Friday, April 29, 2011

YOU are the Best Birthday Presents & Exciting News!

Dearest readers,

I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of my life.  Cheesy, I know but each one of you is really important to me.   Writing this blog is my passion, so whether you read it every day or every now and then it means the world to me.   I've met so many incredible people who have shared so much of themselves with me, that I cannot imagine a better gift, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Big News !!!!

I was nominated for a Bloggers Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger!!!  (YA think?? lol)   I'd appreciate your vote so much!   Thank you!!!  It would make my day even more wonderful!   What an incredible birthday present!!! 

Birthday Plans

I have a date tonight with a new guy, seems really sweet (famous last words ;).   Freakshow has been distant, so I'm giving that whole situation some breathing room.   My boys and I will celebrate with an early dinner tomorrow evening.   Tomorrow night, it's girls night with my best girlfriend we are going dancing downtown,  I'll be pulling out the red high heels, oh ya!   Next Friday is a little birthday party in my honor at the local watering hole, so the festivities go on for the next week, woo hoo! 

Thanks for letting me getting to know YOU and for sharing so much of yourselves with me as I keep looking for love.

Lots of Smooches!!!

The Single Mom

Photo by seppics

Thursday, April 28, 2011

What's Been Happening?

I wanted to give you a few updates about what's going on with your favorite crazy Single Mom. 

No-nickname Aggressive Mexican Dinner Date Man (catchy, huh?)

First, I promised to let you know what happened with the Mr. Hands from the Mexican dinner date last week.   This is honestly one of those situations that makes me pound my head against the nearest wall and seriously consider switching teams.  

Let me explain... if you read my post you know that he got a little too aggressive for me and I tried to get him to back his truck up a little.  I did this by being trying to be nice, using some humor, distracting him with shiny objects, nothing worked.

We texted and I explained that I thought he got a little carried away.  I asked him how he felt about it after having time to think it through.    Basically, he got defensive and thought I was lecturing him.  I tried to approach it gently and see his side, but he thought that I was being condescending.   I just couldn't win.  Something was just gnawing at my instinct that there was a reason why he was being so defensive, like he was trying to hide something.   

The conversation just spiraled out of control when I told him I didn't feel safe with him.  When I said this, he got mad and told me to never contact him again.  So, I chalk this up to there being something more to this but it's better to walk away from him completely.


After our "Coltrane, Candles and Cleavage" date things have been hot and cold.  It's so hard to understand men sometimes, (facepalm).   I feel like I've really gone out of my way to reach out to him while at the same time giving him lots of space.   Maybe it's me again and not being able to let him back into my heart or maybe it's just not the right fit for whatever reason.  Maybe the past is better left in the past, maybe I've learned my lesson...?   I'm not sure yet that things are over, just trying to back up, a lot.  

This is a really awkward phase for me in a relationship, I don't want to say "hey where are things", but I kinda want to know where things are.   Is it just me?   I'm not into dating multiple men, I don't want that, but I'm not going to waste time on someone who isn't going to make a move either.

The Single Mom's Dating Diary Stuff

This has been a huge month for the blog in growth, so I thank you so much for reading and telling your friends.  It truly means so much to connect with so many people, truly all over the world!    I feel like I've made so many new friends and I'm grateful for how much of yourselves you've shared with me.

If you haven't "Liked" The Single Mom's Dating Diary's Facebook page, please take just a second to do that with this link:   I'll wait.  Ok, thanks, you're back :).

Facebook is a great way to keep updated about new posts and some of the silly things I do behind the scenes.   Also, interact with me on Twitter @singlemomdate.  Twitter is the bad kids' playground, but it's soooooo much fun.   Between Facebook and Twitter, I have about 600 people I interact with on a daily basis, so please join the fun.  Sometimes I take dares or let little tidbits slip out about what's coming up, so it's a good way to know what I'm up to.

I do have a sexy photo shoot planned to give you just a little sneak peek of me.  So, I might show you a little more of me... maybe... I'm kind of a tease like that huh?

Mother's Day is coming up, and I'll be doing lots of special things on the blog.  Please nominate Single Mom's for our contest to give them a special pat on the back.   Hey, it's a great tribute to all the hardworking single moms out there, so please nominate them today! 


The Single Mom

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Looking for the Best Single Mom!!!

Win some much deserved recognition (and maybe a $25 Amazon Gift Card)  for your Mom!

Single Parenting is an extremely difficult job!  The Single Mom's Dating Diary would like to celebrate those single moms and dads who do an exceptional job juggling the demands.   It can be draining and stressful, so nominate your mom today!

Here is how the contest works:  Nominate a fabulous single mom...

1. "Like" the Facebook page for The Single Mom's Dating Diary (link is below)
2.  Click on "Discussions" (on the left side of the page), "Awesome Single Parents"  and tell why the single mom you know (or you) should be named as the best! 
3.   Vote (and have friends vote) for your mom!  (only one vote per person/day)
4.   The Best Single Mom will be named on Saturday, May 7th, 2011, both on The Facebook Page and on the blog, The Single Mom's Dating Diary.

We'll do the same thing for Father's Day, choosing the Best Single Dad.  Then both winners will compete for the $25 Amazon Gift Card! 

Enter today!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Coltrane, Candles, and Cleavage

“I had a bad day baby, I want to see you.”  His text said.     
I couldn’t see him that night because I had a meeting that ran late into the night and I had to cancel our date.   I texted him back and he was really understanding.    To finish the texting conversation, "Freakshow" said “I should never have let you go the first time.  You are such a good woman and so good to me.”
It truly made me feel happy inside, my heart leapt a little and some of the old feelings I’d buried started to stir back up to the surface again.  It was encouraging that he was turning to me when he had a bad day.   Maybe he was really listening to me about opening up to me and sharing more of himself.   We were together last summer for a few months and it just didn’t work.  We talked a couple other times and for one reason or another things didn’t fall into place.   
After not being able to see each other the night before, we set up time to see each other the next day.   I was a mixture of excited and actually a little nervous to see him.    Our texts had gone from PG-13 to R rated and I didn’t know what I wanted to happen, honestly.
I did take a lot of time getting ready for the date, heels and jeans, nice blouse.   I shaved my legs, just in case ;) and applied makeup carefully.    He texted me impatiently, “when are you coming?”   I liked knowing he was eager to see me, I really did.    
He’s been more open to me, trying to do what I’ve asked of him.   He admitted that he cares about me but doesn’t know how to show it, that the time apart has only shown him just how much he cares.  He truly made an ass of himself and was persistent trying to get me to even talk to him.  I guess all things considered, he has jumped through every hoop I’ve asked him to.   All these thoughts were processing in my head on the drive there.  Was I trying to talk myself into sleeping with him?  I wasn’t sure.  Besides, why should I have to talk myself into it, I’m single, I have feelings for him, we connect…  why did I have to sell myself on it?
He impatiently called me on the way there, “How close are you?”  I was honestly about halfway of the 15 minute drive there but told him I just left so that I could tease him a little.   I let him off the hook quickly and told him that I was almost there. 
This was only my second time going to his place, an upscale condo neighborhood filled with retirees.   I feel like I have a condo cam on me when I drive into the neighborhood and they are watching the young people in unit C like they would watch the mating habits of the wildebeests on the Discovery Channel or something.   I wanted to get there and inside as inconspicuous as possible. 
When I got there, he was holding the door open for me, excited to see me.  Since I knew he was watching me, I wanted to make a sexy entrance and work the whole sexy mojo thing.   Somehow, right after closing my car door, it triggered my alarm.   So, sneaking in quietly was now not possible. 
(Nerd alert...)
I disarmed the alarm, took a step, caught one of the heels in the seam of the driveway and I walked right out of it.  The loss of balance then made me drop my cell phone.  The back of the phone came off, the battery ejected and my sexy entrance was now like a clumsy clown act.   Real smooth, self.  Real damned smooth.
I laughed at myself and he was shaking his head and laughing at me too.    He waved me to walk faster and said “Get in here, woman.”
He looked deeply into my eyes, greeted me with a very romantic kiss and held me tightly.   His kiss was very sensual and romantic but he wasn’t all over me like a ravenous tiger on a piece of meat.    He said, “Wow you smell amazing!”  He kissed my neck  just so he could smell my vanilla skin up close.
He took me by the hand and led me to the living room, lit with candles.   He knew jazz is my favorite and he had some playing softly in the background.   We sat down on the couch, talking, snuggling and kissing.   It was romantic and sexy at the same time.  He sat down and I rested my head on his lap while he ran his fingers through my hair as we talked.
We chatted about our week, our kids and his bad day the day before.   It was great talking with him and being so comfortable together.   It felt like we were in an established relationship talking about our respective days.     We laughed, talked and kissed a lot.   
Since he is so tall, it was beginning to be uncomfortable to kiss him.   I finally stood up, took him by the hand and led him downstairs to his bedroom.   No words interrupted the silence as we stared deeply into each other’s eyes.  He held my shoulders as he drew me closer to him to kiss him.  This time the kiss was more passionate, our bodies tightly woven together.  
My arms instinctively extended as he yanked my shirt tail up over my head.  The sudden shock of a red lacy bra was obviously a welcome sight as he breathed a shallow gasp when he saw it.     I watched him kiss my bare shoulders gently as I moved my bra strap down my arm.    His kisses slowly found their way to my breast as he unhooked my bra from the back.
I pulled his shirt over his head and almost in the same movement, laid down on the bed behind me and pulled him on top of me.    Having him on top of me kissing me hard, hands on my breasts, brought back  so many memories of last summer.  Our wet, salty skin, hungry mouths on each other and passionate moments all raced back into my head within just a few seconds.   
We rekindled all that passion again and then some, plus this time he is opening up to me more.  He’s really trying and I can see that.  He fell asleep, holding me and it was comforting hearing his familiar snore again.    I closed my eyes too and enjoyed feeling his arms around me and his breath on my neck. 
After he woke up, we talked some more about us and making our relationship work.   He teased me about how impatient I am and we both laughed about it.    We talked about the next time to see each other and how we both have conflicts for the next few days.    We hugged and kissed as we said goodbye.
Although he is trying harder, something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.    Honestly, I think it’s me.     Maybe he just let too much time pass or maybe there are just too many scars, I don’t know.   All I know is that I can flip a switch to my feelings, one day they are on full force, the next off.    Fortunately, I have the luxury of time and can see what develops.    What do you think?  Do you have any advice?

The Single Mom

Next time: An update about the man from the Mexican dinner date, aka Mr. Hands 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

A Date with Mr. Hands

Hi, here is today's post about dating a man I keep meeting over and over again, "Mr. Hands".    ~Thanks!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Would the Tequila Make My Clothes Fall Off?

Are you nervous?  His text said.
Nah, not at all.  You shouldn’t be either, I’m a dork.   I replied
Oh, ya sure.   A smart, funny, blonde knockout dork, they are a dime a dozen. 
I’m hardly a knockout, don’t be nervous, sheesh. 

We’ve had fun getting to know each other over the past several days talking, texting and IM’ing.     The conversations have ranged from our kids, relationships and movies.     It seemed almost intentional that we steered clear of sex.  There were no 10 foot poles employed, sex was avoided like the proverbial plague.    It was kind of a good sign, to me anyway. 
Romance and sincerity seemed like second nature to him.  He texted me a lot, probably a lot more than I’d prefer actually.  (I know if any of my exes read this, the irony will kill them… lol)    He was funny and he seemed to get my goofy sense of humor.     His children are grown, he has a stable job, lives about 45 minutes from me,  basically seems like a good guy.   (Famous last words, did I just say this? I’m so screwed, lol.)
During this getting-to-know-you phase, I’ve been busy.   One night, I had a meeting until almost 10, didn’t take my phone and came home to 4 panic messages from him.   Between bites of a quick dinner, I attempted to console him that I left my phone on my charger at home.    Sheesh, now I know what every ex of mine has felt like, haha.
The point is that he was into me and also seemed sincere about getting to know me.  In fact some of the things he said jokingly revealed that he was potentially seeing me in his future. 
The place I’m at is ready to find someone.  I’ve seen Freakshow (an ex) a couple of times, but I’m not totally convinced of his sincerity.  I’ve told everyone involved where I am and what I’m looking for.  Full disclosure.
We chose a Mexican restaurant practically in the exact center between where we both live.  The area is somewhat of a depressed area, there are some good areas and some parts of it that you wouldn’t want to find yourself in.   Basically, there are some decent restaurants but not much else going on.   
I dressed in jeans, heels and an off the shoulder sweater.  I curled my hair and put on my makeup carefully.    I didn’t want to look like a hooker, but I wanted him to like what he saw. 
I made it to the restaurant first, was seated, texted him and waited patiently for him.    He arrived a few minutes later looking handsome.  He had on nice pants, and a long sleeved striped dress shirt.   When he hugged me, he smelled amazing and he seemed happy to meet me.
We both ordered Margaritas and they went down fast.   We had a great time talking and it was an extension of what it was like getting to know each other up until tonight.   Since I have no tolerance for alcohol, I was feeling really relaxed and having a great time talking to him.  We were laughing, talking all the way through dinner.    There was some minor flirting it was playful yet innocent. 
During dinner, he casually mentioned something about a text he sent me before he got there that I didn’t reply to.   When I picked up my phone, I noticed a new text from Freakshow asking me to come over.   Perfect.
I ignored the text and went back to our conversation.    Everything went great, when the bill arrived, I paid for myself and he didn’t object.   We collected our things and tried to think of something else to do.   My car was parked closer so I elected to drive.   He followed me to my side and put his hands all over my ass as I was unlocking the door.  It seemed pretty harmless, so I was ok with it.  He then kissed me for the first time,  a little forcefully, not necessarily a good start.
We got in the car and he kissed me again, harder this time and he let his hands roam to my breasts.    I was trying to be casual and call him out on it playfully.    We drove around the area and couldn’t really find anything else to do.  I drove to a nearby Target and parked.   We began talking and listening to the cd that was in my player and the kissing started again. 
He kissed me hard again, explored my breasts more and took one into his mouth.   It was a little brazen, considering where we were, it being a first date and I really hadn’t quite worked myself up to it yet.    I wanted to be in the moment, but he was honestly going a little fast.    My spidey sense was telling me to keep my guard up.    I again, playfully asked him to slow down a little.     He did pause for a little but then started kissing me hard again and this time started moving his hands over the front of my jeans.   (yes to my nether regions…)
I stopped him from getting carried away and drove him back to his car.    We kissed more and he tried more.      I abruptly said goodnight to him and drove home.  Halfway home, I checked my texts.   He sent me one a few minutes before and I was expecting an apology but he sent an affectionate text.   We texted more that night, I explained my perspective but he just didn’t seem to see it the same way.
I was hoping for a reasonable explanation like he just got released from prison or something to explain why he got all up in my grill like that so fast.   The reason just didn’t really come and I’m left today kinda scratching my head.
So, should I see him again?  Am I overreacting?   Will he be around long enough to get a nickname?  Stay tuned to your favorite suburban trainwreck blog. 


The Single Mom

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Come Inside My Boudoir

Hi, come into my bedroom... I'm sharing with you a little piece of my world.   Photography isn't one of my skills but I want to get better.  Until then, here is a real photo from my bedroom.  

The process of remodeling is going slowly, very slowly, sigh.  The blog business takes up most of my time, but I do love it so much.  If you look carefully, you can get a little peek of my bed in the mirror.  This is where I write most of my posts.   This is my "office" so to speak, wink wink.

I have a thing for white Christmas lights as you can see.  I put them on just about everything that doesn't move, or doesn't move fast enough.

I'm trying to get more of my own photos here to make the blog more fun for you to read.  Last week, I was fooling around with my camera and some props.  I set up a few shots using my famous red heels, red panties and red bra.  They were casually draped on my dresser on a box, no matter what I did I couldn't get it to look right.   I had to walk away from it because I was getting irritated. (Do you do this too?)

Anyway, later that evening, my teenage son and his friend stormed into my "office" because they wanted to go out.   They plopped down in my room and we had a long impromptu chat.  It wasn't until after they left that I realized that the red heels, panties and bra were there the whole time.    Ya, so much for my credibility.   FML

Thanks for coming and come back any time;)


The Single Mom

Monday, April 18, 2011

Passionate Kisses and Steamy Memories

Turn left at the first stop light, right at the corner with the 7-Eleven, are you there yet?  Yes.  Ok so let me know when you pass the big church on the right.  Ok, I just did.  Turn right into the condo development before the stop light.  Turn right at the first street and go down halfway, you’ll see my white car on the left… you do remember my white car, don’t you?  Oh, ok good. 
“I can’t wait to see you”, he said.  
“I’m looking forward to it too”, I said nervously after a long unplanned pause.
I turned into the driveway next to his white car where he was waiting for me.  I returned his smile and wave, rolled up the windows and took a huge breath.  My left foot was the first to touch the ground, stepping out of the car.  I wore my red high heels, I heard him say “wow” out loud when he saw the first one hit the pavement.
I styled my hair totally differently than I usually do, it was curled and I was dressed up to go to an art exhibit.  He said “Wow you are gorgeous!  I had forgotten how incredibly gorgeous you are.”    We hugged each other and kissed.  
The kiss was nice but I stopped it before it got out of control and he didn’t push it.   We’ve talked about boundaries and ground rules and he’s playing by mine this time.  Going to his house was one of the first changes he’s making.  We always were at mine, mostly because of convenience, because it’s close to his work, but it bothered me.   Also, our relationship was always about sex, so he’s more engaging, asking questions, he’s been trying to get to know me on a different level.
After I sent him a few well deserved abrupt emails and after I received profuse apologies, I started hearing him out.    He knew what he had done was wrong and he was making a real effort to change.   We began texting and then talking and finally today after I cancelled on him twice, I agreed to  meet him.  He was humble, apologetic and complimentary.  He said over and over what a good woman I am and how he wanted to be the man I needed him to be. 
He took me inside and showed me around his impressive condo.  Wow, it made my house look like a crackerjack box, it was obviously professionally decorated and the details were making me salivate, as that’s one of my things.  He then took me outside to the deck overlooking the small lake.  He had my favorite drink waiting for me, and he was very sweet about pulling out my chair.   It was the perfect setting for our conversation.   He asked if he could hold my hand as I began talking and I agreed.  
He looked in my eyes and seemed really sorry, time will only tell of course.   I’m different now, my life is different and what I won’t accept has changed.  I work all the time now and I don’t have time for bullshit, moreover I won’t tolerate it.    It was good having this time with Freakshow, but I’m not going to make the same mistakes again.   Honestly, he’s begged me a few times to see me, and I’ve put him off because I was working, I’m driven and I’m very selective about who gets my time. 
We continued talking and sharing our feelings.   I know I could feel close to him again if he is truly different.    The day was perfect, he was different today.    We got up from the table and I leaned against the railing to take in the beautiful day and the view of the ducks splashing around on the water.  He put his arms around me and held me as we just stood there in silence.   He moved my hair to the side, drew a line on my skin with his index finger and then kissed the imaginary line he just drew with his finger.    He knew exactly how to get to me and suddenly memories of the hot days and nights of last summer flashed into my mind. 
I tried to not act affected by his gentle kisses and nibbles on my neck but I don’t think I was pulling it off.   In fact, I KNOW I wasn’t pulling it off.   He wasn’t either, he held me tightly and I could feel his desire for me.
We look like we fit together.   He’s blonde, has blue eyes and is tall.  I’m those things, except the tall part.  I feel safe, protected and like a woman in his arms.    He’s strong, handsome and funny.   Today was a perfect day, we kissed long and passionately as I said goodbye.   It left us both wanting more and it was great being heard and in turn hearing his feelings for me.    I’m not sure if there is still a place in my heart for him and if he just maybe let too much time pass.   I don't know but only time will tell, huh?

The Single Mom

Would you like to have a little peek into my boudoir?  Tomorrow, I’ll show a little glimpse inside my den of inequity (lol).

The Single Mom Says:  It feels braggy repeating that he calls me gorgeous, so just know I'm not trying to be a snot, just telling you what he said, ok? 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Please leave a message...

Hi, no new post today, I'm hiding the body.  Please leave a message below.  Thanks!  Beeeep...

See you on Monday, have a good weekend!


The Single Mom

Friday, April 15, 2011

Wow What a Ride!!!

Whew what a week this has been!  It started off with the "Puttergate" breakup, (lol) and obviously that was really upsetting.    I debated long and hard about how to approach it from a writing standpoint.  I wanted to write very honest and I didn't want to be bitchy or throw him under a bus. 

My biggest concern besides his feelings was yours.   I didn't want to turn readers away and honestly, the most surprising thing happened, the blog had the most traffic by far on that day, almost double.  Readership has since picked up and I couldn't be more overjoyed!

Heartbreak and betrayal, unfortunately are universal.  It resonates within each of us in our core and we've all been there, sadly at some point or another.   So many of you reached out to me with your personal stories and that means so much to me.   I surely don't have all the answers, I'm just trying to figure it out as I go, one date at a time.   I'm learning more and doing better each time. 

I began this blog honestly as a reaction to the first time Putter broke my heart.   So, in a way I owe him and every other douchebag I've dated a huge debt of gratitude.   (I'm not calling him a douchebag, per se.)  But, I've always been a proponent of making a positive come from a negative situation.   I make a huge pitcher of lemonade, and just might throw a little vodka in it too.

Those who leave our lives for whatever reason, (although it doesn't feel like it at the time) do us a huge favor.   If someone doesn't want to be in our lives, they doesn't deserve a place in it either.  We are better off without them and can find a replacement for them.  That replacement doesn't necessarily have to be another person, it can be a new skill or some other pursuit. 

Once I had a breakup that hurt so badly that I took belly dancing lessons to redirect my attention.   It is such a mentally difficult dance to learn that it forced me to put my focus on it, I had to learn to control a certain set of muscles to move in a specific way.  I couldn't think about him during class and practice and at the end of the 8 weeks of classes, I learned a sexy new dance and was way over him.

Each person in our lives, for good or not is a teacher.   Some teach us while they are in our lives, others teach us when they leave.  Either way, the lesson is important to our growth. 

I've had an incredible teacher along the path of The Single Mom's Dating Diary who has become someone I consider a friend.   I've met so many friends along the way, I cannot tell you how much I look forward to "talking" with you either on Facebook, Twitter or through your comments/emails.  You all enrich my life so much, so thank you!

Happy Birthday, Susan!!
I would like to give a special Happy Birthday wishes to one of the best friends of The Single Mom's Dating Diary, and therefore mine, Susan of Newbury Park, California.   She found me somehow, on Facebook.  I don't even know how really, but she did.  She loved the blog so much that she told her friends about it on Facebook I've gotten to know some of them, too.   

She and some of her friends have picked me up on days when I almost gave up on this.  She has a big "29th" Birthday this weekend and I'm sending her my best wishes for a memorable day along with my gratitude.   She continues to inspire me and she is a beautiful woman inside and out. 

I'm so grateful that she told her friends about the blog and I'm so appreciative to all of you who have done the same, thank you so much!

As for me, this weekend, I have two dates with two different gentlemen, so I'll let you know about that next week.  I'm also finalizing the details of the Single Mom's and Single Dad's contest.  I'll be meeting over the weekend about the details.   ...just to give you enough information to get your wheels rolling, it will be a contest where someone nominates a great Single Mom or Dad by an email entry of 50 words or more.  I'll pick the best entry and the winner will both get a prize and a write up on the blog and the blog's Facebook page.   So, more details to come very soon about all the details.

Plus over the weekend, I'll be writing more of The Single Mom's Dating Diary, the novel.  I'm in production of a few products that you will love and I'm hoping the weather will cooperate enough for a bonfire and s'mores, with my sons.    I wish you a wonderful weekend and I cannot thank you enough for being a part of my happy ending!

Big Smooches,

The Single Mom

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Sorting through the Lies and Truth

Today I've honestly been a little quieter than normal thinking about the ending that Putter and I had.   We fought over text the day that I posted the final entry about him.  I made an offer to change anything that he felt didn't paint him in a positive light.  He declined and ultimately I feel like I was more than fair.  What I wrote was accurate and offering to change the post,  I think went above and beyond.

Ultimately, he felt like he didn't lie because we talked about ground rules in the beginning.  I began to want more and when that was no longer working for me I told him so.   After a few weeks,  he changed his actions to meet what I wanted.   So, this whole "we talked about it" defense that he used is a crutch.   I'd truly have a hard time believing he would in his heart of hearts stand behind that after he had a few weeks to think it through.   He's a good person at heart and I'm sure when he has time, he'll see it more objectively.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Ex Files er... or the Sex Files

This is a post answering a question from a friend on Twitter, @cheekie (Cheekie Weekie or Sweetcheeks)  I love giving people nicknames, I guess.   Anyway, she asked last night after reading yesterday’s post, “Sex, Lies and more Lies about Sex”, why exboyfriends often come back to me.  I laughed out loud when I read it, but then made me think… rubs chin…rest fist under chin…
The answer to THAT question is the same to “Why the Hell do they leave in the first place?”  The answer to both is SEX.   Lucy’s gonna ‘slpain… ok…    Without sounding like a total Molly McBraggypants, I’m really sexual.  My friends say I put off a “sex kitten vibe” or something.  I can’t explain it and I really don’t like it all the time.  
I know what you’re thinking I really do… how is that a bad thing?  Do you really expect us to feel sorry for you?  More importantly how can I get with you?  See I was right, I CAN read your thoughts.   (Scary, huh?) 
I’m gonna cook up some yummy humble pie right now and tell you that I’m not a Barbie doll, maybe more like a Troll doll (although I have better hair).    I’m not perfect by any stretch, I just have made peace with what my momma gave me, for good or not.   I’m too old to worry about bullshit, really.  You like me or you don’t like me, it’s all good.   I want you to like my writing, I want you to laugh, see inside my heart and maybe get a little hotness goin, but I am who I am.   With that being said, I’ve always had a mess of really great friends, people like me, I love to make people laugh and I’m a great friend.  So, there nanananabooboo.    Plus, I got smarts and I’m very mature.
Relationships?  I suck at them.  I don’t get them, obviously.   Lucky for you I suck at them or else there would be no Single Mom’s Dating Diary Bloggie Poo.   Hopefully, it helps you feel like you suck at life a whole lot less,  
I’m NOT a clingy girlfriend, I’m not demanding, I don’t think I don’t ask a lot, I really don’t.   I’m very independent and I have a life.    I have a good life, my kids are good, I honestly don’t understand why this is so fucking hard.   Someone please explain this to me, please.
So, to answer the question about why do they come back, I’ll give you insight from two exes.    Again, this isn’t Molly Mcbraggypants talking, this is from my exbf’s so here ya go.    So, a few weeks ago when Southerngent was being distant, I was talking to Kincaid (another ex) about it.  He asked if I’d ever um… trying to be delicate here… thinking… done a “certain thing” to him.  (catch my drift???  Wink wink)   I said “No, not yet”.   Kincaid then said, well if you would have done that, he wouldn’t be hesitating.    Translation, I have mad skilzzz. 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Sex, Lies and more Lies about Sex

What you need to know for today’s post:  1. I’m a hopeless romantic/dumbass   2.  Most exboyfriends come back to me eventually   3. I usually get my heart broken because I’m a hopeless romantic/dumbass and go back out with them
Today’s post is about two men that oddly enough keep popping in and out of my life at the same time, Putter and Freakshow.   I’m going to start with the present, get you caught up and then tie it all up, I promise.  It’s so beyond crazy how intertwined this all is.
It’s really important for me to say right here before I go on that I don’t use my blog for cryptic messages, to make someone jealous, mad or say things that I don’t air out with the people involved.  That’s not fair to you and it’s also not fair to them.  That abuses the purpose of this blog.   

So, to rewind back a couple months ago when Putter and I began talking and seeing each other again it was with a lot of caution.  The last time we broke up it was unpleasant.  We both got really upset and it became a really angry break up.  We both apologized and put that behind us.  Moving forward, I asked for only one thing, honestly.    Honesty.   When it was just about sex, we both knew it and I didn’t expect anything else.    Now it was different, he was trying harder and that’s why it’s so upsetting.
After having closure with Putter, I started moving on, talking to Southerngent, seeing him and getting close to him.  We were getting very close and then his hot and cold thing happened.  He started getting cold feet, pushing me away.   I told him and he kept doing it.  His actions and words didn’t match, I saw yellow flags and backed my truck up.    We still talk every day, but again, not much traction.
In the meantime, contact with Putter picked up.   He read my blog, knew I was getting close to falling for someone else.   He also knew that his only chance to be with me now was to step up his game, it couldn’t be about sex anymore and he knew that.   In the few weeks that preceded this moment, we flirted but when it came to a point where it could go over the line into a booty call, I pulled back.  It wasn’t what I wanted and he knew it.    We were friendly and had gotten over the past but I was moving on.
A week and a half ago, he asked me on a date, put on the full court press, lit candles, was extremely sweet.    He was different, loving, and caring.  He opened up about his daughters and showed me pictures of them.  He’d never done that before.  It was sweet, really sweet.    Everything was different, he was open, gushed about how beautiful I was and it felt like a huge turning point.  Now it only feels like manipulation.   I’ll explain more in a minute, hang on.
So, after that I was hanging back and after last week’s conversations, we let things rest for several days.   Yesterday, I started thinking of him again, sent him a few texts.   After some dead air I asked him if he would please say something, anything.   Finally after this appeal, he said that although we had the most amazing sexual connection of his life but that he couldn’t do this anymore. 
So, what exactly could he not do?  Hmmm….    Just what exactly was the “this”?   I had to think about it for a second.    Did he get his thumbs burnt in a tragic waffle iron accident or what?   Something just didn’t add up… hang on to this thought because we are coming back to it.
What I asked him next was the key to everything.    “Are you seeing someone else?”    He replied,  “Yes I am.”   As soon as I saw the words on my phone, it felt like my entire body started burning from the inside out, my skin felt hot and my eyes instantly filled with tears.   I couldn’t see the words and I didn’t want to really. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

More of "Freakshow"

When Freakshow and I started dating it was in the midst of an unbearably hot and humid Midwestern summer.   He was articulate, nice looking, had a stable job as an Accountant, was a great dad and a seemingly good person.    He checked many of the boxes on my checklist and we had a great rapport and sparks which added up to one big fat red check mark.  
As I mentioned, he has a lot of children, 5 to be exact.  So, ya last time I checked, that’s a whole mess of kids.    From his account, many women are not interested in dating him when they find out how many kids he has.  I wasn’t deterred at all.  Obviously it’s difficult to manage from a time standpoint but I do like kids.   Their ages are from early teen to late teen, so we’re not talking Pampers here, we’re talking Clearasil and Ipods.    I’m fluent in teen so I wasn’t discouraged in the least.
He was also an avid golfer.  He was a former golf pro in his younger years and it wasn’t unusual now for him to golf up to 5 nights a week, making it difficult to make plans together.
We developed a really bad habit when I was away on business, and that was that most of our communication was over text.  A three hour time difference and crazy schedules made it difficult to talk except through text.  So, when I got home, we had established this really bad habit as our primary way to stay in touch.    During this week we texted a lot and it did start crossing into sexual themes.  I was starting to get an idea that his sexual taste could be outside of my boundaries.
We went on several dates before we were intimate.  Once our conversations went into the sex, we spent most of our time texting about sex.  He was really turned on by stockings, and fascinated with threesomes.  Neither one of these two is all that unusual, however he’s practically obsessed with them and our conversations eventually always went back to these subjects.  
Our first time together was really awkward, I won’t go into gory details, but we both left feeling a little weirded out.   The next few days, the communication was sporadic and I think both of us were processing our feelings for each other and rethinking our status.
As summer went on, we continued to see each other, just less and less.  In his free time, he golfed a lot and it seemed like we only had stolen moments here and there.    Our sex life did improve immensely, however.  The downside of this was that it became the focus of our entire relationship.    

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Meet "Freakshow"

The subject line of his email was “I was so stupid.”   I thought to myself he was being way too easy on himself and should have gone a lot harder. 
The last time we talked I told him to never contact me again.
Hearing from him even in a contrite way didn’t make me any more open to want to talk to him.   The curiosity finally got to me after a few hours and I opened the email.    It was a chilly early April day (just last week) when his email came and immediately the memory of the last time we spoke flashed into my mind.
When we talked last, it was a freezing cold night in late December, just a few months ago now.   He reached out to me to wish me holiday wishes completely out of the blue.  When he contacted me, he didn’t know it at the time, but I was emotionally struggling with many things.   I didn’t initially share that I was upset and was just saying hello to catch up with him.  A few emails later he asked if I was single.  When I told him I was recently available, his tone changed quickly to want to see me again.  We began texting and talking again and he seemed genuinely interested to nurture me through this difficult time.
Our first date was a sticky, hot July night.   After exchanging a few emails, texting and talking a couple of times I agreed to meet him.   We seemed to have a lot in common and he seemed like a nice guy.   He lived in the next suburb over, seemed stable and had a lot of kids.  I love kids, so this wasn’t a negative to me, I was very ok with it.   He was tall, blonde and decent looking.
I was excited to meet him, maybe a little nervous.  We talked a relatively short length of time getting to know each other and we hadn’t really built up a lot of anticipation.   When I entered the restaurant that evening I felt casual, not expecting a lot, just wanted to keep an open mind.   My mindset was to meet someone new and just see if anything developed.
It was a relief to pick up on clues that he was attracted to me.  He was deliberate and cute about showing me he liked me.   So far so good…
We had a lot in common, seemed to both be looking for the same things and it felt like we would have a physical connection.   Talking through dinner and drinks was effortless, the drinks made us both relaxed and a little flirty.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Facebook Girl, a Big Lie and My Love Life

First, everyone is so interested in the “Facebook Girl” and what has been going on with that situation.  (See: Facebook + Dating = Awkward Situations) So, here is a quick update about that.  They are back together and he told her that he and I were never intimate.  (Big hairy lie, yikes did I say that out loud?)  I don’t know why he’d lie to her like that, but I’m not going to worry about it.   This is a situation that only is dangerous for me, so I can’t worry about it and I’m not.  I don’t understand what he would gain by lying to her, but that’s their dealio. 
I have closure with Putter, finally.   We had this back and forth thing that was just sexual and then started getting emotional.   He started tearing down his walls and then built them up again, just as quickly.  I’m not really sure why, but after a few days of not hearing from him, I built up walls of my own.   All I can think is that he saw himself feeling things for me that scared him and he pulled back.    Four texts later and he said goodbye. 
 I’m done, this isn’t baseball… for The Single Mom it’s two strikes and game over.   We tried twice to give us a go and it didn’t work out.   I’ve washed my hands of him and although I cannot begin to make sense of his hesitation, I’m completely and fully done. 
I’m sure he’s expecting me to go bat shit crazy, again.  But, I’m not.   Not this time.  I have too much going on in my life, the Chapter of Putter is finished, pen is down and page is turned.   I’m trying to make better decisions and I cannot bitch about being unhappy if I make dumbass decisions.  It’s a recent epiphany of mine, long overdue but I’m grateful for the lesson nonetheless.  
I truly believe I had to resolve all of this with Putter before I could fully give myself to Southerngent.   We’ve both been in this awkward back and forth dance of vulnerability and retreat.    I’m ready to move forward with him and I’ve told him so.    He’s everything I’ve been looking for and a real catch.  I’m struggling to try to trust him and let him in that’s my challenge.    I was honest with him about where I was, so it’s great to be on the other side of that
There is so much going on in my life, with my writing -- all the possibilities and opportunities that are coming at me are staggering.  I can’t afford to look back now for a second.   All I can do right now is to keep looking ahead and keep writing my own happy ending.    Thank you for being a BIG part of that
The Single Mom

There's someone else pulling at my heartstrings, but I don't know if I can even write about him yet.    Ouch.

Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.
~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Kissing Toads

Let’s face it, if you are actively online dating, chances are that you’ve been on your share of bad dates.   I’ve been dating for the past 6 years and have had more than my share of the bizarre and bad.  It saddens me when I put that in perspective that in the past 6 years of equal time and emotional energy, someone else on the planet attained a Master’s Degree.   Ya, that kinda makes me want to rethink this whole dating thing.   I've kissed more than my share of "Toads" and want to share what I've learned with you.
I went to a shrink after getting divorced.  Her advice to me was to go out on a lot of dates, meet men out of my "type" and just go out for the experience of it.  Looking back, I think she just told me this so that I'd keep coming back for therapy, probably true.  However, now I get to share some of this insanity with you.  It's truly incredible the things that have happened on this long quest to find love.  Many ups and downs, heartbreak, and some stories that you really won't believe.  Maybe you won't even believe that I'm still dating, but yes, oddly enough there is just enough hopeless romantic (stupidity) in me to keep looking.
As a semi-pro dater, I’ve come to categorize all "Toads" into four major categories
A.  “Mr. I don’t look like my picture” (or I’ve misrepresented my appearance in some way)
B.  “Mr. Hands” – self explanatory
C. “Mr. TMI” – Mr. TMI exceeds honesty and tells you every last detail about his life.  Details that make you want to run and fast.
D. “Mr. I’m Weird" for some reason(s) that defies logic. 

I had the privilege of writing a bad date story recently for and here is a story of an incredibly bad date.  Good times.   Get the Ben & Jerry's and read away.   Please someone send me some kitties, and save me from this dating nightmare.  Thanks.


The Single Mom