Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Dating Game: Bachelor #3

Was my crappy luck in the dating game over or was it about to change?   My date with Bachelor #1 was awkward, Bachelor #2 was a good date but I didn’t go home with him and as a result there wasn’t a date number 2.  So, was the third man going to be the charm? 

My first date with Bachelor #3 was a casual lunch get together that didn’t really even feel like a date.  We met on Twitter, chatted back and forth and made a last minute lunch “date”.    I’d just come from a job interview, was in a suit and was still decompressing from the pressure of being grilled.  Heck, how much more pressure should I put on myself than to have a first date right after an interview?  Sheesh that’s a big ol’ stress sandwich.  

I enjoyed our lunch conversation and it was effortless.  We instantly seemed comfortable with each other, asked “get to know you” questions peppered with a lot of random humor.   This date wasn’t long after the full court press that Bachelor #2 put on me and so having a funny conversation with a man was a welcomed surprise.   After lunch, we hugged and talked about getting together and I looked forward to that.  I had a great time, we connected and it was so low key, exactly what I needed.

As the next couple of days went by, we kept in touch but he wasn’t making typical aggresive male moves.  He casually asked me on a date for the next weekend.   We set a date for a movie and met at the theatre on Saturday night.  I was very relaxed to see him, getting ready was stress free, although I fixed my makeup and hair for a date, I didn’t think much about what to wear. 

We met up, exchanged quick hugs and bought our tickets.   We also bought the monster trough of popcorn, large enough to feed a small third world country.   Seating was limited, but we made our way inside the comfy theatre and settled in for the show.   We hadn’t broken any kind of physical date contact barriers yet and I could sense he was contemplating making the typical arm around the shoulder move or some other similar gesture.   So, we exchanged casual chit chat through the previews while I imagined he was planning a move.

It felt comfortable being with him, maybe too comfortable if that’s possible.  After the other recent dates and having to feel like I was defending myself it was nice to not have to worry.  We exchanged quiet chit chat during the previews and I playfully snuck bites of his popcorn.  

I felt relaxed and being with him was incredibly easy.   Once the movie started, I made a joke about how he could do the pretend yawn move so that he could put his arm around me.   Maybe it was me being a control freak or maybe I wanted to rescue him from wondering if was going to be ok.   He seemed happy to have the “green light” and he moved the arm rest between us so that I could snuggle closer. 

It struck me as a little odd having this intimate kind of physical contact with someone before having our first kiss, but it also felt comfortable, like slipping on a favorite sweater.   We saw an action movie and enjoyed reacting to the plot twists with each other.    My feet were tucked under me, comfortably and his arm rested casually around my waist, touching the bare skin between the waist of my jeans and my blouse.  It was a sensual feeling and certainly wasn’t out of bounds for us being on just a second date.  

Once the movie ended, we made plans to have dinner at the Irish Pub a block away, a place I’ve spent many evenings and was the setting of many fun and romantic memories for me.   He arrived first and claimed a table in the cozy library room.    We ordered dinner and drinks and immediately started talking.  For some reason, tonight’s conversation was much more serious.  
He talked about his divorce and some serious health challenges he endured.  I listened intently and shared a little about some things I’ve been through as well.   However, I wasn’t expecting the evening to have such a serious tone, unlike our first date.   I tried to inject some humor and I wasn’t sure I hit the mark of the levity I tried for because it felt like I might have offended him with my joking. 

I enjoy real conversations and I surely don’t want to participate in superficial ones, but I wasn’t prepared for tonight to be so heavy.  I wondered if he felt like he wanted to disclose these details in the name of honesty, as a confession requirement for a relationship, or if it was just something he felt like he needed to talk about.   Either way, I appreciated that he felt like he could trust me with such personal information but I wondered if he still had some healing to do from his divorce, I wasn’t sure.    It was such a serious conversation that it wasn’t conducive to my typical flirty moves and charm, so I was beginning to question if there was an attraction, it was difficult to decode.

We both had light dinners, finished the conversation on a positive note, and we decided to call it a night.  He put his arm around me as he walked me to my car in the crisp fall air.   It felt more relaxed and I was wondering if he’d kiss me as we walked along the sidewalk.   I pointed out my car and we stopped in front of it to exchange goodbyes.  He towered over me by more than a foot and our long hug soon became a longer kiss, and then several more.   We kissed long and passionately under the stars.    

His arms reached tightly around my waist as he pulled me close to him as his kisses became intense.   I felt his hands graze over my ass as he cupped me tightly against him as we kissed.    I enjoyed kissing him and I felt wanted, as my attraction for him was starting to increase.   His passion intensified as he grabbed my head while his kisses became hot like fire in my mouth.  As we kissed, his fingers moved up through my hair, grabbing the roots.  It was a sexy moment and I became aware I was making an audible moaning sound, but I wasn’t going to stop. 

A lot of thoughts were racing through my head as we kissed and it felt good to know that we had physical chemistry since I generally liked him as a person.   I was lost in the feeling of being swept away by his kisses and as we stopped, I tried to talk coherently, but it took me a few seconds to rattle myself back into the moment.

We ended the night with warm fuzzies, happy thoughts and promises to see each other again soon.  Yet, after the date, we kept in touch but my life took a swift turn down the 'ol toilet.   

My ex became a real ass to our youngest son and hasn’t participated in his life since.  It’s made me have to juggle everything and has reduced my social life down to the bare bones, sadly.    Out of fairness, I did give Bachelor #3 some basic details of the happenings of my life and I understand if he decided to let things settle for awhile.   I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see more of each other but for the short term, my main focus has to be on my son and getting him through this.   

It’s been a difficult emotional landscape for my son, affected his grades tremendously and I’m also trying to balance it with my work and my own challenges.   Honestly, it’s been a challenge to be everything, pick him up from school when he’s sick, get my work done, wearing all these hats has been a source of major stress.

I tried to make the holidays as celebratory as I could, but I could sense my son was feeling an undercurrent of rejection and pain.   Somehow, I know we will get through this and be better for it.  I know I will, I have to and I hope that this new year has lots more kisses and warm fuzzies in store for me.   I am still talking to Latin Lover, but his life is stressful at the moment too.   So, I'm trying to just keep my focus on what is important today, and that's my son.

This is a season in my life that parenting has to come first and it’s only temporary, so I’m going to pass through it and know that it’s all falling into place the way it needs to.   I’ve come so far this year and I have so many exciting things ahead, I know I’m close and I can see good things coming.   Thank you for being patient, I'd love to be able to write more but haven't had time off until this break.

I thank you so much for reading, for sending me good thoughts and I hope your holiday season is wonderful!

The Single Mom


Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Dating Game... 3 New Eligible Bachelors...

For those of you who email/tweet/Facebook me with advice about my dating life, I hear one criticism frequently – that I need to stop dating ex’s and date NEW men.  I appreciate any feedback and in this case I completely agree and I have been trying to do that… well except for the recent date with “Latin Lover”.   That date was somewhat one of curioisity and well not gonna sugarcoat it, down and dirty Miss naughty pants stuff. 

Yet, I know that I need to open up (carefully) to new men and have been taking baby steps doing that.  I just haven’t been able to catch you up until now on how that’s been going and what new ways I’ve gotten my ass kicked by it.   Yay, go me!  Meh.  

There have been some fun dates, first kisses, good guys, attraction and mixed signals, maybe even from me.   Admittedly, I’m not great at navigating through these murky waters of dating and it has probably made all this more complicated because I’m trying to resolve the feelings that have come to the surface after seeing Latin Lover again.

I’m trying to keep a frame of mind about Latin Lover that I’m just going to let whatever is going to happen to be and not get too excited about it.   Usually this delusion lasts about 3 seconds and in my mind the next moment we are running across a field of daisies, toward each other, arms outstretched (which other than not knowing where a field of daisies is, it  could totally happen).   

However, I recently went on a dating spree.  All these dates happened within the same week, which was probably not a good idea in and of itself.   There were some good moments, nice first kisses and well of course awkward moments too…

Bachelor #1

I started talking to a few men on Twitter, which has been such a bad decision in the past.  It isn’t Twitter, it is that my “persona” on Twitter is maybe a little bit of a fantasy.  That isn’t to sound like I think too much of myself, but 90% of my tweets are from naughty, shiny side of me.    I think the expectation is that I always cook in my heels and talk dirty 24/7 (almost true, but not exactly, lol).

I did meet a man on Twitter though who was really sincere, a writer himself and broken.   We started sending messages back and forth and my role early seemed to be consoling him.  The first time we talked on the phone we totally hit it off and talked for 4 hours into the wee hours of the morning.   It was a powerful, connected conversation.  It did go near “Dirtytown” and unfortunately I think that’s where this train wrecked and burned, burning alive all the passengers inside. (not to be too dramatic, or anything)

I also made a “Rookie Mistake” which I shouldn’t have.  I know better.    I was a dumbass and met him at his place.   Fortunately, he wasn’t one of “those guys” but I know he wanted that to happen and he became awkward and uncomfortable.  Maybe it was just normal nerves but unfortunately it triggered a horrible flashback in my past.   We went on with the date, went to cute little spot near his apartment and went through the motions.   Unfortunately, there was just no way for me to pull myself out of this emotional funk.  We ended the night with good intentions to see each other and a good night kiss, but I just wanted to hibernate.   As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed, pulled the covers over my head and cried thinking of my past hurts and that feeling lingered for a couple of days.

It wasn’t his fault at all, it was probably more mine.  However, I don’t really think the timing was good for him and I have to chalk it up to a learning experience.

Bachelor #2

He saw me on a dating site and emailed the hell outta me.   I didn’t have a membership so I could only send him one email, which I did after about 5 from him, giving him my personal email address.   He seemed a little like a pompous jerk and although I couldn’t even read everything he sent me, it seemed to be driving him bat shit crazy that I wasn’t emailing him.    Once the email correspondence started, he revealed a side of him that was sweet, vulnerable and overall not-assholeish.  

We texted and clicked.  Clearly, he was really falling for my goofiness and dorkiness -- it’s my tractor beam that sucks them in every time.  Pity, really.   Just kiddin, but I was starting to let my guard down with him and share more about myself.  We had some favorite songs in common and it opened the door for some inside jokes and cute flirting.   We were careful not be too flirty and it seemed like our first date was going to be one for the books.   Before we even went out, he was setting up our second date and dropped hints of taking me along to Chicago for a business trip with him the following week.   I have to admit, it didn’t suck.

For our first date, he planned an innocent date that would have been “Leave it to Beaver” approved --  indoor mini golf near my house.  When he got there he made sure to be obvious by texting me to look out for his BMW in the parking lot, which this was one of several overt references he made to his financial success.   *Gag*    

Anyhoo, the date was fun.  He seemed nervous to meet me and in an attempt to impress me tried to show off his mini golf swag.   Whenever he could, he stood near me and I could tell he was attracted to me, which was nice to know early.   He was dark and handsome, but not as confident as I would have liked. However, I was beginning to like him in person.

After golfing, we headed outside on the cold night and had our first kiss.   He was a little nervous, grabbed my head and kissed me hard.  The kiss led to several more and they were passionate.   After a few minute kissing sesh, he leaned up against his BMW to lay the ol’ sales pitch on me for me to come to his house to continue the evening.  It was about as subtle as the moment on “The Bachelor” when there is an envelope inviting the other to the fantasy suite for the evening and both people know what’s about to go down.

I couldn’t be out late because it was a work/school night for one.  Second, I was not about to go to his house on a first date.  He insisted that he wasn’t going to push intimacy and that nothing would happen that wasn’t a good idea.   I didn’t want the date to end, so I offered that instead we have a drink at a nearby pub and continue the night.    He wouldn’t have it and tried his best to persuade me.   Neither one of us budged so we parted for the night with a lot of kisses and date number two planned for the next night.  

The next day just so happened to be election day and not a good financial day for Bachelor #2, as he is a Financial Planner.   He texted me to cancel the date and was a total a-hole about how he lost a lot of money in the market that day and lashed out at me.   I was done.  

He didn’t try to apologize or even backpedal.  I think his ego was so bruised from me “rejecting” his offer to come to his place that he just couldn’t get over it, I’m not sure.  However, I was sure that he wasn’t the one for me.

Next time:  Bachelor #3… two dates, attraction but maybe some mixed messages… 

Thanks for reading!


The Single Mom


Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Long Awaited Reunion with "Latin Lover"

Thanks for your kind words and patience during my silence.  It feels great to be missed.   Suffice it to say that I’m struggling to take care of everything, the boys, working on short term projects, looking for long term work and trying to juggle the parenting demands.   However, I have been on several dates over the past month, and this is one of them, about 2 weeks ago.  This date is my reunion with “Latin Lover”, the man I was smitten with last summer…

It didn’t seem real, even as I looked at his text saying “I can’t wait to see you tonight”, I could see more reasons that something would happen to cancel tonight’s date than I could see it really happening.  Or, I could see it happen but me embarrassing myself, like trying to make a sexy entrance and falling -- creating a Chevy Chase entrance instead, like I have done before, seriously.

You have to first understand that men like “Latin Lover” don’t happen to women like me.  He’s incredibly good looking, charming and sexy.   I’m confident about myself, but there is still a huge part of me who is the awkward girl in middle school who relied on her sense of humor to make friends and to eventually catch the eye of Jr. High boys.

As a little girl, my mom read The Ugly Duckling over and over to me.  Looking back now, I wonder if she hoped someday beauty would find me and I’d have a triumphant ending like the duckling.   I’m in my forties now and I feel confident and sexy but I know my limitations and I see my flaws (like all of us). Yet I’m at an age where I don’t give a rat’s rear what other people think about me, good or bad.   Over the past year, I’ve worked hard to lose weight and have even started running again.  My confidence has started to swell but unfortunately my “assets” have been shrinking.

If anything, now the timing was fantastic for a reunion with Latin Lover, I feel great and I’m in a good place emotionally.   When the chance came to go to his city for a meeting, my hand was the first one in the air.  I gladly volunteered to drive the almost 2 hours to “Latinloverland” and attend a meeting for our team.   I took a huge breath, typed a text to him asking him if he was free Thursday night that I’d be in town and hit “send”. 

 I didn’t really expect an answer from him right away, since I had to cancel plans with him just a few months ago, twice.    I was physically sick from the disappointment of not getting to see him, but there were things going on in my boys’ life that I had to deal with.

 I put the phone down, and didn’t look at it for about a half an hour to get some things done and was prepared for whatever answer came… or didn’t come.   My message light was blinking red and I held my breath as I opened his text.  I had to read it twice to make sure it was true and let out a happy squeal when he said he’d love to see me.

The next couple of days I had daydreams about seeing him again, wondering what it would be like and trying to not be nervous, trying is about all I could shoot for.    It had been a year and a few months since we’d seen each other.   When we met our connection was instant and I’ve never felt anything even close to it.   I was instantly attracted to him, genuinely liked him and we were very physical for a first date.   I NEVER let my guard down like that and probably made a bit of an ass of myself telling him so. 

We saw each other a few times last summer and each time was perfect, from start to finish. Unfortunately, this incredible attraction wasn’t enough to compete with both of our busy parenting schedules, work schedules and trying to squeeze moments of life in the remaining cracks.    I didn’t take it well and said some cranky things to him when we said goodbye.  Eventually, we started texting again and I was thrilled just to be able to have any contact with him.

We kept in touch, barely and it was fun reminiscing about our past sexy moments, easily the sexiest moments of my life.    Fantasies of him were never far from my mind and I could remember just about every detail of our time together, what he wore, what I wore, everything. 

I was feeling stressed, could think of 10 things I needed to check off my “to do” list more than extend this day and see him, but I told myself that if he could still see me that I deserved this time, these few hours with him.   I resolved to be in a great mood and make sure to make sure I was great company for him. 

I dressed for the meeting but also did pre-date preparations and even enjoyed the extra “beauty chores”.  I enjoyed shaving my legs envisioning him touching them, and I took extra care moisturizing every inch of my skin.  I wore a suit but added some feminine details and even wore thigh highs and a lacy garter belt as a surprise.

Today as I began the drive to see him, I felt giddy when I saw the sign showing the distance to his city.  I was excited to finally be heading to see him and yet it almost still didn’t seem real.   As I drove to see him, I grew more excited as the numbers marking the miles counted down and yet the cynical voice in my head kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to have to cancel.    

I found my way to my meeting place at the busy shopping center, ironically the same one that he and I met at last summer.  I had to force myself to stop letting my fantasies carry me totally away from the humdrum meeting.   Unfortunately, it was boring and it made the time drag even longer.  After it was over I still had an hour to kill and dashed into a couple of stores to try to pass this time, but I couldn’t shake the nervous anticipation.

I jumped when my text chime went off.  My pulse began to race as I took a deep breath and read his words.   He asked me where I was and I was so relieved to know he wasn’t cancelling tonight.     He told me to go the French restaurant and he’d be there in a few.   I texted back oui oui and circled around happily wasting time looking for it. 

I found a place to park took a few more moments to primp and made my way to the restaurant.    I ran into the restaurant to adjust my thigh highs trying to feel normal wearing them, but really felt dorky.   He texted me to please order his drink, and I was happy to sit and order, claiming the last two chairs at the crowded bar. 

It was relaxing to have a change of scenery to be away from my hometown and to see completely unfamiliar faces, it almost felt like being on vacation.   I tried to convince myself that tonight was really happening but it still seemed so hard to believe.   Latin Lover and our nights together have become a recurring fantasy reel in my mind and I wondered if time exaggerated our connection if maybe the chemistry was just a summer fling.  

My mind slipped back to our first date and what I thought about as I waited for him.  I wasn’t nervous that first night, not completely knowing what to expect and yet tonight I was more nervous because I DID know what to expect.  He is gorgeous, charming and someone who I felt instantly comfortable being around, yet he’s so good looking that he can rattle even me.   I remembered the moment he walked in on our first date, greeted me so warmly with a quick kiss on the mouth.   I was smitten with him from that first second and something about him wouldn’t let me go, even after all this time.

My mind also raced to our kissing sessions and how the passion carried us away.   The bartender interrupted my impure memories and I know I had a dirty smirk on my face as I tried to order the cocktails.  Our drinks quickly came and I drank mine in an attempt to calm my nerves. 

A few minutes later, he came in like a fireball and hugged me, tightly.   I enjoyed his embrace, closed my eyes and breathed his cologne in deeply, which made the memories of him appear even more vivid in my mind.  I tightened my arms around him as he planted kisses on my neck.  

It finally was real to me, HE was really here, now in the chair next to me and we were both grinning from ear to ear, the joy on our faces had to be obvious to anyone.  I tried to hide the fact that my hands were shaking, but I’m not sure I completely pulled it off.  We instantly started catching up and didn’t stop, having so much to tell each other and we covered just about everything from the daily grind, our kids and even sex.  

He asked me a lot about my writing and was disappointed to hear that I was having to backburner it to deal with the demands of life.   He encouraged me to continue doing it and to keep pursuing that dream.  It meant so much to hear him say this but I explained that it’s just not possible right now, sadly.

As we were talking, the eye contact was intense and we were constantly touching.   There were a few times that he just paused and said “I can’t believe you’re really here, I just can’t believe it.”   Kissing was a pleasant break between conversations and it felt so great to have his mouth on mine again.  

We were able to go from breezy topics to deep ones, with ease.    We shared a lot and the time we had been apart was irrelevant, we didn’t miss a beat in the intimacy we had. 

He was just as gorgeous as I remembered although he did seem tired and stressed.   However, he was sweet and attentive to me.  He made sure I had what I needed and was comfortable and took random breaks to kiss my neck, hand, wrist or touch my leg.    Although we were in the bar of a crowded restaurant, we were oblivious to anyone around us, except the occasional interruption from the bartender.   The happiness on our faces was probably more than obvious and with the kissing, probably borderline obnoxious to those around us.

Sitting next to him, I felt happier than I have in a very long time, I thoroughly enjoyed staring into his eyes and savoring his beauty as we talked. 

He said he’d like to see me more, even talked about us taking a getaway trip.   It was a thrilling thought but I didn’t want to think about it too much and get my hopes up.    The time flew by and the kissing started to overtake the conversation.  His hand moved up my smooth leg and he took a momentary break from kissing me to flash me a naughty smirk when he discovered the lacy garter on my thigh.   

His hand moved recklessly up the side of my skirt and it made me feel like the entire bar could see my ass.   I gasped and chided him for a second but laughed it off quickly.  Gesturing the bartender for the check was his obvious next move.  We quickly paid and walked the path quickly to the front door.

I noticed how beautiful the scenery outside the restaurant was now that it was dark.  There was a lake, lit beautifully and the sound of the running waters from the fountain completed the scene for our passionate kissing.  Everything about kissing him felt so right and I was so estatic to be with him again.   The night was chilly and we started walking towards my car, hand in hand.   

I knew we didn’t have much time because I had to be home and I knew his son was expecting him too.  This time with him was perfect so far and I couldn’t have written a better night with him, except if we could have been together all night long.    

We stole a few semi private sexy moments in the parking lot outside my car.   He kissed the few bits of bare skin he could get away with and I enjoyed receiving his affections.  His passion and the way he kisses is a totally different feeling than I’ve ever felt because it’s obvious he thoroughly adores a woman. When I’m with him, I feel adored, worshiped almost in his presence.  

The night’s chill forced us into my car and it wasn’t long before the windows were covered in steam.    Any doubt I had earlier today that our passion was fleeting, was long gone now.   We reluctantly said our goodbyes and talked about seeing each other again.    It took about 3 times for us to be able to finally say goodbye and it was difficult to watch him finally walk to his car when the night was over.  

The night was perfect and I didn’t want to think about the future too much.  I enjoyed the long car ride home replaying this night, feeling peaceful and so happy to have seen him again, hopeful for the future but just enjoying the moment for what it was.
Thank you for reading! 
The Single Mom

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Chilly Days after the Steamy Night with "Man Candy"

As the “morning after” went on, I started to come down from the emotional high of waking up next to Man Candy and all the happy flashbacks of the night before started to be replaced with questions.   I started to wonder what did last night mean, what would happen next and was he starting to have deeper feelings for me. 
I tried to toss these thoughts out of my mind and just try to enjoy the rush, but it became harder and harder as the hours passed.    An image of our steamy night, bathed in salty kisses and intense lovemaking flashed in my memory, but just as quickly, it was replaced by an uneasy feeling of thinking I'd made a mistake.  My body was washed over in pleasure and I enjoyed smelling his cologne linger on my skin, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.
We kept in touch, not much change in our communication patterns and I consciously tried to not be a “girl” and dig deep into his feelings or probe him for any change in our closeness.    I read and reread every text three or four times to try to sniff out a hidden meaning or some hint of closeness, only to find nothing to hang hope on. 
We met the next Sunday afternoon to watch football.  It was a beautiful day with clear blue skies and the first day that the breezes started to feel more like fall and at the same time that summer was slipping away fast.   The place we met was a local spot that we met up for beers last winter.  Today, we went outside and were seated on an outdoor patio surrounded by lively football fans, cheering on their team and downing wings and beers.   

The mood was cheerful and we enjoyed the sunshine on our faces and being able to see the football game from outdoors.  We had beers, snacks and enjoyed the game.  During commercials, we chatted about our usual subject matter, kids, work, sports but nothing of any depth.     After the game, I decided to get home to get a jump start on the week ahead.   There were groceries to buy and the boys’ laundry to fold and put away.   I was enjoying my time with Man Candy but there really didn’t seem to be a reason to stay. 

Our conversation seemed more forced than normal and although it was comfortable it just didn’t seem like we were cutting through basic small talk.   We said our goodbyes and I made my way back through the crowded bar to the entrance.   As I walked to my car, it began to irritate me that he didn’t walk me out and kiss me goodbye. 
I had a 20 minute drive home to think about this more and I became more irritated.  When I came to my exit, I pulled over at the first parking lot and texted him how he seemed distant today and I didn’t understand why.   I put my car in drive and began to roll forward when I received his reply.  He seemed angry and told me I was nuts and that he was just his normal self.    I fired back that he could have walked me out and kissed me goodbye and thought it was odd that he didn’t.   

His reply was that he was sorry and it wasn’t intentional.    I accepted his apology but started to realize that we were in two completely different places emotionally.   I had to realize that I couldn’t expect him to have some kind of spiritual connection with me during a football game, but I didn’t want to feel like a piece of furniture either. 
During the next week, he seemed a little more distant than normal and I realized he probably wasn’t going to develop deeper feelings for me.   I knew if I wanted to hang out with him, watch a game and share some beers, I was in luck.  However, if I wanted to have the closeness that we used to have, it didn’t seem possible. 

The next few days passed along without incident.  On Friday, we didn’t have any plans for the weekend and out of frustration I sent him a text that afternoon that I wanted to talk.   He called me right away and I took a walk to overlook the river to take his call.  He was concerned about what I had to say and encouraged me to talk.  
I explained that I didn’t see us moving in a forward direction and that I was frustrated and disappointed.   He opened up about some issues about his son and his ex that have been taking his attention the past few days.  There had been some drama and they had been going back and forth about homework and schedules. 
I took this time to tell him some observations about his ex that I’ve been keeping to myself for weeks.   I basically unloaded how I felt she was using him and controlling his life and I was probably too blunt.  It bothered me how this was going on and I finally spilled my guts about it.  He was quiet for a few moments which seemed much longer than they really were.  

He agreed with everything that I said and thanked me for bringing it all to his attention.   He saw a new reality that somehow he’d been denying all along and he couldn’t argue with anything I said.  I apologized for saying it the way I did, but that I wanted him to be able to make changes.    This opened up a whole new conversation and I told him that I was here to help him in any way I could and that I wished he’d told me what had been happening.     
It felt like we had made some real progress and it felt like we were almost like a team and he trusted my opinion.   He asked if he could see me tonight after work and I invited him to come along with my colleagues after we finished and have some beers with us.  He said he’d text me and that he was looking forward to the evening. 

I checked my phone several times and his text finalizing our plans never came.  I went ahead with my plans and enjoyed chatting with my coworkers after an intense week.    It was a relief that the long week was finally behind us and the drinks were taking the edge off of the past few days.    I texted him simply, “WTH?”  and before I could put the phone down, it rang. 
Of course it was him calling to tell me that he was feeling depressed and couldn’t force himself to go out like he originally planned.   It was so loud in the bar and I wasn’t going to continue to have a conversation with him while I could be having fun with my friends.   He clearly wasn’t putting in the same effort and I wasn’t going to let it bother me.   I told him we’d talk later and I continued enjoying time with my friends.   It affected me and it hurt my feelings, because I started to hope that we had turned a corner, but deep down, I didn’t count on it either. 

I spent the next day cleaning, organizing and tossing out stuff.  I’m not sure why, but during emotional times like this, I clean out my closet, maybe I just feel like I need to regain control of something, anything so I took my frustration out for “Man Candy” out on my innocent walk in closet.    
Later that evening, I met a girlfriend for appetizers and a drink to replay the past few days and get her opinion.  She listened and agreed that there didn’t seem to be any reason to think he’d change and that I should stop communicating with him.

That night, when I got home, I was beyond worn down.  I was both drained and physically exhausted.   As I slipped into bed, I texted “Man Candy” a simple goodbye, telling him that I care about him but it’s time to part ways.    It wasn’t necessary to talk again and rehash everything, it was clear where we both stood and that there wasn’t a point of dragging it out longer.  
He apologized for sending me mixed messages and I was a little bitchy with my response.   I know he didn’t mean to hurt me but he still did and that it didn’t make it hurt less.   My anger was pushing my sadness down and I was still feeling bitchy, not sad.    He said goodbye and that he’ll miss me too.   I read his words several times but I couldn’t cry, I just mocked his text repeating his words in a sarcastic tone.  I knew it was immature, but it was easier than feeling disappointment and rejection.

I texted my other best friend, a guy who is much younger than me, but somehow we are incredibly close.  I knew he’d be working the late shift and that he’d know just what to say to comfort my battered heart.    He immediately returned my text and was incredibly sweet, offering to talk if I needed to.    I thanked him for being so sweet but I didn’t feel like talking.  
I then sent a couple of pathetic, whiny texts about what happened and how sad I was that it ended up like this.  I was aware of how lame I was and he texted me back with a perfect response.   He told me that I’m a beautiful woman inside and out and that “Man Candy” would someday realize what a great woman he lost.   Although it was a “textbook” reply, it still touched me profoundly and my eyes started to fill with tears, finally. 

I thanked him for saying that and sent him a short and sweet text back.   My tears were flowing and I could barely see enough to read anymore.   My eyes closed and I let the tears stream down my face.   Although he texted me a couple more sweet texts, I didn’t see them until morning because I was already asleep…  dreaming a new dream.

Thank you so much for reading!!!


The Single Mom

Sorry I've been out of action for so long, life has been incredibly busy and stressful.   I'm in the thick of looking for a new job and it's been a lot of time and stress, but very important.    I also did an appearance on Huffington Post Live,  a panel conversation.  I've been asked to do another one and it just hasn't worked out, so hopefully, I'll be able to do one soon.   I've also been doing a regular Friday morning radio show talking about dating and relationships, so that's been fun to do and great to help people with their dating questions.   I've also struck out again on the dating scene, a couple of dates to catch you up on soon... not sure what to make of it all, but I'm putting myself back out there again, so I guess that's a good thing, we will see won't we?   Smooches!!! 


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Steamy, Fun Date with Man Candy

A passionate fantasy reel played in my mind while I was getting ready for my fifth date with “Man Candy”.  This wasn’t JUST our fifth date, but this is our second go around of dating.  We’ve been walking a blurry line of passion and friendship since our casual reconnection over beers earlier this summer.    The dates have had a lot of conversation, sharing and long, passionate makeout sessions on the way back to our cars.

Our emotional connection was always there, since the very first time we spoke.   We have a lot in common, see the world in a pretty similar way and we are both laid back about most things.    We’ve had a comfort level being together, the conversation has flowed easily but if there does happen to be silence, it doesn’t seem awkward.

The physical chemistry has been effortless also.   I’m particular about kissing and he kisses me exactly the way I like.   We both have a naughty side, again a perfect match.   I respect a lot about him, probably one of the traits I like the best is that he doesn’t sleep around.  He’s not a dude who goes clubbing and takes a different woman home every night.   He’s a one woman kind of a guy, extremely picky and maybe even guarded but doesn’t go through women like a lot of men I meet.

With all that being said, I wasn’t ready for my clothes to end up on his floor at the end of the night, but I was looking forward to spending more time with him.  It was a Saturday night and neither one of us had our kids.   I wanted to do something different on our date and we had tickets to a comedy show.   The week was a long one and I was looking forward to a fun night out.    

Admittedly, I took a long time getting ready for the evening.   I chose my new favorite top, in teal.   It’s a beautiful color and looks great with summer tanned skin and also draws out my blue eyes… well all that AND it makes my boobs look huge, so that’s probably the honest reason I chose it.   I’ve been losing a little weight and pulling myself back up out of my bitchy, cranky, depression.    So, it was actually a fun to take a long time getting ready, plucking eyebrows, exfoliating every follicle and of course the telltale leg shaving.   

As I had one of these fantasy daydreams about the evening, my logical mind would push out the fleshy imagery right back out of my brain and put the panties back on.    I didn’t want to repeat our past mistakes but I haven’t let myself get quite as attached this time either.    I packed a toothbrush, contact solution and a red silky chemise, well just in case I needed some overnight essentials…

Our night got off to a great start, lots of passionate kisses that cued up the fantasy daydream reel in my mind.   My body was following right along where my mind was going and I could feel myself wanting more.   Our eyes locked on each other’s between kisses just long enough to build more desire and kiss again even harder.  Our kissing sesh had to stop abruptly as we rushed off to make the show in time.  It was raining lightly and it was difficult trying to jog in stiletto, but we made it. 

We were seated quickly, ordered drinks that quickly came and thoroughly enjoyed the show.  There was a lot of material about being single and we made eye contact during the performances, sharing in on the laughter together.  It was a great release after an exhausting week and good for both of us. 

The drinks were especially strong and my alcohol tolerance is especially weak.   I was in a jovial mood and the effects of the liquor were more obvious when I tried to stand.   After the show it was still reasonably early and we were having fun.  We decided to catch the end of the baseball game on tv at the restaurant on the way out. 

It was crowded with lots of beautiful single people, bachelorette party groups and sports fans watching the game.   The music was upbeat, there were buoyant conversations and loud cheers about the action on the tv.     We were talking over all the noise and having a good time.   I ordered a drink and a water, as I knew I needed to slow down.

My plan to stop drinking was foiled by of all things, a woman who bought me a drink, well a shot to be more exact.  She struck up a conversation, winked at me curiously and bought me a shot.  The drink immediately made me regret accepting it and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle myself.   We decided to make a quick exit and he helped me make my way through the crowd.

It was a beautiful night outside, the trees were lit beautifully and the night’s sky was clear overhead.   There was live music and lots of activity in the courtyard.  He pulled me close and kissed me hard while we waited for the elevator down to my car.   I wasn’t going to even attempt to drive, and he insisted to take my keys.   In the car, we shared a few lingering kisses, enjoying a rare moment of privacy. 

He drove the short drive to his house and I tried my best to walk in my high heels feeling the full effects of my drinks.  I grabbed my purse, but intentionally left my “overnight” bag in the car.

The first moments alone in his house were a little awkward.    It was actually a little surreal to finally be alone together, after so many hot make out sessions in dark parking lots.   It was weird finally being in his house after all this time of knowing him, seeing where he sleeps and showers every day.  It was a typical guy’s bedroom, simple and just about the opposite of my canopy draped girly boudoir.  

I planned on only hanging out for an hour or so and leaving when I was sober.   He offered for me to get comfortable and stay as long as I needed to until I felt ready to drive, including overnight.  I thanked him and knew I needed to let some time pass before I could drive home.   My contacts were irritating and I mentioned that I wanted to take them out.  This innocent comment led to him asking me if brought a case with me.  I answered that it was in my car, and with that he swooped in like a gentleman and retrieved my things for me.   

As I brushed my teeth and slipped out of my clothes and into my silky red chemise, he was in the other room checking Facebook and email.

We both were exhausted and headed straight for bed.  It felt natural, almost ordinary in fact to crawl into bed, pull the covers down and lay next to him.   He put his arm around me and our mouths found each other in the darkness, sharing sweet goodnight kisses.    My hands caressed his chest and biceps, gently and it was cozy being tucked in under his arm.     


Our kissing switched from sweet and gentle to passionate and hungry within just a few seconds.   His hand grabbed my breast tightly as his kiss felt literally like he was inhaling me.   My arm slid around the small of his waist, drawing him closer to me and then over his boxer briefs.   He kissed my neck hard and my desire for him was becoming unbearable. 

He ran his fingers through my hair as he kissed me hard, causing me to want him now and I told him so.  In the next moment, his boxer briefs were on the floor and our bodies were joined together.    It was exactly as I remembered and the passion was even better this time.   It was incredibly hot and even more so being this close, sweat from his brow dripped onto me and our kisses tasted salty from kissing each other’s skin.

After, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.   When I awoke, I realized I had slept so deeply that it felt almost like I was waking up from a surgery.   I haven’t slept that deeply in a very long time and it felt good to wake up next to him.    We shared morning breath kisses which only lead to another lovemaking session, again perfect in every way.

We shared some snuggling and casual chit chat but I had to get my day started.  I got dressed and tried to smooth my hair down.   He dressed also and we shared a few more kisses as I pulled on the teal blouse from the night before.    I drove the long drive home with a smile on my face, replaying the real fantasy reel of fresh memories in my mind.   
I didn’t want to analyze what I was feeling or what he might be feeling in this moment right now.   I did enjoy smelling his cologne still on my skin and replaying the night in my mind.  It felt like we were making progress and I was happy about the hot summer night with Man Candy… but would the sweetness last… ? 
Thanks so much for reading!
The Single Mom




Thursday, September 6, 2012

Cocktails, a big confession... and a couple of nibbles of "Man Candy"


It was a beautiful evening when I stepped out to meet “Man Candy” at the restaurant overlooking the river.   This was our fourth date on our second go around.  Since he’s an ex in “dating math” that’s practically the matching sweaters stage, or at least completely respectable to have intimate relations (translation: hot monkey sex…).   

Going into the date before this, I wasn’t exactly sure if it was a trip to the “friend zone” or to ‘lovers lane”… but after a steamy makeout session and blood rushing to various naughty bits, I could easily rule out the friend zone, check.  However, the last question I wanted to ask myself was “where are we, where is this going?”   I enjoyed this stage of flirting, kissing and talking – there didn’t have to be any exchanges of promises or bodily fluids for me to be happy.  In fact, I’m trying to hold my heart back and to be honest it hasn’t been too hard because he is too. 

I didn’t have a game plan mapped out for this date or any specific moves.  In fact, I worked late and had to rush getting ready for the night.   It was a hot summer night and I wore a very sexy number that showed a lot of cleavage and yet was sexy without being slutty.    He smiled when he saw me and greeted me with a tight hug and a kiss.  

We were seated in the crowded restaurant, ordering drinks and catching each other up on our days.  Now that we are in the routine of keeping in touch every day, the conversation flowed easily.   We talked about the first time we dated (6 months ago) and how this time was different.  He admitted that there was so much about me that he didn’t know the first time because he didn’t exactly give me a chance to share a lot of myself to him.  He went on to say that the things that he knows about me now make him like me a lot more. 

He stopped short of thanking me per se for seeing him again, but that it was a pleasure to get to know all my layers.   I added that the first time we dated that when we were out, we had our hands all over each other and now we do more talking.    I explained that one of the reasons I agreed to see him again and to even consider a romantic reunion was that he wasn’t the kind of man who had sex for sport.  It meant something to him and he didn’t sleep around.   He became quiet and took a deep breath before he confessed that he hasn’t been with anyone since we broke up in February.  My words came slowly and I looked down before I spoke them, then meeting his eyes again, telling him that I hadn’t been with anyone else either.    

Our words seemed to float in the air, our eyes were locked on each other and everything else seemed to be frozen around us.  It was one of those moments in life that feels like a slow motion.   The heart that I had previously been so successful holding onto was now thumping hard in my chest.   I looked down at his mouth approaching mine and then again at his eyes before closing my eyes.   I felt his lips and we shared a long, passionate kiss.  The kiss seemed to make the words official.  

We paid the check and he walked me to my car.   Finally, we had some privacy and our makeout sesh became intense, maybe too intense for the parking garage.  We were startled by the sarcastic honk of a passing car.  The driver obviously didn’t care about this turning point in our relationship, whatever… lol.   

He was a little embarrassed about the passing car, but I didn’t care and I kissed him harder, pressing him against my car.  As I kissed him, I was also mentally processing what he told me and trying to decide if it really made a difference or if I was exaggerating it because I wanted it to mean something.   My thoughts raced as he pulled me tighter to him, now kissing my neck.  I could instantly feel my defenses melt and wished I didn’t have to go home tonight, yet knowing it was best that I did.   I yanked him by his belt loops against me and gasped when I did, feeling his obvious desire.

Leaving him was difficult but I knew I should.   We exchanged short kisses and as we parted, we were reluctant to let go of each other’s hands.    The drive home was a daydream with romantic scenes from our past, tonight and what it would be like to sleep next to him again.   Admittedly, I was loosening the tight grip of my heart and for the moment it didn’t really seem to matter.
Thank you for reading... next date is even hotter... hubba hubba!
Other Awesome News!!!

I’ve been doing a regular show on a radio station and it’s so much fun!  I talk about dating, relationships and…    You can listen too, or even call in and talk to me 513.579.1160.   I go on air at about 8:15ish, EST, so listen to me if you can!  Smooches!!

The Single Mom

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Another Sexy Date with an eX - Man Candy

Solving for the eX....

This might come as a total shock to most of my regular readers, but I DON’T sit around pondering String theory or the Pythagorean theorem.  However  I say with equal parts of humility and sarcasm that I’m pretty sure I’ve uncovered a universal truth, a formula that will no doubt put me in the same consideration as Einstein,  Socrates and Pythagorean, whoever he was.   To solve for X, it is important to break down the Y first.  X = eX of course and Y = WHY?  As in… “why the HELL did you dump my ass, you douche?”   

I’ve taken a lot of heat for going back out with my ex, “Man Candy” for a second time.  Probably because I frequently say that going out with an ex is a bad idea and one shouldn’t do it, unless you’re a total raving dumbass.   Also, the way we ended was abrupt and confusing and I get that.   I digress… but my point here is that my “rule” of not dating an ex, probably should have some EXceptions, based on maybe the why’s of the breakup.  X-Y = a “maybe” for seeing Man Candy again.
The first time around, we did everything “smart” and “right” leading up to having sex, didn’t rush into it and thought it was the right decision, when we finally did the nasty.  Well, ya that waiting thing didn’t work out so well for me now did it?   I remember picking up the pieces of my broken heart after all that, of course I haven’t forgotten.   A lot happened after we broke up and my life became exponentially more stressful and dating was about the last thing on my mind, for a long time.

To be totally upfront with you, I feel partially like being out on a date with him now is my way of easing back into dating…. Whether that’s right or wrong, I just feel like he’s my training wheels or something.  I’m still trying to find my balance and not sure that meeting someone totally new is a good idea right now. 

I’m also struggling with trying to discern if I’m being objective about my going back to an ex and thinking about it from a lot of different angles.  I recently got irritated with a man I was talking to when he went back to his ex, after using me to get through the emotional heavy lifting of the first few weeks of their breakup.  She cheated on him with his best friend and she had thrown a brick through a window of his truck.   Ok, so that “Y” is because she was bat shit crazy, don’t get back together.  Duh.

So here’s what’s different with my situation with “Man Candy”, since we broke up he had a dose of reality, not meeting anyone that he remotely liked and had doubts about why he let me go.  He also had a monumental life changing event that I’ll tell you more about in a second… but suffice it to say that he’s rethinking a lot.   I know, I know… I feel your cynicism and I agree, I have it too.   Yet, I’m being different and smarter, holding back a lot myself and truly dating him to have fun.  Crazy thought, huh?  Yeah.   I’m at a different place than I have been, maybe ever.   I mean don’t get me wrong if things go well, I’m open to that, just not losing any sleep about it. 

Speaking of sleep, It was a coincidence, but I texted him on a day last week that one of his close friends was killed in a car accident – I happened to get his text with this news while I was sound asleep.    I could tell he was upset from the tone and my sleepy brain woke up to answer his text with concern and I invited him to call me even though it was very late.   He hasn’t called me for a long time and I was shocked when a few minutes later he did.   He went on and on about the car accident, the details and how it made big news and the driver that killed him was being irresponsible, essentially he rambled and I listened.  He was angry and understandably so. 

He talked about his friend’s son left behind and the wife, memories of them in college and playing ball through the years.   His voice cracked and so did mine as I tried to find words to console him, keeping my voice down to not wake up my boys down the hall.   We talked until after 1:00 and when we signed off he seemed genuinely grateful that I was there to talk to him. 

Over the next few days, we traded texts and I could tell how hard he was taking it.  He didn’t want to talk, he was fighting the darkness, hard.   It broke my heart, honestly and yet I knew he wanted and probably needed space.   The funeral was almost a week later, and that had to just make it feel like it was an eternity, ugh.    I let it go and stopped making the first move to reach out to him.   He knew I cared but I didn’t want to smother him either, it was a fine line.    I’m also walking this fine line with him to not put me dead in the friend zone either.    

Simultaneously, my emotions were going through a bit of a rollercoaster.   I’m dealing with some teenage rebellion issues from my oldest son and also fighting some of my own dormant grief from my mom’s death.  In a nutshell, I’ve been emotional lately and going through this alongside Man Candy reminded me how short life is and how I vowed to make sure I never forgot that, though I honestly have.

I was inspired by all this emotion to actually have feelings, and actually do something about having them… haha.   So, I did something that wasn’t a huge risk but enough of one for me… I wrote on my personal Facebook page (he is one of my friends on it) something about how life is short and not to take people for granted.   He’s rarely on Facebook and I didn’t do it exactly to inception his brain, I just kind of put it out there, so to speak.

The following day, he sent me a text inviting me out for a drink after work.   I had to juggle some things around, but was pretty sure I could make it.   Luckily I had makeup with me at work and something cute, but not slutty to wear.   I primped and was excited to see him, but again not sure if this was consoling a friend or a date.   Either way, I hunkered down prepared for either scenario.

We set up a meeting nearby on the river, it was a gorgeous night.  I was in a great mood singing along with the radio but planning what to say.  The song on the radio was some mindless pop song, the chorus was “I want you back… I want you back, wa wa want you back…”   When I realized what I was singing I switched the song quickly and made a sarcastic face, convincing myself for a second (or less) that I didn’t want him back…  

When I arrived, he greeted me warmly, smiled and hugged me very close and long.   I followed him to a table overlooking the river.   We ordered drinks and snacks and the conversation flowed easily.   I started first, updating him about some pretty big news going on in my life,  and he was really excited for me.  He was supportive and listened intently.    We laughed, talked easily and the drinks were kicking in.    He started opening up about his friend,  his voice cracked as he spoke, and he looked directly at me as he explained what happened.  I listened as he shared memories of his friend and how this was the hardest loss he’s experienced, mostly because of the shock.   I shared how my mom died suddenly and how that was hard and I could somewhat understand his loss.  

We talked for hours, literally about everything.    It felt good talking to him and I know although he is a communicative man, that he doesn’t have a lot of people he can freely express himself to like this.   His icy grey eyes were locked on me as I kept my attention on him and well I’m not gonna lie, I did notice the way his muscles looked under his shirt.   He teased me about my leopard print shirt and it was obvious that he was looking at the way my chest filled out the tightly fitting shirt. 

The waiter came to freshen our drinks and I ran to the ladies room for a minute, as this was a natural break to step away.   I freshened up my lipgloss and chewed a breath mint as I walked back to our table.   

I teasingly pinched his arm for teasing me about my shirt a few minutes ago.   He smiled and his arms quickly swept around my waist as he drew me tightly to him in a long passionate kiss, perhaps inappropriate kiss.   We were oblivious to those around us and it felt like his kisses were melting me, our bodies were against each other tightly and it was probably too intense for the setting.  We took a short break to continue the pinching and teasing, but started kissing again in the middle of a sentence.    Obviously what we had to say wasn’t more important than kissing.

He paid for the drinks and we left, to see an overlook of the river and the beautiful night’s sky.  The stars were shining and several boats were out on the river, and the city in the background was beautifully lighting up the sky.    We kissed a few times, stronger and harder than before at  the table, my hands found his front jeans pockets and pulled his body against mine as his mouth engulfed mine.   As I kissed him, I bit his lower lip and he groaned in pleasure and pulled me tighter against him. 

He must have caught himself and realized that we should walk towards our cars.    When we found my car, he immediately started kissing me and pushed me forcefully against my car.  He stopped and looked at me, glared at me even as he ran his hands through my hair, pulling it all to one side as he yanked it hard and then planted another forceful kiss on my expectant mouth.  His body pressed hard against me as I felt his passion for me growing. 

The voices of another couple walking by us made him pull back and stop kissing me.  I shot him a disapproving glare as I yanked him tightly against me again by his pockets.     I then kissed him hard, pulling his chest against mine and biting his lip again.   His hands swept around my ass, pulling me against him, he made sure I felt the force of him, grinding slightly against me.  I moaned slightly, uncontrollably as my memory recalled how he felt inside me.  My body wanted to continue with that memory, but my brain was fighting it.   As we kissed, I tasted blood and made a little joke about it between more kisses and nibbles.   

We said our goodnights, and I headed home with a smile on my face but my brain still intact in my head.   Thank you for reading!
The Single Mom