Friday, June 24, 2011

101 Dating tips from The Single Mom (Or how to NOT make an ass of yourself like I did.)


I didn’t really plan on giving out dating advice because hey, I kinda suck at relationships, in case you haven’t noticed.  However, I get a lot of emails asking for advice, so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned, most of it the hard way.    Since I get so many questions about this, I’ll write more about it regularly.   Feel free to send me your questions at thesinglemomsdatingdiary@gmail.com and I’ll answer them and keep it confidential too.
This post is about just the basics and I’ll go on from here in the future, but this is a good starting point. 

General dating advice
Make a list
Write down and prioritize the traits you seek in a potential mate.  (Do this before you are smitten with someone.)   Be honest with yourself about traits that are very important to you and those traits that would be great but they aren’t dealbreakers.   For example my list for traits I wanted in a man were: good father (if relevant), basic moral beliefs, warm, funny, social, smart.. etc.. 
It’s a good idea then when you meet someone you really like to pull out the list and compare your date to your list.  Does your date match up to most of the things on your list or just a few?  Be objective and this will help you take off the “rose colored glasses”.

Date outside your “type”
Go out with people outside of your “type”.   This was especially helpful for me because I was perpetually attracted to “bad boy” types.    Once I expanded the type of man I went out with, it opened up other possibilities and overall my relationships were much better.  It was a good decision for many reasons.   
This could mean the type of background, profession, education that they are.  Sometimes breaking out of a dating rut starts with you and the choices you make either intentionally or unintentionally.   
Here’s a caveat, if he’s a cheese in a can guy and you’re only a brie and chardonnay girl, that might be too drastic of a difference, but hopefully you get the idea.

Be honest with yourself and what you’re looking for
If you are looking for a casual dating situation and NOT a relationship, be honest with yourself and the other person.   It probably won’t work out and it could end up hurting you or someone else.   Don’t try to talk yourself into it just because you’re attracted to someone.    You are only asking for a major train wreck, save yourself the heartache.


Online Dating
Your profile is important! (duh)
(Most of this stuff seems so obvious, but you’d be surprised what I’ve seen.)
Your profile is a huge topic that I will probably cover more in the future, however for today here’s a basic summary.      To boil it down very simply, your profile should be positive and should reflect you in the best possible light.   
I've seriously seen profile pictures where the dude looked like he just murdered his entire family; the icing on the cake was that it was labeled “Christmas 2010”.   He could be the most charming, lovable man on the planet but I just couldn’t get past his picture.
Be positive and stay away from language like “no games, cheaters, liars”.   This immediately gives an impression that you are bitter.  Obviously no one is looking for a cheater or a liar, duh... Captain Obvious.
Your profile picture is the most important part, in my opinion especially if you are a woman.   From talking to men, they tell me they mostly just look at the picture, if they like it only scan the words on the profile, if that.   
I definitely recommend having a variety of pictures and looks.  Your pictures should obviously resemble you now, not 25 years ago AND not 25 pounds ago.    It’s definitely not a good surprise to be drastically different than what the person is expecting.  Even though looks aren’t everything, they can’t be dismissed altogether.  This happened to me once, I liked the person before I met him, but I felt like I couldn’t trust him after he misrepresented himself so much. 
Hope this helps and I look forward to hearing your questions.   Now go out there and go on a date, I can't be the only one getting my ass kicked! 

Smooches,
The Single Mom

There's some exciting things happening for your favorite Single Mom... look for some deets soon and thank you so much for reading!  Incredible things are happening! 

9 comments:

Jenniffer said...

lol, Yeah, I made a profile for a dating site a few weeks ago, and its... different! hahaha

Alison said...

i heart this post. There are so many things we can all learn from each other just from being "out there."

Maybe if we all pool our experiences, we'll figure it out! Or, just have a whole bunch of really funny bad date stories to laugh at. That always makes me feel better, anyway.

singlemom said...

Ok, Jenniffer... different? That scares me just a little, not gonna lie. Hope you are getting good responses, keep me posted. Smooches!! <3

singlemom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
singlemom said...

Hi, Alison. It's so good to meet you and welcome you into my dysfunctional playground. :D Thank you for the great comment! Oh, gosh could I just tell bad date stories... yes listening to my stories is like what NOT to do. Hopefully, I've learned something along the way, finally. Big smooches!!!

DavidRayDog said...

Yay incredible things ~ sounds exciting!

singlemom said...

David, yes... I'm about to POP, good news... wanna tell it - hopefully will know more soon. The first batch of test monkeys, well lets just end the thought there... But, hopefully soon will be able to share, if not hey I'll share some naughty pics, so either way, its good. ;D Tingly hugs and smooches...

bleu said...

Thanks for this post.. I just posted a profile two weeks ago. 2 dates and a lot of duds! LOL.

Jenniffer said...

hahaha, its not bad really, its just that I'm not used to dating people that I don't already know, and it seems that most the people I.. encounter.. lol, want to immediately meet on a date. And most of them have the mindset that its all about just getting laid. Which irritates the crap out of me. I'm a very protective person. I always watch my back, and I never trust anyone I don't know inside & out, so being that way, I've failed to find anyone yet that I feel comfortable enough to meet. I'm just really really picky. haha But it is funny to read some of the messages I'm sent. :p