Monday, April 25, 2011

Coltrane, Candles, and Cleavage

“I had a bad day baby, I want to see you.”  His text said.     
I couldn’t see him that night because I had a meeting that ran late into the night and I had to cancel our date.   I texted him back and he was really understanding.    To finish the texting conversation, "Freakshow" said “I should never have let you go the first time.  You are such a good woman and so good to me.”
It truly made me feel happy inside, my heart leapt a little and some of the old feelings I’d buried started to stir back up to the surface again.  It was encouraging that he was turning to me when he had a bad day.   Maybe he was really listening to me about opening up to me and sharing more of himself.   We were together last summer for a few months and it just didn’t work.  We talked a couple other times and for one reason or another things didn’t fall into place.   
After not being able to see each other the night before, we set up time to see each other the next day.   I was a mixture of excited and actually a little nervous to see him.    Our texts had gone from PG-13 to R rated and I didn’t know what I wanted to happen, honestly.
I did take a lot of time getting ready for the date, heels and jeans, nice blouse.   I shaved my legs, just in case ;) and applied makeup carefully.    He texted me impatiently, “when are you coming?”   I liked knowing he was eager to see me, I really did.    
He’s been more open to me, trying to do what I’ve asked of him.   He admitted that he cares about me but doesn’t know how to show it, that the time apart has only shown him just how much he cares.  He truly made an ass of himself and was persistent trying to get me to even talk to him.  I guess all things considered, he has jumped through every hoop I’ve asked him to.   All these thoughts were processing in my head on the drive there.  Was I trying to talk myself into sleeping with him?  I wasn’t sure.  Besides, why should I have to talk myself into it, I’m single, I have feelings for him, we connect…  why did I have to sell myself on it?
He impatiently called me on the way there, “How close are you?”  I was honestly about halfway of the 15 minute drive there but told him I just left so that I could tease him a little.   I let him off the hook quickly and told him that I was almost there. 
This was only my second time going to his place, an upscale condo neighborhood filled with retirees.   I feel like I have a condo cam on me when I drive into the neighborhood and they are watching the young people in unit C like they would watch the mating habits of the wildebeests on the Discovery Channel or something.   I wanted to get there and inside as inconspicuous as possible. 
When I got there, he was holding the door open for me, excited to see me.  Since I knew he was watching me, I wanted to make a sexy entrance and work the whole sexy mojo thing.   Somehow, right after closing my car door, it triggered my alarm.   So, sneaking in quietly was now not possible. 
(Nerd alert...)
I disarmed the alarm, took a step, caught one of the heels in the seam of the driveway and I walked right out of it.  The loss of balance then made me drop my cell phone.  The back of the phone came off, the battery ejected and my sexy entrance was now like a clumsy clown act.   Real smooth, self.  Real damned smooth.
I laughed at myself and he was shaking his head and laughing at me too.    He waved me to walk faster and said “Get in here, woman.”
He looked deeply into my eyes, greeted me with a very romantic kiss and held me tightly.   His kiss was very sensual and romantic but he wasn’t all over me like a ravenous tiger on a piece of meat.    He said, “Wow you smell amazing!”  He kissed my neck  just so he could smell my vanilla skin up close.
He took me by the hand and led me to the living room, lit with candles.   He knew jazz is my favorite and he had some playing softly in the background.   We sat down on the couch, talking, snuggling and kissing.   It was romantic and sexy at the same time.  He sat down and I rested my head on his lap while he ran his fingers through my hair as we talked.
We chatted about our week, our kids and his bad day the day before.   It was great talking with him and being so comfortable together.   It felt like we were in an established relationship talking about our respective days.     We laughed, talked and kissed a lot.   
Since he is so tall, it was beginning to be uncomfortable to kiss him.   I finally stood up, took him by the hand and led him downstairs to his bedroom.   No words interrupted the silence as we stared deeply into each other’s eyes.  He held my shoulders as he drew me closer to him to kiss him.  This time the kiss was more passionate, our bodies tightly woven together.  
My arms instinctively extended as he yanked my shirt tail up over my head.  The sudden shock of a red lacy bra was obviously a welcome sight as he breathed a shallow gasp when he saw it.     I watched him kiss my bare shoulders gently as I moved my bra strap down my arm.    His kisses slowly found their way to my breast as he unhooked my bra from the back.
I pulled his shirt over his head and almost in the same movement, laid down on the bed behind me and pulled him on top of me.    Having him on top of me kissing me hard, hands on my breasts, brought back  so many memories of last summer.  Our wet, salty skin, hungry mouths on each other and passionate moments all raced back into my head within just a few seconds.   
We rekindled all that passion again and then some, plus this time he is opening up to me more.  He’s really trying and I can see that.  He fell asleep, holding me and it was comforting hearing his familiar snore again.    I closed my eyes too and enjoyed feeling his arms around me and his breath on my neck. 
After he woke up, we talked some more about us and making our relationship work.   He teased me about how impatient I am and we both laughed about it.    We talked about the next time to see each other and how we both have conflicts for the next few days.    We hugged and kissed as we said goodbye.
Although he is trying harder, something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.    Honestly, I think it’s me.     Maybe he just let too much time pass or maybe there are just too many scars, I don’t know.   All I know is that I can flip a switch to my feelings, one day they are on full force, the next off.    Fortunately, I have the luxury of time and can see what develops.    What do you think?  Do you have any advice?

The Single Mom

Next time: An update about the man from the Mexican dinner date, aka Mr. Hands 2011


Just Call Me Frank said...

we need to go take a cold shower now...


singlemom said...

So you liked... niiiice. Thank you for reading!!! Big smoooches!

AlphaMarinExtrm said...

Advice, just enjoy it and don't over think it!

singlemom said...

Thanks, AM! You are right, it's just so hard to do that when my stuff is involved... I am trying though. Thanks for the advice and for reading! Smooches!

Linda said...

My Harley Guy and I wrote in four areas: Selfishness, Dishonesty, Resentment, Fear.

We shared.

I am realizing that some of the reasons we have conflict or "don't work" at times is due to my own baggage (duh) that I bring.

If you can look at yours, and he at his...and you have that connection?

I say go for it :)

singlemom said...

Thanks, Linda. I completely agree with you and it takes a lot of objectivity to look at yourself first when evaluating relationships with others. Kudos for that.

As for me and Freakshow today... I'm in a holding pattern, not giving up on him but not willing to settle either. Thanks for reading and thank you so much for your comment! Smooches!