Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Hot Date with the New Man and Checking him out on Facebook ...

So, I was really excited to meet a new man I met online.   I predicted that he’d soon be nickname worthy and everything.  He was someone I was attracted to right away from his picture.  I hardly ever make the first move, but in this case, I marked him as a favorite.  I didn’t go for the email, it seemed like too big of an opening move.   It took about two weeks until I got his email introduction.  It was really generic and I was excited to hear from him.   We exchanged funny emails, he was complimentary about my looks and I was back at him, it was fun and flirty.  He gave me his number and I didn’t call him.  After a few days he emailed me, saying hello.  We traded a couple more emails and we seemed to have similar senses of humor and clicked in general. 
We were emailing back and forth so much that it became cumbersome to go in and out of the site checking them that I gave him my number so we could text.  Once we started texting, it just took off from there.   We were both laughing and feeding off of each other’s humor.    He then called me just so we could hear each other ‘s voices and it was a brief but fun conversation. 
Once we hung up, I got a text from him that said “Damn your voice is sooooooo sexy.”    Our connection was incredible and it’s extremely rare for me to be this excited about meeting someone.  In fact, I wrote a blog post on Monday about how excited I was to meet him.  
Our texting conversations had me laughing until I was crying.  We have an incredible rapport and he can go toe to toe with me.  They were playful, fun and hilarious.  At one point, I told him that I was gonna lure him into my white van with the promise of free candy.     We had a fun exchange about it and it was a blast talking to him.   Something was different about him, this connection.  
I’m picky now, maybe too picky.  However, I’m not attracted to a lot of men off the bat.    Yet, there was something different about him and the way we interact.   It’s honestly been a few years since I’ve felt a connection like this so fast.   Once our conversation went into sex, it was like a fire.  We like the same things sexually and it was fun flirting with each other.    At one point, he said, “You are torturing me.”  He also said things like, “I’m giddy about meeting you” and “I’m already mesmerized by you”.  We were both feeling incredible chemistry and it was fun.
Originally, we had a date planned for tonight.   Yesterday, he unexpectedly had a work dinner that came up.  That made me think back on things, and I realized that he texts and calls me a lot during the day but not at night, then he invited me to go to lunch with him as a plan b.  Ok, all these things made my Spidey Sense alarms go off, it was code red, time to sniff this out a little. 
So, I called up my trusty friend, Facebook.    I had very little to go on.  It was a bigger challenge than usual.  I only had his first name, no email and not much else.  I live in a metropolitan area so it was going to be hard to find him.  He has a common first name but spells it in an unusual way.  So, for example if his name was “Jim” he would have spelled it “Jym”.  So I searched for him in my city, and found a “Jym” in my city who resembles him.   Luckily for me his profile isn’t locked and whoops… his status is “in a relationship”.  WTF?
Here are a couple of thoughts right here, it’s possible I have the wrong “Jym”.  That’s a possibility, of course.  I doubt it, but that is definitely a possibility, I get that.
Also, I’m not going to say that I haven’t  been in an unhappy relationship and put out feelers.  However, IF it is him, and his Facebook status is “In a relationship” and he’s actively on a dating site, then that takes a cajones or stupidity or maybe both.   When we first started talking, I asked him straight up if he was single and he told me he was.  
There’s always a catch, fine print, disclaimers.  I guess if life and dating has taught me anything, it’s to not take anything at face value.  It’s really sad that it has to be like this but I’ve dated too many hustlers to be stupid anymore
I’m looking for your advice and help here because I’m not able to be objective, obviously.  Should I stop talking to him?  Should I tell him what I know?  Help!  Thanks!
The Single Mom


cheekie said...

Ok. You pretty much know exactly what I'm thinking on this one.

But. Just so I don't sound like the bitter, jaded, heartbroken woman that I am, here's some thoughts I've had reading this.

It's quite easy when you are in a relationship and sending out feelers (which, btw, I've never done - so guess I'm the last naive one on earth - flirt yes, feelers no) - anyway. When you've got your safety net of a relationship it's quite easy to put yourself completely out there and be funny, witty, silly, everything - because you don't have any stake in the outcome. But when you're alone, and looking, and perhaps have been for awhile - well the baggage and desperation can overwhelm.

So of course you hit it off. Not only is he flirting with you because you're wonderful and fun, but he is being exactly what you want, because his expectations of all of this is dramatically different from what yours and he's playing the role.

This is assuming it is the same gent you saw.
I would ask him again, point blank. Point effin blank. Tell him you can only meet at night. Coffee. Then ask him.

You're a smart woman. And the red flags are already there or else you wouldn't have written this post, right?

big love xxx

Rosalyn said...

I am a newbie here. As soon as I read that he only texts during the day and only can have lunch, it brought me back to a relationship I had several years ago.

Same thing. Turned out he WAS single, but engaged. Broke my heart.

Your friend Cheekie is right. Straight up. I make a schpiel when I meet someone new: You can ask me anything you want, and I'll give you a straight, honest answer. And if I think you're being out of line, I'll tell you. I'd like you to do the same. No bullshit. Agreed?

I'm no bullshit. Too old for that.

singlemom said...

Thanks Cheekie. I appreciate your thoughts, I really do. You nailed it and I think it speaks to this thing of human nature of thinking the grass is greener. It's different to be flirty and to accidently back into an attraction but it's another to completely looking for one on an online dating site.

Thanks, Cheekie! Big smooches!

singlemom said...


Thanks for your thoughts and you seem like a smart woman. You are right and I couldn't agree with you more. A few years ago I would have walked right into this trap because of this incredible connection.

You are right and it's really sad that people have to be so skeptical, but obviously there are good reasons to be. Thank you for sharing what happened to you and please come back any time.

Smooches! The Single Mom

Anonymous said...

To weigh in on the other side in terms of fairness, one statement on facebook is not enough to convict him.

It could be an old status, it could be to stop other people from trying to hit on him, it could be that he means you...

Isn't there somewhere on facebook where you can check who he says he's in a relationship with? what about just asking him to change the status?

I'mn not saying that it doesn't look dodgy, but before you brand him a bumbucket forever, if you like him, isn't it worth finding out for sure?


cheekie said...

I didn't even factor Facebook much into my thoughts. Just another puzzle piece.

The fact that you already had spidey senses tingling, and then all the pretty obvious facts that came into play before you discovered this thing on FB are what makes me think you're bang on.

Trust your gut. Chemistry means nada without honesty and loyalty. Someone with all these good qualities is out there, just make sure you aren't busy with some wanker when he comes knockin'...xxxxxxxxxxxxx