Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My Stuff... specifically hair removal of my stuff

Today, I'm gonna talk about my stuff.  One way or another, whatever I write about eventually comes back to my stuff somehow.  However today is different, I'm just gonna throw it straight down the plate and talk about my stuff.  Specifically, hair removal of said stuff.

So, here it is.  I'm just gonna lay it all out there for ya.  No I really am, hang on.  So, ya well there's something I want to say but don't really know how to bring it up.  I'm getting it, just a second.  Um, ok... well it's like this: hair removal (on our stuff specifically) is a pain in the ass.  (Or crotch, but you get where I was going with that, right)  Anyhoo, we ladies want our stuff really nice and clean for you, we really do.  I mean it.   Here's the rub, our choices aren't all that great for how to keep everything really nice and tidy.

Waxing, ya well let's just say that it HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!  Also, it means a trip to the spa, the embarassment of spreading your junk out in front of a stranger (while sober no less) and trying not to scream like a 13 year old girl when all our pubes are ripped out of your vajayjay.     Going to the OB/GYN once a year and spreading out our stuff is bad enough, but often we go to the spa and let some chick rip out our pubes for no good reason.

We do it for you though, because we want you to be happy.   We want you to be able to see where you're going, whatever reason matters to you, it matters to us too.   There's only one reason we would kneel down naked in front of a total stranger and endure such pain.  It's because we kinda like you, we really do.   I'm not suppossed to say that, kinda breaks the girl code but we do like you, ok... happy now?

So, we can shave that puppy down, which is good.  The plus side of this technique is that you can do it in the privacy of your own shower, you don't have to plan a trip to the spa, it DOESN'T HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, and you can do it whenever you need to.   24 hour non stop shopping, can't beat that now can you?

Anyone with a logical brain in their head would say:  I don't like things that HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, I don't want to go to the spa, I don't want to spread my yummies out to a total stranger and I wanna do it whenever the hell my razor and me decide we want to, dammit.    Easy peasy, lemon squeezy right?  No so fast there... champ.  Two words: Razor Bumps. 

I mean seriously... I gotta go to the pool, I don't want half of my bush hanging out of my swimsuit.  I'm doing a good deed for all of mankind when I shave my stuff.  I should be rewarded for that, but I'm not.   Life should work that way.  I do something good and I should be rewarded for it right?  Wrongo, sucka.   Your bush is cleared out, which is great.  However, in the place where the bush used to be is now irritating red bumps.  Ya, that's hot. 

Don't email me about products that help this little problem.  There is an awesome shaving lotion for just this issue, but in order to get it I have to go to a sex shop.   Ok, I just want to shave down my cha cha, not see 100 plastic dicks.  Can't I just do that? Nooooooooo

So, we can land a man on the moon, but we don't have a great solution for this little problem.  Why?  I want some answers, dammit!

Sick Stuff

Ok, so in other news... I've been a lot more quiet the past few days because I've had an awful case of spring allergies.  They have kicked my ass in a big way.  I can't sleep, basically I feel like a piece of crap.  Instead of being all whiney, I've been doing things behind the scenes.   So, just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not up to no good.  Au contraire.  I can't wait to show you some things I've been working on.

Speaking of things I'm working on... Latin Lover is supposed to come back to my home town soon.  Real soon.   So, between coughing up a lung and the red bumps in my nether regions, he's in for a real treat, huh?  Lucky guy.  Ya, must get better, have to get better...

Hope all is great in your world!


The Single Mom

Saturday, May 28, 2011

"Group Therapy"

Hi everyone!  Hope you are having a great weekend so far! 

Thank you so much for voting for The Single Mom's Dating Diary as one of the top 25 Single Parent Blogs for Circle of Moms!  I'm so humbled to have made this list of talented bloggers and I am over the moon about it!   I'd like to thank Circle of Moms for having the contest and everyone who voted.   My goal is to write the best blog I can, have the best content, inspire and make you laugh.  So, please always tell me how I'm doing or how I can improve.  My email is thesinglemomsdatingdiary@gmail.com, and I love hearing from you!

I've heard from several new single parents who've recently found me and have touched me because they've been encouraged by reading and it's helped them feel like they aren't going through this alone.   Welcome, to "Group Therapy" but we are all here fighting the fight, trying to raise the best kids, maybe find love and laugh along the way.  Thank you for being a part of my life, I'm grateful for each and every person who reads. 

Everyone's been asking about how things are going with Latin Lover... they are moving forward and we are keeping in touch every day.  I'm trying to just keep it in perspective and follow it where it goes.   Honestly, it's extremely hard but at least that's the plan.   Us being far apart does help keep things on a different pace, whew if he lived here, it would be dangerous!  :)

Hope your weekend is filled with lots of love and happiness!  If you're in the States, please say thank you to our service members who risk their lives everyday to keep us safe!   Thank you, from my heart <3! 

Here is a new post about a man from my past, check it out!


The Single Mom

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A First Date with a Dreamy Latin Lover... Breaking all the Rules (part three)

The night HEATS up!
 Our kiss was a perfect exclamation point to punctuate our conversation about living life to the fullest and taking a risk.   We were enjoying each other’s company so much and shared so much of ourselves.  
The evening took a bit of a serious turn when we talked about intentions and the distance between us.  I explained that although we did meet for this evening without a lot  of caveats that I didn’t want to be just one of his women in a handful of cities that he’d call whenever business brought him to my area.    He assured me that this wouldn’t be the case and that he didn’t plan on that being the scenario.  
He shared that he was married twice and now divorced for a year and a half from the previous woman.    The women he has dated since have pressured him too quickly to get serious and he wasn’t ready for a live in situation.   I could tell that he isn’t the kind of man who likes to be alone, but he was still licking his wounds from the past.
Somehow we segued into a conversation about his parents’ marriage.  From the way he described his dad, he sounded like a romantic lead in a romance novel.   The adoration that he gave his mom was incredible, and any woman would be envious to be on the receiving end of worship like that.     It was pretty obvious that the man sitting across from me had picked up a few charm tips of his own and probably knew how to charm the panties off of any woman.    Well not ME… I didn’t wear panties tonight, so, HA!!!  I’m one step ahead of him!
In true Single Mom fashion, my oldest son (whom has barely given me the time of day recently, by the way) thinks that this is the PERFECT moment to catch up and make a plea to go out for the evening, despite my earlier decision on this.   I ask him for an update about my youngest son as Latin Lover patiently waits.   Things are good at the homefront, so we end our conversation and I go back being the woman on a date with a sexy Latin Lover again… whew.  Ok, ok where was I?  Where did I hide my mojo… I know it’s here somewhere…feeling around... oh here it is.  Hey baby, purrrrr.
We pay our tab and decide to leave, somewhat abruptly. 
My car is the closest, we walk casually, yet quickly to it and immediately start kissing.  He is pressed up hard against me, with my back to my car.     Our kissing becomes more intense as our hands move around each other’s bodies.   He smells so manly and having his body pressed up against me so tightly is so exciting.  I can’t help but to exhale loudly with an audible “MMM” sound as his mouth is on mine and moves down to my neck kissing me gently. 
He turned his shoulder slightly to block the view to the restaurant as he touched my breast.  My eyes were closed, ignoring reality as he whispered to me, “We have an audience.”   He could have said my car was on fire and I would have cared the same.   I didn’t want to stop kissing for any reason in this moment.  
His kissing slowed down drastically as I forced myself to open my eyes and deal with reality.    The outer wall of the restaurant was a glass wall and there were several sets of eyes glued to our make out session.   It was practically irrelevant to me, a little more so to him.   Considering I live 10 minutes from the spot we are standing and I know a lot of people in the area and he lives 2 hours away, I should probably be the one feeling self-conscious.   That’s the way it should have worked, I suppose.
The idea occurs to him to run to the passenger side of my car so that we can move to another less public place.   We are both trying to be real cool about this sudden departure, like a forgotten Friday evening dental appointment or something.    As he’s hustling to open the car door, I’m trying to remember how to make words come out of my mouth again.  I wanted to tell him to wait to open the car door… so that he doesn’t engage the sensitive car alarm… too late… the handle is still in his hand as the door swings open… horn honking and lights blinking… so we pulled off the cool getaway no doubt about it.
We were both cracking up as were the people inside the restaurant.    It was just one of those embarrassing moments in life that called for laughter and the perfect metaphor to underline our conversation this evening about taking life as it comes.
Somehow, I found the ability to do the heavy mental lifting to turn off the alarm, put the key in the ignition, and move the car to a more secluded area. 
We opened the sunroof to the starry summer sky above, over our kissing we could hear the fountain just outside and the water cascading over the lake.  It was basically the epitome of romance in a suburban strip mall restaurant parking lot.  (watch out Danielle Steele, I’m gunnin for ya… ;)
Passion and desire were intensifying, our mouths finding each other, consuming each other.   I grabbed his chin and held his scruffy face to mine as I kissed him hard.  My hands ran through his sexy black hair as his ran through my long blonde hair. 
...a thousand words???
He kissed the line of my skin from where it changed from brown to white.   I returned his passion with kisses of my own.   Time passed in a blur of kissing, touching and desires fulfilled. (wink, wink, elbow, elbow)
We ended the evening, sitting outside in the grass, watching the water and with many more kisses.   We reluctantly said goodbyes and he made me promise to text him when I got home.   We’ve texted and talked since, continuing and increasing the passion we found that night.    I’m not sure if we will see each other again, but I had a great time being with him.

The Single Mom

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A First Date with a Dreamy Latin Lover... Breaking all the Rules (part two)

It was early Friday evening and I’m getting ready for my date with my out of town, sexy and funny Latin Lover date.  I exfoliated every follicle, plucked every errant hair, put on makeup carefully, and took a lot of time on my hair.  
He was visiting my city for a very important business meeting, proposing a new alliance with a local company here, so I wasn’t surprised when I got a text from him that he needed a little extra time.    I was doing some hardcore primping, had a sick child and received a last minute phone call from a friend who was my backup plan if drinks with him didn’t go well.  
Earlier in the evening, I’d made a special trip to get an Icee for my sick son.  He would be alone for a couple of hours while I was out, until my oldest got home.  My ex rarely ever has the boys, so I’m not going to go into full blown bitching here, but its relevant information.  It can make it difficult for me to have any kind of predictable social life. Grrrr...
My girlfriend wanted to bend my ear about an important situation in her life, even after I mentioned I was getting ready for a hot date.    Between that and getting my son taken care of, I was running behind myself.     I hurried her off the phone with a promise to tell her how the date went and to meet up with her later if the date was a dud.   Probably not likely, but ok…
I dressed unusually sexy for a first date.   I wore a lowcut black two layered blouse that has a layer of see through net and is borderline provocative.  It ties at the waist with a silky black ribbon.  I wore shiny open toe high heels, black pants and had my long hair straightened.   It was much more of a sexy look than I’d normally go for on a first date, but hey, I was breaking the rules.  Go big or go home, right?
Driving quickly as possible, I made it to the restaurant before he did and found a seat at the bar.   It’s a huge seafood restaurant, with several rooms and a huge rectangular bar.  I struggled to find two chairs together and sat with a view of the entrance. 
It’s probably a good time to interject that I’m not a very adventurous eater.  I prefer to eat meat that used to walk, not swim…  I’m not much of a seafood fan.  This has always made me feel a little like a schmuck, but hey there it is.   I can usually find something that I like at a seafood restaurant but I’ll take a juicy steak over anything (a Cajun filet mignon, wink wink).
There was a three piece group playing live jazz on one end of the bar over the loud roar of conversations.  It was a hopping place to be on this sunny, Friday evening. 
He walked into the bar; we recognized each other right away and had huge smiles.  He was dreamy in person and we had this incredibly sexy moment immediately.   He went to sit down next to me, my back was turned to him and he put his hand on the small of my back.   I looked over my shoulder at him and he inhaled deeply and said, “Wow you smell great. Mmm.”    
The attraction was already off the charts in the first minute and it only heated up from there.
He had a seat next to me and he seemed to visibly decompress from the stress of his meeting.   I could almost see the tension escape his face as he talked.  Just then the bartender came up to take our orders and we both ordered a chilled shot of Patrone. 
He excused himself to use the men’s room and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth as he left - as if we’d known each other a long time.   I texted my girlfriend in waiting, “OMG” and ditched my phone back in my purse, and  somehow had to put my game face back on before he came back.
He and the Patron shots arrived at the same time.    We clicked our glasses together in a toast as he asked the bartender for a recommendation for an appetizer.  He recommended the Alligator, and Latin Lover asked if that sounded ok to me.  After a quick processing, I decided that alligators walk and swim so, what the hell, right?    Going big or going home seemed to be the theme of the night, so this shouldn’t be different.
Up until this moment, we really hadn’t talked that much on the phone, or really in email for that matter.   I usually get to know someone a lot before a date, what they are looking for, who they are, etc.   For some reason, since he lives out of town and was just here for a drink, there was a different expectation somehow.
I liked his playful nature and probably the fact that I didn’t take getting to know him so seriously in advance helped us both enter this date with an open mind.   He talked about his childhood in San Francisco, described his family in detail and how his dad always taught him to enjoy life, to do things for fun and to take chances.   His description of the splendor of San Francisco made my longing to go there even more intense.   His eyes lit up as he described the refraction of the sun light over the water.    No doubt mine did also, reacting to him talking about the beautiful city he loved.
There wasn’t an awkward moment of silence to be found.  I enjoyed hearing him talk about his childhood, family and career.   Our alligator arrived during our conversation and he fed me the first bite from his fork.    My eyes didn’t leave him but I had a strong sense that people were watching us, picking up on the heat that we had together.
He was charming, sincere and although I was actively listening to him, my mind was daydreaming about his full lips on mine.    We found clever ways to weave our private jokes from our prior conversations into this conversation.   As we both smiled and found excuses to touch each other, I could almost feel eyeballs on us. 
During our conversation he hinted at wanting a good margarita at an authentic Mexican restaurant so I suggested we go get one.   We quickly paid our tab and headed to our next stop.
In the parking lot, he kissed me pressed up against his car.   His mouth met mine so fast, almost like a tiger attacks his prey.  I felt consumed, desired and kissed him back meeting his passion.  My eyes clenched tightly as his kisses trailed down my neck.  My hands on his lower back pulled him even closer as his kisses made my whole body melt.
We drove to the Mexican restaurant about 10 minutes away.  I lead as he followed.   At a stop light, I waived at him in my rearview mirror, and admired the pouty, simmering sexiness that he exudes. 

We parked and went inside the restaurant hand in hand, in the suburb that I call home.  As we walked to the bar, I made a quick scan of the people in the restaurant for any familiar faces, luckily there were none.  We sat down and he ordered margaritas and explained to the female bartender how he liked them. 
The margaritas came quickly and went down even more so.  My low tolerance for alcohol caught up with me quickly.  Our enjoyment of each other only grew as we both shared more of ourselves.  I enjoyed hearing about the romantic ways his dad used to show his love for his mom.   My Latin Lover date was definitely a romantic, loving soul who appreciates women, affection and probably sex. 
As the sunny evening’s sky turned into a dark, starry night we were lost in each other.   We shared a lot of how we aspire to live life as an adventure, for example keeping laughter and happiness around as much as possible.  I shared stories of my love for pulling off an orchestrated prank as he shared likewise.   He thoroughly enjoyed my recent birthday skinnydipping story and I know he tries to steal moments like this from life whenever possible.  We both have a lot of the same playful excitement and try to keep that as a focus of life to make it interesting.  
After I finished talking, he impulsively kissed me sensually and for a very long time considering where we were.  When he was finished kissing me, his eyes quickly darted behind my shoulder, in a brief moment of self-consciousness.  I looked over my shoulder at the group that just was seated behind me, the local Catholic High School baseball team with a few parents.   They got an eyeful no doubt.    He and I shared a giggle and child-like grins, almost blushing that we’d been caught.
Next time: the passion heats up even more on this hot midwestern evening...
The Single Mom

Monday, May 23, 2011

A First date with a Dreamy Latin Lover… Breaking All the Rules

I said recently on Twitter that I wanted a relationship somewhere between a booty call and matching sweaters.  Where I am in life now, I really want someone to share life with but maybe not necessarily be smothered by them.  I’m really busy doing a lot of different projects right now, my kids and my friends both have been angry with me lately that I work way too much.    So, although I do want someone in my life, realistically don’t have time to have a full on boyfriend.  Truth be told I probably don’t have the time to do all the hair removal alone that having a full time boyfriend would require.   
I kill my own spiders. I have a busy life and maybe have gotten used to having some space.  With that being said, if I found someone great, I’d be thrilled to spend Saturday mornings skipping through Home Depot with someone picking out light fixtures and the perfect shade of eggshell paint.
In dating, I play it safe:  I have rules, parameters and try to make good decisions.    I don’t want to make a stupid decision that will just end up breaking my heart.  Well you know what, with all these smart decisions, it hasn’t panned out for me.   It was time to take a chance and roll the dice.
It all started with a funny email from the dating site from an incredibly gorgeous man.   
This is going to be a shock to you, but my headline on the dating site is extremely sarcastic.  I know you are shocked, I know…   He emailed me and returned my sarcasm.   He was so good looking and although looks aren’t high on my list, he was smart and funny too.  His response was equally sarcastic and his profile hinted at a touch of mischievousness, ok plus he was gorgeous, did I mention that?   The downside is that he lives about 2 hours from me, and I don’t do long distance.   But what the hell, I could have some fun chit chat with this man I’d NEVER meet, right? 
That’s what I thought….
We volleyed fun and playful, yet innocent emails.    I trailed off emailing him and I was surprised to hear from him the next day asking what happened to me and then dropped a bombshell that business was going to be bringing him to my city in a couple of days.     He asked if I’d like to meet for a drink and if was free on Friday.    
Um… you mean Friday as in two days from now???  Was there time to get plastic surgery, tan, teeth whitened, new outfit, mani/pedi?     Initially , I was sceeeeered, really sceeeeered.    But then I thought, “What the hell?”  It was just a drink and if it didn’t go well we could both bow out gracefully.   I framed it to myself as meeting someone new, what was the harm in that?  Ok.... someone who just happened to be incredibly good looking, funny, smart, ya no big deal.  Nope, I couldn’t care less about meeting him.

Excerpt from tomorrow’s post:
He walked into the bar; we recognized each other right away and had huge smiles.  He was dreamy in person and we had this incredibly sexy moment immediately.   He went to sit down next to me, my back was turned to him and he put his hand on the small of my back.   I looked over my shoulder at him and he inhaled deeply and said, “Wow you smell great. Mmm.”     
The attraction was already off the charts in the first minute and it only heated up from there.
But of course, in true Single Mom fashion, a fantasy date couldn’t happen without having a sick child at home…

I can't wait to tell you the rest...

Please vote for the blog, today is the last day!!! Thank you, so much!!!


The Single Mom

Friday, May 20, 2011

Good Sex: from Filet Mignon to Meatloaf. Wait... what? Learning the Single Mom’s Sex Lingo…

A conservative and crowded office plus two silly best friends created the necessity to invent a new language to describe the night before’s sex.  
Over cube walls, we’d brag that we got some Filet Mignon the night before or commiserate over getting served up Meatloaf (with a heavy sigh).    Filet Mignon was the ultimate standard for the best sex until I dated someone with a little naughty streak who caused us to create a new superlative for great sex, Cajun Filet Mignon: a great steak, with a little bit of a spicy kick. 
The Single Mom is all about only having Filet Mignon, I’d rather starve and hold out for it than to choke down a lesser piece of meat.   I want the whole meal, the Filet Mignon, preferably Cajun, a robust red wine, a great salad, the perfect baked potato and finish with a yummy dessert.    

On the other hand, sometimes you only have time for Pot Roast, and that’s ok.  It’s Tuesday night and the kids are asleep in the next room, have your Pot Roast dinner.  There’s nothing wrong with a decent pot roast meal in between Saturday Filet Mignons.
On the bad side are the crappier cuts of meat or course or meat substitutes, blech.   Don’t even get me started on bad clams or smelly seafood, not on MY menu of course.   I’m quite sure I don't have to explain Vienna sausages either.  No thank you!    
So here is our rating system that Katie and I invented to disguise our dirty conversations in the office.

Cajun Filet Mignon – the best sex plus a little kick (or a pinch or a little slap, just sayin)!

Filet Mignon – the best sex

Pot Roast  decent sex, filling and good, nothing to write home about but still a good night

Meatloaf – everyday sex, humdrum but satisfying, nothing special, but filling

Ribs - good sex, kinda messy but really yummy and maybe a little sticky too

Sloppy Joes – bad sex, all over the place, random, forgettable

Bologna Sandwich – bad sex, cheap, quick and unfulfilling

Spam – crappy sex, cheap and regrettable

Tofu – NOT real sex ie things like phone sex, sexting, etc

In other news...
THANK YOU for reading and a huge thank you if you’ve voted for my little blog on the Circle of Mom’s top 25 single parent blogs.  As the new kid, I’m humbled to be among this incredible group of writers.   My blog is only several months old and I’m so grateful to be growing in readership and to be entertaining and touching people with my stories.  Thank you so much for reading and sharing yourselves with me! 
The voting ends very soon, so if you haven’t voted yet, please do, it’s very simple and SO appreciated.  Thank you!!!
I hope you have lots of Filet Mignon this weekend... I'm holding out for it...

Big Smooches,

The Single Mom

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Grey Skies, Grey Suits and Grey Skyscrapers... A Romantic Date Downtown

Somewhere between applying strokes of lavender eyeshadow and carefully pulling blonde strands of hair through my straightner, his text arrived.  He said, “Are you nervous?”  I replied back, “No not really, just trying to hustle.” 
After I sent it, I realized that that wasn’t true.  I WAS nervous, and it was an extremely rare feeling for me.  I don’t get nervous about much lately.   Two weeks ago, I had to do some public speaking and I was barely phased.  First dates don’t really throw me off anymore, I try to maintain very low expectations and go into a first date with an open mind.   Well an open mind and a caveat to not maul me, minor details, right?
We’ve been talking for a few weeks, the chemistry has been getting stronger in the past couple of weeks and there was something about him that pulled me in.  I wanted to meet him just to know if there was chemistry in person.     He has a lot of the traits that I’m looking for and I think he’d be a good fit in my life.
After I sent him the text, I decided to be honest with him about being nervous.  Thinking through it, I realized if he was asking this question that he was probably a little nervous too.  This wasn’t the typical coffee date that’s practically cliché of online dating.   We’ve been talking for several weeks now and we know a lot about each other.    The past week the texting has gotten more intimate and sexual.
My heart was racing and I was a little shaky.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I was.   He has a lot of the traits I’m looking for and this first date feels a little different somehow.  I can’t put my finger on it but it just does and I think we both feel it.  
I wear a cute and feminine lavender top that shows some cleavage, but not a lot.   It’s a great choice to emphasize my blue eyes, tan skin and blonde hair.   Boots and jeans are also in order for this unseasonably cold May afternoon.   I take extra care applying makeup and to make my hair look cute.   I chose minimal jewelry and start driving downtown to meet him.  His call comes as I’m driving a little too fast and trying to navigate through traffic.
I pick up his call and he’s excited  and says almost childlike, “Where are you?”   I name the exit I’ve just passed to give him a frame of reference.     We talked for a few minutes as I took the downtown exit.     As I was stopped at the traffic light, I pulled down my rearview mirror to apply my light pink lipgloss and take one more check of my makeup in the mirror.    A deep breath and a stick of gum are in order as my foot pushes the accelerator as the light changes to green.
As I’m changing lanes, bits and pieces of the lyrics of this song make their way to my consciousness.    The Script – For the First Time
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time

I park and walk to our meeting place, he recognizes me across the crosswalk of 6th street .  It’s lunchtime downtown, many professionals walking to and from lunch.     He crosses the crosswalk and suggests a few lunch places.  Unfortunately, because of traffic my commute took longer than normal and we don’t have a full hour to have lunch.   Instead we just went for a walk by the fountain and made small talk to fight the nerves. 
We sat down on a bench surrounded by people rushing from here to there.  It’s a cloudy, grey sky, the buildings are grey concrete and lots of grey power suits complete the picture.   He’s about what I expect, tall, cute and articulate.     His nerves are obvious yet endearing. 
Our time is really limited and since we are in public, it’s kind of hard to gauge how the connection is going.   The eye contact is direct and lingering.   We casually find excuses to touch each other, in a cute 6th grade way.   His casual punch to my bicep brought us both to silly laughter, long eye contact and then a somewhat awkward silence.    He gulps and exhales dramatically as he tells me that he is seeing someone but isn’t happy.   I’m not sure how to handle this revelation and I’m understandably irritated that he hasn’t found a way to tell me until now. 
I teased him about how he made a point to profess his honesty when he told me that overall he preferred brunettes to blondes, but chose to be dishonest about something so monumental.    We made awkward small talk as we avoided the difficult topic like it was the plague.  Chit chat ensued about each other’s shoes as he teased me about my height and that I wore stilettoes so that I could be a little taller for him.  Our conversation was playful and innocent, yet had some moments of flirting. 
Time was escaping quickly and I suggested that I start leaving.   We walked the couple of blocks back to the garage where my car was parked with more playful chit chat.   We stopped on the sidewalk, he asked if he could kiss me and I blankly nodded.  Our mouths met in a perfect kiss especially considering we were in the middle of a congested city block.  It was passionate and hinted at how much passion there truly is under the surface for both of us.
As I turned to walk away, he playfully smacked my ass as I headed toward my car.     I headed into the building, passed the security guard who greeted me on my way in while my mind was clearly somewhere else.  His cologne and his kiss were imprinted in my mind, yet so was the complicated situation.
It took several minutes for me to get to down to my car and back up to ground level.   As I paid the parking attendant, my text box chimed with three new texts:   “Wow, you are a beautiful lady.” “ You smell AMAZING… vanilla?”  “OMG your ass, are you kidding me?”  
I laughed when I read them but had to process everything.  I drove the long way out of downtown, recalling my daily commute 20 years ago, around the statue, passing by the skyscraper that I spent several years on floor 27, and by the little park where we often went with our lunch.   I needed time to collect my thoughts and process my feelings.
I drove the next 20 minutes alone with my thoughts wondering why it couldn’t be easier.  Wondering why when I met someone I like that it couldn’t be simple.    I texted him while sitting at the first light “Call me when your situation changes.”   He texted back immediately, “I want you and I’ll make it happen.”
I went through the mundane chores of the day, thoughts of him always there.   His face was the last thing I thought of when I closed my eyes for the evening.  I’m not going to make a bad decision.  I’ve been through too much, it’s his move to make.


The Single Mom

Monday, May 16, 2011

Ridin Solo as a Single Mom

Today’s post is going to be a little different.   I try to write mostly to entertain and to share funny pieces of my world.   Lately, I've gotten some criticism that I glamorize single parenting and I’d like to address that very briefly today.  That isn’t my intent at all, in fact single parenting has been way harder than I imagined.   I never dreamed my ex would distance himself from the boys and I didn’t anticipate many of the roadblocks life threw in my path.   My intent with this blog is to entertain, share funny dating anecdotes and to amuse readers. 
If someone asked me for advice, contemplating divorce, I’d try to talk them out of it and encourage them to only do it as a last resort.   My life is certainly NOT a constant party or string of suitors lined up out my front door.   It’s honestly extremely difficult and I’m fortunate that I’m an optimistic person or else I would have lost it a long time ago. 
On the flip side, I wouldn’t recommend staying in an unhappy marriage either.  I know many unhappily married women who stay but have affairs just so they don’t have to give up the lifestyle of two incomes.   A few friends have confided in me that they are sticking things out until the kids are grown.  Meanwhile, they post smiling beach vacation pictures on Facebook, go to their weekly trips to the spa and have a housekeeper who comes once a week.   To contrast that, I’d seriously settle for having a dishwasher right now.  
It boils down to choices and I can’t judge them for theirs any more than they can judge me for mine.  I didn’t want my boys to see a miserable marriage modeled for them, didn’t want them to think that was what they had to settle for.  That choice comes with a lot of difficult consequences and I sometimes second guess my path.  However, I know they are better adjusted and we’ve tried to make the best of it. 
This past weekend was prom and I had to try to crawl into the male brain to deliver some kind of pre prom speech.   As he was getting in his tuxedo and preparing for prom night, I tried to recall the speeches my mom delivered on occasions like this.    It was a tricky little talk, trying to get into the "other team's" head.  lol
The past few years I’ve had the lion’s share of the parenting responsibilities for my two boys, through many difficult conversations in a difficult time in a young man’s life.  I’ve been through the first heartbreak, pimples and driving lessons.   I have to attempt to teach two young men how to be men.   At times, I don't feel remotely qualified and I might as well train them how to be martians or how to rewire a house or how to split an atom.  
I thought back to the first time I gave my son the birds and the bees talk, probably 6 years ago now.  Their class was split into the boys in one class, the girls in another.  They watched "the movie" in health class.   I made sure I planned some time after school with him to answer any questions.   I encouraged him to talk freely and to ask anything he felt he didn't understand.   After a long, dramatic pause he said he did have one and I braced myself for the worst.   His question was, “I know what condoms are for and I understand all that, but what I DON"T get is that I’ve seen their packages and they are square… how does a square shaped condom fit on a penis?”  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 
Through the years, I've given the best answers that I can.  My son is a young man anyone would be proud to claim as their own.  He is driven by faith, disclipline and an incredible heart.   His mission in life is to pursue a career of honor and I know he will achieve this.  
I have another son a few years behind him and I still have my work cut out for me.   All I can hope to do is my best at parenting and to share the highs and lows with you as you try to find your way.  I hope you can laugh and cry alongside me and you share your journey too.  Thank you as always for reading.
The Single Mom

Thursday, May 12, 2011

How to NOT be a Dumb Douchebag... an Update about the New Guy

Mmm beer AKA truth serum
So here’s an update about the new guy who is evidently not going to earn a nickname.   Please bear in mind, he has a master's degree.  He has brains, it's a given...
I've received so many comments and emails about this post, that I wanted to answer them here and to also update you on what happened last night...

Don’t be online dating and have your Facebook status say "In a Relationship"
First, on the Facebook thing, yes it is him. Fosho.  It does say who he is in a relationship with and her picture is of them both together.  Sweet, huh?   His page shows when he changed his status to in a relationship and it was January, he hasn’t changed it since.    Without giving up any specific details, I’m sure it’s him, completely sure.    Believe me, I wish it wasn’t true so much.  I really do.  I honestly don’t like a lot of men off the bat like this.    However, its way better to know this now than to get involved with him and then to find out later.  Word.

Don’t drunk dial and blow your alibi
Secondly, here’s an update about what happened last night.  You aren’t going to believe the stupidity but it's true... don’t send me emails that you don’t believe he really did this.  He did.  Pinkie swears, scouts honor, cross my heart and everything.   
He cancelled a date with me for last night, citing a business dinner as the reason.   This is the same man who told me he was "mesmerized" by me and "giddy" about meeting me.  (eye roll) 
Now, what you need to know is that he works in a suburb of our city that has a huge industrial area, lots of office park clusters, many white collar professional  jobs.  On Wednesday nights this suburb hosts an outdoor after work mixer type thing with drinks and a live band, a lot of single people go and last night's weather was perfect for it.
He called me after work yesterday on his way to “dinner” complete with details about where they were going and everything.   He said he’d call after dinner was over and meet me for a drink.   I wasn’t planning to meet him anyway but he didn’t call or text.  By about ten I was PISSED and sent him a text, like you left me hanging and just basically letting him know I was irritated. 
At about midnight, my phone rang, I’m a deep sleeper, saw his name and picked up the call, very groggy.  He was obviously drunk, really drunk.  So I asked him what he did after work, setting my trap.  In his drunken state, he said... ya I went to the City Mixer and we went to this bar hangout after, caught himself after the fact and I had heard enough.   I rushed him off the phone and went back to sleep.
He was drunk and I’m sure he wouldn’t have said it if he was sober, he would have come up with a reason and smoothed it over.   I’m glad he had a few beers, aka truth serum. 
I texted him this morning telling him to delete my number.   He tried to be funny and charming.  He told me he was horny for me and then tried to convince me two texts later that he wanted more than just sex.   Sure thing, chicken wing.  I doubt he’ll stop, I’m sure I’ll hear more from him.   I’d put money on it, but I could be wrong….
Ironic thing here…. I’ve been trying to schedule a dinner to treat someone who has done a lot for me lately, I have a gift card, we planned for last weekend but had to at the last minute had to reschedule for tonight.  Irony of ironies, he mentioned on the phone that he was going to this same restaurant tonight.  So, he could be there… we shall see…
Please if you're going to be a douchebag, don't be a dumb douchebag. 
Of course stay tuned to your favorite blog…

The Single Mom

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Hot Date with the New Man and Checking him out on Facebook ...

So, I was really excited to meet a new man I met online.   I predicted that he’d soon be nickname worthy and everything.  He was someone I was attracted to right away from his picture.  I hardly ever make the first move, but in this case, I marked him as a favorite.  I didn’t go for the email, it seemed like too big of an opening move.   It took about two weeks until I got his email introduction.  It was really generic and I was excited to hear from him.   We exchanged funny emails, he was complimentary about my looks and I was back at him, it was fun and flirty.  He gave me his number and I didn’t call him.  After a few days he emailed me, saying hello.  We traded a couple more emails and we seemed to have similar senses of humor and clicked in general. 
We were emailing back and forth so much that it became cumbersome to go in and out of the site checking them that I gave him my number so we could text.  Once we started texting, it just took off from there.   We were both laughing and feeding off of each other’s humor.    He then called me just so we could hear each other ‘s voices and it was a brief but fun conversation. 
Once we hung up, I got a text from him that said “Damn your voice is sooooooo sexy.”    Our connection was incredible and it’s extremely rare for me to be this excited about meeting someone.  In fact, I wrote a blog post on Monday about how excited I was to meet him.  
Our texting conversations had me laughing until I was crying.  We have an incredible rapport and he can go toe to toe with me.  They were playful, fun and hilarious.  At one point, I told him that I was gonna lure him into my white van with the promise of free candy.     We had a fun exchange about it and it was a blast talking to him.   Something was different about him, this connection.  
I’m picky now, maybe too picky.  However, I’m not attracted to a lot of men off the bat.    Yet, there was something different about him and the way we interact.   It’s honestly been a few years since I’ve felt a connection like this so fast.   Once our conversation went into sex, it was like a fire.  We like the same things sexually and it was fun flirting with each other.    At one point, he said, “You are torturing me.”  He also said things like, “I’m giddy about meeting you” and “I’m already mesmerized by you”.  We were both feeling incredible chemistry and it was fun.
Originally, we had a date planned for tonight.   Yesterday, he unexpectedly had a work dinner that came up.  That made me think back on things, and I realized that he texts and calls me a lot during the day but not at night, then he invited me to go to lunch with him as a plan b.  Ok, all these things made my Spidey Sense alarms go off, it was code red, time to sniff this out a little. 
So, I called up my trusty friend, Facebook.    I had very little to go on.  It was a bigger challenge than usual.  I only had his first name, no email and not much else.  I live in a metropolitan area so it was going to be hard to find him.  He has a common first name but spells it in an unusual way.  So, for example if his name was “Jim” he would have spelled it “Jym”.  So I searched for him in my city, and found a “Jym” in my city who resembles him.   Luckily for me his profile isn’t locked and whoops… his status is “in a relationship”.  WTF?
Here are a couple of thoughts right here, it’s possible I have the wrong “Jym”.  That’s a possibility, of course.  I doubt it, but that is definitely a possibility, I get that.
Also, I’m not going to say that I haven’t  been in an unhappy relationship and put out feelers.  However, IF it is him, and his Facebook status is “In a relationship” and he’s actively on a dating site, then that takes a cajones or stupidity or maybe both.   When we first started talking, I asked him straight up if he was single and he told me he was.  
There’s always a catch, fine print, disclaimers.  I guess if life and dating has taught me anything, it’s to not take anything at face value.  It’s really sad that it has to be like this but I’ve dated too many hustlers to be stupid anymore
I’m looking for your advice and help here because I’m not able to be objective, obviously.  Should I stop talking to him?  Should I tell him what I know?  Help!  Thanks!
The Single Mom

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Kinky sex, what is it?

I was asked to write this guest post for another blog, http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/.  This is a fellow blogger whose focus is primarily about mental health issues and she asked me to write about kinky sex for her readers.
So, what is kinky?  It’s a good question, it really is.   Obviously, kinky means a lot of different things to different people.  To one, anything outside of missionary is kinky and to others, there is a whole range of normal.   I don’t intend to judge or sound like that at all.  I’m certainly not in a position to pass judgment basically whatever floats your boat is good, as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone (well more than they may want).    I’m just going to share with you the range of things I’ve encountered in my 6 years of being single.
I’ve seen more than I’ve wanted to, actually.   There are things I didn’t know existed and some things have surprised me.  For me, it’s gotta be another person (of the opposite sex), adult, living and no rufies.   I know, I know, I’m such a buzzkill, call me old fashioned.
From my own experience, growing up mostly in the Midwest, married relatively young, I can honestly say that I was grossly unprepared for what sex would be like as a single woman and what I’d run into.     I do have a minor in Psychology and had to study human sexuality so I have some general clinical knowledge.  However, honestly I think the world has changed a lot since my college days and things that were edgy then could be seen as somewhat passé now.   
I think there are a few really obvious things that are somewhat routine now that weren’t when I was younger.  Sex is a lot more casual in general and it is talked about so much more now.   I can’t speak for any other women, but for me Sex and the City opened a lot of doors to dialogue for women in a way they hadn't before.  Women seem a lot more empowered and I think in turn men find that sexy.  It's just my opinion, but after talking to many men, I suspect I'm right about that.
Not feelin the 2 girls and a cup thing.... just sayin
So that brings me back to my original question, what is kinky?  To me, this is a good place to insert that for me and I’m sure to the majority of people that there is kinky that’s hot and kinky that’s nasty… kinky that you just can’t wrap your brain around and don’t want to, really.    I can tell you that I was better off not knowing about two girls and a cup, to me that’s not hot in the slightest.    That being said, what I have been exposed to these past few years has broadened my horizons and I like things I didn’t know I would.
I’m sure you’re curious to know what I have run into being out there dating again.  I’ll start with the things that are on the more vanilla side of kinky.   My married friends are shocked at how popular anal is now.   Sorry, it just is, fact.   I’ve met men who were obsessed with having sex in public places.   Many men, who had a fetish about certain objects, like shoes and stockings.   Dirty talking is pretty routine, but one man liked talking about how he was going to get me pregnant during the heat of the moment.  Although, it was physically impossible, it was his thing.  There is of course the typical S&M stuff, the playful stuff that doesn’t get too out of control. 
So on the spicier side of kinky, i dated someone who was into erotic asphyxiation.  He liked being choked and his preferred pillow talk included violence, hardcore violence, ie killing.  The Single Mom couldn’t get into that… sorry.    
I know that threesomes are a very common (duh) fantasy but I have a hard time wrapping my brain around a man who would want to watch another man with his woman.   I guess this makes me a little naïve, and I’ll admit it, but that’s just not cool in my book.   I can see the woman and woman thing for a guy, but another man… I’m not so sure I understand that.
I’ve met men who were into exhibitionism and wanted their girlfriends to expose themselves to their friends.   I’ve also met men who had a fascination with bodily fluids.    Again, what is hot to one person can be repulsive to another.   My advice though would be to try to keep an open mind and have fun.

The Single Mom