Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Ex Files er... or the Sex Files

This is a post answering a question from a friend on Twitter, @cheekie (Cheekie Weekie or Sweetcheeks)  I love giving people nicknames, I guess.   Anyway, she asked last night after reading yesterday’s post, “Sex, Lies and more Lies about Sex”, why exboyfriends often come back to me.  I laughed out loud when I read it, but then made me think… rubs chin…rest fist under chin…
The answer to THAT question is the same to “Why the Hell do they leave in the first place?”  The answer to both is SEX.   Lucy’s gonna ‘slpain… ok…    Without sounding like a total Molly McBraggypants, I’m really sexual.  My friends say I put off a “sex kitten vibe” or something.  I can’t explain it and I really don’t like it all the time.  
I know what you’re thinking I really do… how is that a bad thing?  Do you really expect us to feel sorry for you?  More importantly how can I get with you?  See I was right, I CAN read your thoughts.   (Scary, huh?) 
I’m gonna cook up some yummy humble pie right now and tell you that I’m not a Barbie doll, maybe more like a Troll doll (although I have better hair).    I’m not perfect by any stretch, I just have made peace with what my momma gave me, for good or not.   I’m too old to worry about bullshit, really.  You like me or you don’t like me, it’s all good.   I want you to like my writing, I want you to laugh, see inside my heart and maybe get a little hotness goin, but I am who I am.   With that being said, I’ve always had a mess of really great friends, people like me, I love to make people laugh and I’m a great friend.  So, there nanananabooboo.    Plus, I got smarts and I’m very mature.
Relationships?  I suck at them.  I don’t get them, obviously.   Lucky for you I suck at them or else there would be no Single Mom’s Dating Diary Bloggie Poo.   Hopefully, it helps you feel like you suck at life a whole lot less,  
I’m NOT a clingy girlfriend, I’m not demanding, I don’t think I don’t ask a lot, I really don’t.   I’m very independent and I have a life.    I have a good life, my kids are good, I honestly don’t understand why this is so fucking hard.   Someone please explain this to me, please.
So, to answer the question about why do they come back, I’ll give you insight from two exes.    Again, this isn’t Molly Mcbraggypants talking, this is from my exbf’s so here ya go.    So, a few weeks ago when Southerngent was being distant, I was talking to Kincaid (another ex) about it.  He asked if I’d ever um… trying to be delicate here… thinking… done a “certain thing” to him.  (catch my drift???  Wink wink)   I said “No, not yet”.   Kincaid then said, well if you would have done that, he wouldn’t be hesitating.    Translation, I have mad skilzzz. 
But this is where the rub is (get your mind out of the gutter, man… sheesh).    The sexual thing can take over a relationship and that happens to me too much. 
I talked to Freakshow (another ex) last night.    Before you hurt me, know that I wanted to get some insight about all this and hear him out.   He said that I have a tractor beam or some secret powers or something and he asked if this happens a lot.  It cracked me up, it really did.  He went on to say that although the sex was the best of his life, that he was able to see now that I was trying to show him how much I cared about him by being so sexual with him. (Duh! Palm on forehead)  Now that the anger and all the bad feelings are behind us, he was able to see how much I cared about him.    I wanted to please him, I wanted to make him happy because I CARED about him.  He finally got that after all this time.     It’s really ironic that he’s getting that exactly now, when I just went through this with Putter, but hey it’s good to hear.
As an aside, he just went on to say that he would do ANYTHING to be back with me, be the man I wanted, be there for me, he knew my birthday is coming up and he wants to do something really special for me.    (I’m not convinced, I haven’t lost my mind or anything, ok?  It’s gonna take a whole lot more than words and I told him I doubt I can feel anything for him again.)
But we talked, and that was the point, the first time around we only texted.  He calls and leaves a message in the morning to tell me that I’m beautiful or he calls when he goes out to lunch just to say hi.    I know I’m not ready and I have major doubts  that he’s the right person to trust, but it is good to finally hear his explanation and it’s helping  me understand my current situation with Putter.
So, I’ve said love is a big shit sandwich with a side dish of vomit so why do I keep looking for it so hard?  I don’t know.  I really don’t.  Do you?   
Smooches,
The Single Mom

6 comments:

cheekie said...

Interesting, and thanks for the mention momma. I too have been told that I'm a sexy little thing, never had a single complaint behind closed doors etc. Obviously not to your extent, lol. But, and I guess this is the big thing, I'm not a 'dater'. I don't date, I relationship. Serial monogamist. I've had 3 significant adult relationships. The first for 12 yrs, second for 5, this last for just over 2. Inbetween a smatter of flings. I'm a girlfriend girl. I can be needy (can't we all) I can be demanding (again, can't we all) but I'm ultimately a big time carer. I also get attached quickly and my heart's way out on my sleeve. Too much for most men I suppose. Guess if I were better in the sack they'd overlook it. Food for thought. xx

singlemom said...

Ya, I don't get it, obviously. I'm trying to figure it out as I go. I want a relationship, but I only want a good relationship. So many people married or spoken for are miserable. I do not want that at all. I guess we will figure it out together, Sweetcheeks! Smooches.

cheekie said...

Smooches....oh did I mention that my last bf cheated on me and dumped me for a woman that he's only ever had a sexual chemistry with (but they suck at real life) So ya. *burn* xxxx

singlemom said...

WHAT??? That's terrible Sweetcheeks! The deal is that sexual chemistry can't sustain a relationship, there has to be more. Sorry, boo! I love you, if that helps. :)

cheekie said...

Thanks sweetie - pretty fresh still. But I guess I'm better off in the long run. Right? And no, sexual chemistry is fantastic, but people overly romanticize that connection and build a life out of it. Or try to. Pretty much always fails. Life, stress, illness - all affect your sex life, and once that's gone, what have you got? That chemistry turns on you too. I've been there myself, and if you don't have genuine respect, caring and friendship, you can't have love. xxx

singlemom said...

I'm so sorry Sweetcheeks, I didn't know this was so fresh for you. Sex is such a tricky thing, it's necessary yet it cannot be the only component of a healthy, happy relationship. It totally sounds like you get that and I think we all get a case of the greener grass thing, and ultimately it's not. Sorry love, thank you for sharing so much of your sweet heart with me. xo SMD