Thursday, November 3, 2011

Let It Burn


I found some closure recently with the help of a magic marker, a lighter and a piece of paper.     
A couple of weeks ago, it occurred to me that I was upset about the end of a relationship and that I wasn’t able to have the kind of closure I needed.   Until I could have this, I wasn’t fully able to move forward to where I needed to go and I had to find a way to do this for myself.
I couldn’t control the situation and the only way for me to make peace with it was for me to officially let it go to stop allowing it to hurt me.  Once I realized I was allowing it to continue to hurt me, I knew I had to stop it. 
I wrote his name on a piece of paper, said a few words, took a deep breath and lit the paper.   Tears fell as I watched the name of this person, who had been so important to me essentially go away before my eyes.     After the paper was completely engulfed in flames, I felt relief and it was like all the anger and sadness were lifted off of my shoulders. 
Within about a minute’s time all that remained  were ashes and some smoke.    In that moment, I promised myself I wouldn’t let him hurt me anymore and that I owed it to myself to give the effort I had been giving to feeling sadness and pain to go towards loving myself.
Here’s what happens, we love someone and give them a lot of us, which is good until it isn’t recriprocal.  We often put that person’s needs over our own and let our own needs go unmet for the sake of someone else too long.  We then come to expect this and in the process it depreciates our feelings of self -worth. 
It’s essential for us to begin to give to ourselves again for us to realize that we are worth it.   It also helps us set the standard that we shouldn’t let someone come into our lives who won’t do nice things for us, to not settle for less than what we know we deserve.    
Every day since then I’ve made an effort to do something nice for myself, even if it’s a small thing.   My budget is really tight now, so I can’t treat myself in a way like I used to be able to, but I’m still doing things that make me realize how important it is to take care of myself.   This is a lesson that is very hard for me, I take care of two boys and I often go without so that they can have what they need.   
It isn’t about the money that I need to spend to make myself happy, it can be taking a 15 minute break to go outside and get sunshine or to read something positive. 
I’m making an effort to put only positive influences in my life because I want to be able to write from a positive place.    Before I write, I light a fragrant candle in my office and play uplifting music.   The world we live in sends us so many negative messages, it’s really important for us as much as possible to control who and what we allow to infiltrate our thoughts and emotions. 
I did make an exception to buy one material thing I for myself.   I made myself a necklace that says “Love Yourself First”.  I don’t take it off and whenever I need to remind myself to keep moving forward, I touch it to remind myself to say no, or to change my thoughts, or whatever it is in that moment .  
Thank you so much for taking this journey along with me!  I thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with me.  If you have little things like this that you do to get closure or as positive reminders, I’d love to hear them!   I truly hope this series has a positive effect on your life today and into the future! 
Smooches,
The Single Mom 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wonderful article! I'm going to take your advice and "Let it Burn" tonight. I've wasted far too much time looking back, need to close that door and only look forward.

singlemom said...

Great, thank you so much for sharing! You'll be so glad you did, you deserve good things! Smooches!!

sean said...

Here is what I do:

1. Gather all pictures, letters, etc. and put in a big pile.

2. Open a beer

3. Get distracted by something on TV.

4. Come back to big pile about two hours later and think, "what is this big pile of crap? oh right..."

5. Distraction by something on internet, usually but not always porn

6. Come back to big pile about ten minutes later (Let's be honest, it won't take much longer than that) throw all that crap out.

7. Another beer, more TV