Tuesday, November 1, 2011

LoVe YoUrSelf FiRsT - 30 Day Challenge for a Better You!

LoVemBeR - 30 days of healing, self-love and moving forward
Over margaritas and chimichangas last week, my friend told me I wouldn’t see her much for the next month because she was doing a 30 Day Cleanse.  Her diet didn't allow her to eat out or drink alcohol anymore.     She explained the health benefits of eliminating certain foods and drinks from our diets and it was fascinating.  So, of course I ordered another margarita and toasted to her cleanse and wolfed down my guacamole. 
 After I got home that night, it occurred to me that maybe I needed to do some emotional housekeeping and challenged myself to share this with all of you.  Over the next 30 days I’m going to look at myself and relationships very carefully and share my process so you can do the same.
It dawned on me that there’s a similarity to removing people and situations from our lives as much as possible to make us healthier people.   Much like any diet, we can't starve ourselves, we have to instead learn to filter better.    For example: if you have to work with someone who makes you cRaZy, you just can't remove that person from your life, you have to learn how to compartamentalize them better.  
My years of dating have been much harder than I imagined.   It’s been a revolving door of hurt and disappointment.    It was obviously painful when my marriage unraveled.  We became strangers while trying to live under the same roof and parent two kids.   Looking back now, I probably should have taken time back then to do what I’m doing today.   
This whole crazy love thing hasn't worked for me and I realized I need to do some deep digging to understand why.   It finally occurred to me that I often give too much.
I’m a giver and I always want to fix everyone.  I don’t plan to completely stop because it’s part of what makes me who I am.   However, I’m going to stop and ask myself, is this person giving me the same effort  I’m giving them?  If the answer is no, I’m going to pull back.    
This idea of “Loving yourself first” is especially hard for me, I’m the kind of person who would do just about anything for someone.   Yet, I realize I often give too much and the irony of that is that it gets in the way of me being loved in return.   
Why should YOU do this?
If you are in an unhappy relationship, going through a divorce or a breakup or if you just want more happiness in your life.
Decide today that you are going to Love Yourself First!
What you need to do today to get started:
-          Clean out your emotional closet.  What’s bothering you?  Deal with any unresolvred dirty laundry that you've been putting off over the next day or two.   Write an email or a letter if you have unfinished business.  As much as possible put that relationship on hold for the next 30 days as you love up yourself.   (Example: I had a family issue that I hadn't dealt with.  I sent an email today and closed the book on it, for now anyway.

-          Promise yourself for the next 30 days to put yourself first.   This doesn’t mean to be selfish or to isolate yourself.  In fact, its almost the opposite.  If you love yourself first, you’ll have more to give and here’s the payoff, you’ll get more love if you’re in recriprocal relationships.

-          Resolve for the next 30 days that you’ll be less porous about what and who REALLY penetrates you.   It’s perfectly fine to continue to be a mother, daughter, son, friend and lover but be very careful about who you allow into your inner circle.  Envision every morning drawing two circles around yourself.  Only a very few should get to your inner circle, choose carefully. 

-          Do something nice for yourself everyday.   It can be a small thing or a big thing, a cup of coffee, using the good dishes for dinner, or lighting a candle that makes you happy.   The point is to just do one thing everyday that makes you feel good.

Meet me here on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the next steps and meet me EVERY day on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Single-Moms-Dating-Diary/138563976203412 as I share your daily inspiration for the process.   It's gonna be an awesome journey of self discovery, laughter and fun.  I look so forward to us doing this together, thanks for sharing your progress with me.

The Single Mom

1 comment:

DavidRayDog said...

All very good recommendations SM. A very courageous endeavor, even without sharing it with the world.