Have you ever been in a theater watching a horror movie and one of the characters did something totally stupid and you said out loud, "Don't go back into the house, moron!" Well, as my reader, you get to yell at me and say, "Don't go back out with that loser, moron!" I hear you. No, really I do and most times I take your advice. Most times.
This blog is a lot like a reality dating show, yet it's interactive too. I take advice from you that impacts my choices and the outcome of what happens. I'm getting better, making less bad decisions and I'm seeing a lot of the mistakes I made in the past with a whole new clarity.
I picture you in front of your computer reading the most recent post either with your palm on your forehead or yelling at me, "NOOOOOO what are you doing?" I also know you cheer me on when things go well. Your emails and comments let me know you're in my corner. I so appreciate that.
As I'm sitting here at my desk looking back at the past six months and my New Year's Resoloutions (aka Dares) for 2011, so much has happened. The confetti has long been vacuumed, the decorations long since stowed away and the weather is completely opposite of what it was six months ago. The blog's growth in six months is staggering and I'm overwhelmed by the love I've received from you. What a difference six months can make, huh?
Readers of this blog are smart people. Obviously, this isn't a how to blog on brain surgery and it isn't meant to be, It's a guilty pleasure, a fun break in your day. Even if you're not a single parent or not dating, you care about what happens next. You don't want me to go back out with that douche who is only going to break my heart (see, I read your emails) Truth is, even if you aren't in my same exact shoes, you can relate about your relationships and your struggles to make good choices.
The point of today's post is a mid-year check. I blogged about my 2011 resolutions for all of you to see. Some I've nailed, others not so much. Today, I want you to pause alongside me and think about your year so far. What were you thinking about when corks were popping in January compared to now? Have you been getting closer to the person you want to be, to your dreams, are you a better version of yourself now compared to six months ago?
Writing has helped me tremendously and I can tell you the path of the blog isn't following my exact editorial plan. Here's the deal about what I'm trying to do. Sure, the outer layer is my dating train wreck. Underneath, hopefully you see the woman I am, the woman I'm trying to become and this blog has become a journey about finding myself, not finding a man. Deep stuff huh?
I planned the blog would be me being me, making an ass out of myself. I'm the one on a date with the hottest guy, walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to my sexy red high heels. Ya, that's me. You love my stories like that because they are real, but you also ask for serious advice and you want to know about my family too. So, I've written about those things also.
If you've read most of my posts, you've felt me laugh, cry, experience joy and make a few bad decisions. Guess what? Love, betrayal, disappointment and heartbreak are universal. Hopefully, that's the part that you relate to. Time after time when I pick my kicked ass up off the mat, you're rooting that I'll stay on my feet, THIS TIME.
I digress, but often these past years of dating, I've asked myself, why me? Why can't I find and keep love? When I first became single again, I imagined I'd do some dating and then find a serious relationship. I've had my share of 4 and 5 month relationships, but that's about it. I never dreamt it would have been like this.
Before you go feeling sorry for me and setting me up with your crazy uncle Larry as my last hope, I see a silver lining in all this. Being able to write about the pileup of douchebags I've left behind, I'm able to connect with you and even help you. (Yes I see the irony of this.) I'm grateful for every broken heart along the way, because each one of them brought me to this place.
Truth be told, I'm obsessed with this blog and all the different possibilities that could happen from it. I want it to be a voice for single parents and also a real dialogue about dating/relationships. Probably the ultimate irony is that there are so many things going on for me that it's making dating a challenge right now. At least in the short term, anyway.
Thank you so much for being fans of the blog, I can tell you that so many exciting things are happening, beyond my wildest dreams. All of this is because of you, each email you've sent, each comment of encouragement has helped me so much. You cannot even begin to know.
I can definitely say I'm making better decisions than I had in the past. Some of it is accountability to you and some of it is because of writing about it helps me see things I might have overlooked. Things haven't been resolved with Latin Lover and me. I'm not sure if there is a future between us, but I'm not betting the farm either. I do know that I won't be with anyone who isn't going to be good for me; that much I have done a lot better at seeing. For today, don't call your crazy uncle Larry yet...
Here's my original list of resolutions and yes/no if I've nailed them.
- only date (and sleep with) men who deserve my time Yes
- be the best version of me with or without a man Yes
- don't let a man define me Yes!
Thanks for all your support!!
The Single Mom