Sunday, April 10, 2011

More of "Freakshow"

When Freakshow and I started dating it was in the midst of an unbearably hot and humid Midwestern summer.   He was articulate, nice looking, had a stable job as an Accountant, was a great dad and a seemingly good person.    He checked many of the boxes on my checklist and we had a great rapport and sparks which added up to one big fat red check mark.  
As I mentioned, he has a lot of children, 5 to be exact.  So, ya last time I checked, that’s a whole mess of kids.    From his account, many women are not interested in dating him when they find out how many kids he has.  I wasn’t deterred at all.  Obviously it’s difficult to manage from a time standpoint but I do like kids.   Their ages are from early teen to late teen, so we’re not talking Pampers here, we’re talking Clearasil and Ipods.    I’m fluent in teen so I wasn’t discouraged in the least.
He was also an avid golfer.  He was a former golf pro in his younger years and it wasn’t unusual now for him to golf up to 5 nights a week, making it difficult to make plans together.
We developed a really bad habit when I was away on business, and that was that most of our communication was over text.  A three hour time difference and crazy schedules made it difficult to talk except through text.  So, when I got home, we had established this really bad habit as our primary way to stay in touch.    During this week we texted a lot and it did start crossing into sexual themes.  I was starting to get an idea that his sexual taste could be outside of my boundaries.
We went on several dates before we were intimate.  Once our conversations went into the sex, we spent most of our time texting about sex.  He was really turned on by stockings, and fascinated with threesomes.  Neither one of these two is all that unusual, however he’s practically obsessed with them and our conversations eventually always went back to these subjects.  
Our first time together was really awkward, I won’t go into gory details, but we both left feeling a little weirded out.   The next few days, the communication was sporadic and I think both of us were processing our feelings for each other and rethinking our status.
As summer went on, we continued to see each other, just less and less.  In his free time, he golfed a lot and it seemed like we only had stolen moments here and there.    Our sex life did improve immensely, however.  The downside of this was that it became the focus of our entire relationship.    

After about six weeks, I invited him to come over and bring his kids on a Saturday night.  He about flipped out when I brought it up, so I backed way off of this idea.   It told me that he obviously wasn't ready to make this big of a step, so I never brought it up again.
The hot weather started to subside and cooler September days began to replace the brutal summer heat.  His time seemed to be even more rare, causing me to be frustrated and wonder if there was a future for us or not.    I was getting attached to him but still holding back some.
On one of those early September evenings, my friends and I went to a local church festival on a Saturday night to see one of our favorite bands.  The parish is huge, probably more than 2000 families registered and the festival is well attended.   This just so happened to be the parish he attended and I didn’t mention to him that I was going to be there with my friends.     
I considered there would be a possibility that he would be there, knowing that he had his children on this particular weekend, but I didn’t let it deter me from going.   As my friends and I walked around, I kept one eye out for him as I enjoyed the night out with my friends.   Out of the corner of my eye, I just so happened to catch his white blonde hair and his distinctive face in the crowd.  He did not see me and I popped behind a game booth to get a better look at him and the woman he was talking to.
Seeing him there with another woman, made my blood boil because I had just been with him the day before.  I casually walked back to join my friends and they could immediately tell that I was upset.   I texted him “Looks like you’re having fun on your date!”   I knew it seemed creepy, but I didn’t care, I was pisssed.   I wanted him to know that I could see him and I was mad.   He texted me back right away, “I’m not on a date, this is my ex.”  I considered that it could be true but it didn’t seem likely.
This situation exaggerated my already growing suspicion that he was seeing someone else.  He denied that he was on a date that night and that I was making too much of nothing.    I wanted to see him more than he could make time for.   So, the bottom line became that I wasn’t happy despite whatever his reasons were for distance.  He was unwilling to make an effort to make a real change, so I decided to move on. 
I immediately began dating again and put him in the past, with some remorse for it not working out.   Ironically he tried to reconnect with me again in November right when I began seeing Putter.  In fact, on my first date with Putter, he text bombed me during it.   When Putter went to the bathroom, I had several texts from Freakshow like “Come make love to me.” And “I miss you.”    I met Freakshow for a drink later that week, but it just seemed like more of the same from him, so I cut contact off from him.

Next time... Our reconnection at Christmas and why I told him to never contact me again...

The Single Mom


Dan.Eliot said...

Dating a dad or mum provides considerable benefits plus potential to out last other kinds of non-parent romantic relationships. Single parents are often well grounded and placed within their everyday activity. These people value human relationships outside of his or her’s day-to-day life-style because bringing up children as a single man or women can be quite distancing.

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singlemom said...

I couldn't agree with you more. I think there are many hurdles to overcome, however the benefits outweigh the sacrifices... at least in my experience. Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment. I have a tremendous respect for all single parents, so thank you for helping single dads. Smooches.