Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Past with "Rockstar" (Part 8): Confronting "The Third Woman"

Catching you up.... “Rockstar” stood me up on Valentine’s Day and broke my heart for what I swore was the last time.  We’d had a 5 year on and off history, broken heart (me) and lots of broken plans (him).     After Valentine’s Day he texted, emailed, called, Im’d, everything to try to convince me to give him another chance.   It was starting to get to me but I wasn’t sure yet.   After I went to a dinner out with girlfriends trying to forget about him, a Secret Texter, texted me.   She told me she was seeing him and I didn’t believe her at first.  

When I confronted him about it, he told me she was lying and that it was probably a wrong number.    The next morning, I had a text from her, "Why did you tell him, you BITCH".    This told me he was obviously lying to me.    She and I then compare similar stories of his lies, she also tells me he is seeing a third woman.  We decide to align forces against him.   He continued lying to me, sent me an emotional email promising me his love and sending me a song.  After an emotional hour or so, I got a text from the "Mystery Texter".  The bastard sent both of us the same song!   It was time to tell "The Third Woman" about him and his lies and let her decide for herself.

Her words stung me and it felt like someone kicked me in my stomach, literally.  He sent the same song to both of us telling us that it reminded him of each of us whenever he heard it.   I couldn’t breathe and although I felt like crying, I was now feeling more angry than sad.  How dare he play both of us like this, maybe even a third woman.    He wasn’t that special really, I don’t know why he thought he deserved THREE women, especially when he was obviously using all of us.  The Mystery Texter sent me the number of the third girl and asked me to let her know as soon as I heard back from her.

All night long, I tossed and turned thinking of her and how this text was going to affect her.   I knew how much hearing this news hurt me, I dreaded doing this to someone else.   I couldn’t decide between being angry at him or being really hurt.  Logically, I decided that being angry was easier than feeling the gnawing pain that could easily let me spiral back into the darkness I felt after he stood me up on Valentine’s Day.     
My phone had a “Good morning , sexy” text from Rockstar which I chose to ignore.  I also ignored the next one, “Want to have some phone fun?”   What a jerk, he had no idea how pissed he was making me.
I threw my phone down and went outside for a breath of air.  We had a brutal winter and Spring was finally starting to emerge.   The sunlight now made the days feel longer, the sounds of birds singing was noticeable and spring flowers were starting to show promise of blooming.     There was so much new life surrounding me, I wasn’t going to look back for a second – moving forward was the only option now.  I finally saw him for what he was and I wasn’t going to ever be fooled again.   The warmth of the sunlight on my face and the fresh air in my lungs empowered me to feel renewal and today was the first step towards removing him from my life forever.
I made coffee, packed lunches and sent the kids off to school just like a normal morning.  However, normal mornings passed without feeling like I had a brick in my stomach.  It felt heavy in my gut from the night before knowing that I was about to deliver some really bad news.  I rationalized that I’d really want to know if it was my boyfriend, so I knew I had to.
I knew very little about her, her name was Sherry, a couple years older than me and blonde.  I took a few minutes and looked her up on Facebook to get some more details.   Her relationship status was, “In a relationship”( geez she was about to get hit over the head with a hammer…)   I’d definitely describe her as cute, seemed happy and someone I’d like to get to know.    There were a few pictures of her with friends and with her kids, but none with her and Rockstar. 
I knew she worked a retail job during the week and that she would be at work today.   The Mystery Texter heard through a friend that Rockstar was seen at a bar with this third woman and that’s when she started snooping around for more information.   She went through his phone quickly a couple of times when he was in the shower and went through his pockets to look for clues.    That's how she found out about me and now it was time to talk to this third woman.

I typed, reread, edited and retyped the short text to her about 5 times.  

The Single Mom
I’m so sorry to tell you this, we need to talk about “Rockstar” he is seeing other women behind your back.

(I paused, took a huge breath and hit send.  It was about 20 minutes until the following text arrived.)

The Third Woman
What???  I don’t understand, that’s not possible.

The Single Mom
I’m so sorry, it is you may call me if you want to talk.

The Third Woman
This has to be a mistake.  Are you sure we are talking about the same person?

The Single Mom
Yes.  I am and I was shocked when I found out too, I’m so sorry.  I just wanted you to know, so if you don’t want to know anything else, I understand.

The Third Woman
I go on break in about an hour can I call you then?

The Single Mom

Whew, ok so my obligation was done - I told her the truth. I’d just have a quick conversation and tell her what I knew so she could decide for herself what to do.   I felt better about everything and now just thought about what I’d say when she did call.    

Ironically, when my phone buzzed to let me know of a new text, I didn’t expect it to be from Rockstar.

Hi baby, you must be busy today, huh?

The Single Mom
Yes sorry, deadline today, crunched. 


Ttyl, baby. Love you. 
(What?  Did he really say, "love"?  It was so rare for him to say he loved me, it took me by surprise.  All I could say back was, "Ok".  I know it seemed inadequate and I should keep my poker face on but in this moment I couldn’t.  I was preparing what I’d say to one of his three “girlfriends” to tell her he was cheating on her.  I couldn’t muster up the mojo to play along right now.)
No sooner did I put my phone down from his text that it rang again with her call.  I inhaled deeply before I picked up.   She sounded really sweet and in shock.  I explained that although I hadn’t actively been seeing him that he had been pursuing me for the past three months, promising me the future we’d always talked about together and that he was waiting for me.  I went on to tell her about how shocked I was to hear from the “Mystery Texter” and that she’d been seeing him for several months.  I also explained that she said she was deeply in love with him until she found out about both of us.
“The Third Woman” listened and asked a lot questions but didn’t seem convinced.   She went on to tell me how much she loved him, how he was better to her than any other man in her entire life had been to her and how he was a part of her family.    The conversation we had was very painful for both of us.  For me, it was painful to hear that he was the man to her that he always promised he’d be to me.  For her it was painful because she thought he was completely dedicated to her and their relationship. 
She was trying to make every possible excuse for him and just couldn’t fully rationalize it all.   It almost became an argument and I started to give up.  I had done a good deed by telling her but the choice was ultimately up to her if she decided to believe me or him. 
I tried to graciously end the conversation quickly and under the circumstances, she was actually very polite.  
Just as we were getting ready to hang up, last night’s emotional email and talking to “Mystery Texter” popped into my head for some reason.   I said I just have a really random question for you, do you have a song together, you know like “your song”.  
She chuckled and said, “It’s funny you ask that.  We just talked about it last night.  He's so sweet.”  
I hated to rain on her little parade of lovin here, but I said… “Is it by chance, By My Side by Sade?”

“How would you know that?”

Next time:  We keep talking more and uncover more lies, but what does she do?    Does she want to be a part of a "plan"?   I know this part of the story isn't funny really, but we do get the last laugh, so keep reading...


The Single Mom


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