Thursday, August 25, 2011

A Romance with a Reader - Conflict, Tears and an Ending? (ch. 8)

None of it makes sense, what started out as a few texts somehow escalated into layers of misunderstanding.  Three nights later, and I’m in my bed at 1:30 a.m. crying so hard that I threw up.    My new love interest (“The Reader”) and I had a stupid fight over text three days ago, one that we’ve since tried to resolve unsuccessfully.   I’m finally frustrated, feeling ignored and now sick, literally.  I feel like I’ve lost him, memories of what we had rushed back to my mind…
Our “first Skype date” was in late July.   We continued to talk on Skype once or twice a week, for almost a month.  We talked in between and texted every day, almost all day long.  He sent me good morning and good night texts to start and end every day.   Texting was a daily activity, we barely went more than an hour without being in contact.    
My description of “us” was a fairy tale, he always considered my feelings and if I showed the slightest bit of being upset, he’d call me immediately to clear the air.  “Perfect” was the word I’d choose if I had to pick one to describe him.   He always put me and my needs first.  We were like best friends, lovers and every day the feelings grew stronger and we got closer.  Well, that was until a few days ago. 
Before this, we had no conflict, not even a hint of it.  Our conversations were connected and everything about us was a match.   Emotionally, sexually, in every way imaginable we were compatible.   He began talking about “our future” from the beginning without any pause. 
We talked about that future together every day, how we’d wake up next to each other what we would do during the day, and what it would be like to sleep next to each other.    He was the first one who said all these things and I started to see them, to believe them.  It took some coaxing and time, but it did happen.
I loved him and I was sure about it.  Everything he did and said convinced me more and more I could trust him with my heart, my soul with everything I had… he had my back.   If I had good news, I couldn’t wait to tell him, bad news - he was always there for comfort. 
If I knew he was doing something after work, I gave him his time to enjoy it and wasn’t demanding when he was relaxing (although I missed him terribly).  There was no drama, no conflict just a deep friendship and a deeper love, both growing and gaining depth every day.
I made him a priority in my life, if he needed me, was having a bad day or whatever, I’d always let him know I love him.  If we had a “Skype date” I’d always look my best for him, wearing something pretty, makeup and fix my hair.  I wanted him to know that he was important to me, and he always made me feel the same way. 
Other men tried to get my attention through this time, and I shut them down, I didn’t need the attention or validation.   I was truly, madly, deeply in love, for the first time in a very long time.
Ironically, right before this fight, we hit a new high, a plateau in my opinion.  Our relationship was more connected more intimate and I can’t go into too much detail because it’s very personal.   However, we were closer we seemed even more galvanized - or so I thought. 
Three days ago, I sent him a text raising a difficult issue, that he hasn’t been talking about meeting me lately.   It started to bother me and it’s been gnawing at me more every day.   I hoped we’d talk about it on our “Saturday night Skype date” but it didn’t happen.
Naturally, I’m excited to meet him and I’ve told people I’m close to.   Both my friends from “real life” and readers have been asking when we are going to meet.   Everyone is starting to really be happy for us, curious and keep tabs on us. It’s a modern day love story because we met on Twitter and essentially fell in love 140 characters at a time.  We built our friendship and then it expanded to a sweet and well, also saucy romance.  
Yet, this texting conversation went really wrong.    Something I said made him think I questioned his feelings for me and his honestly.  I really didn't mean to do that, but his avoidance of the conversation of meeting me made me feel like he was rejecting me.   It all spiraled out of control so much so that we were talking about breaking up.  
Some pieces of our recent unhappiness leaked out on Twitter and a lot of readers started asking me what was going on, showing sadness and concern.  I had this post written yesterday, didn’t publish it and now am editing it because so much has changed.   I didn’t want to publish it until I talked to him, until we understood each other.   So much of our conflict was honestly because of written words being misunderstood, I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.
Although I write this blog for you my reader,  he has to be my priority, even when I’m angry.  Maybe, especially when I’m angry.   I love him and no matter how mad I am, I need to respect him and give our situation some breathing room. 
Alone in my bed, sick, and a pathetic outbox of texts, it’s now 2:00 a.m. on a work night and he’s calling me.   This can't be good, we haven't spoken in a few days... What does he say, is he angry?   Next time, I'll tell you what happened and how things are now.
The Single Mom


Frank Subtle Ly said...

Loves and kisses to you.

Missing you.


Frank et al

Jenniffer said...

oh.. shit...
I'm sorry, can't think of anything else.. I was there in that exact situation 9 months ago.. I feel your pain single momma :( Wishing you the best of luck & love and now have twisted up insides waiting to see what happens. Omg.. I'm seriously nervous FOR you! :s

Anonymous said...

oh momma, hugs and sending warm feelings your way. you'll be ok after this, you really will.

Maybe you can't see it now, but there are always silver linings - who knows, maybe it was something that needed to be said, one way or the other.

DavidRayDog said...

Crap . . . sending both of you karma that you'll stay connected, or reconnect.

singlemom said...

Thanks all, I didn't want to say too much to spill part 2... thanks for sending the love, I think we are gonna need it... send shots too while you're at it, maybe? Big smooches!!