see if he would talk to us, just to see what he would say?  Ya, that would be funny, wouldn’t it…”

Next time... we make a plan...


The Single Mom

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