So, here it is. I'm just gonna lay it all out there for ya. No I really am, hang on. So, ya well there's something I want to say but don't really know how to bring it up. I'm getting it, just a second. Um, ok... well it's like this: hair removal (on our stuff specifically) is a pain in the ass. (Or crotch, but you get where I was going with that, right) Anyhoo, we ladies want our stuff really nice and clean for you, we really do. I mean it. Here's the rub, our choices aren't all that great for how to keep everything really nice and tidy.
Waxing, ya well let's just say that it HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! Also, it means a trip to the spa, the embarassment of spreading your junk out in front of a stranger (while sober no less) and trying not to scream like a 13 year old girl when all our pubes are ripped out of your vajayjay. Going to the OB/GYN once a year and spreading out our stuff is bad enough, but often we go to the spa and let some chick rip out our pubes for no good reason.
We do it for you though, because we want you to be happy. We want you to be able to see where you're going, whatever reason matters to you, it matters to us too. There's only one reason we would kneel down naked in front of a total stranger and endure such pain. It's because we kinda like you, we really do. I'm not suppossed to say that, kinda breaks the girl code but we do like you, ok... happy now?
So, we can shave that puppy down, which is good. The plus side of this technique is that you can do it in the privacy of your own shower, you don't have to plan a trip to the spa, it DOESN'T HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, and you can do it whenever you need to. 24 hour non stop shopping, can't beat that now can you?
Anyone with a logical brain in their head would say: I don't like things that HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, I don't want to go to the spa, I don't want to spread my yummies out to a total stranger and I wanna do it whenever the hell my razor and me decide we want to, dammit. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy right? No so fast there... champ. Two words: Razor Bumps.
I mean seriously... I gotta go to the pool, I don't want half of my bush hanging out of my swimsuit. I'm doing a good deed for all of mankind when I shave my stuff. I should be rewarded for that, but I'm not. Life should work that way. I do something good and I should be rewarded for it right? Wrongo, sucka. Your bush is cleared out, which is great. However, in the place where the bush used to be is now irritating red bumps. Ya, that's hot.
Don't email me about products that help this little problem. There is an awesome shaving lotion for just this issue, but in order to get it I have to go to a sex shop. Ok, I just want to shave down my cha cha, not see 100 plastic dicks. Can't I just do that? Nooooooooo
So, we can land a man on the moon, but we don't have a great solution for this little problem. Why? I want some answers, dammit!
Ok, so in other news... I've been a lot more quiet the past few days because I've had an awful case of spring allergies. They have kicked my ass in a big way. I can't sleep, basically I feel like a piece of crap. Instead of being all whiney, I've been doing things behind the scenes. So, just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not up to no good. Au contraire. I can't wait to show you some things I've been working on.
Speaking of things I'm working on... Latin Lover is supposed to come back to my home town soon. Real soon. So, between coughing up a lung and the red bumps in my nether regions, he's in for a real treat, huh? Lucky guy. Ya, must get better, have to get better...
Hope all is great in your world!
The Single Mom