Monday, January 30, 2012

Putting Myself "Back Out There" in the Dating Game

The other day I ran into an old buddy, Captain Obvious. He had a couple of words for me and as usual didn’t pull any punches. Basically, he told me it was time to start opening myself up to dating again. He said that I’ve let the crap that’s happened to me lately bother me too much and to get back up, get some heels on, show some cleavage and get back in the game.

He was careful to caution me that I needed to be smart and to not rush into anything but enough time has passed and it was time. After I thought about it for a couple of days, I decided he was right and I signed back on to a dating site. Gulp.

At the same time, I was also talking to my ex,”Freakshow”. He was saying things I wanted to hear and pushing the buttons he knew he needed to push to get to me. He isn’t stupid and I can’t fault him for that.

We were talking and texting through the day and my heart skipped a few beats between texts. I wanted to believe that he meant it THIS TIME.

He planned a date for us at one of the nicest restaurants in town and I was really excited about a fresh start. I was looking forward to it until I realized I had a conflict and had to break the date. The next few days that followed we sent a lot of texts back and forth. We were talking about the future we’d have and basically working out the things that had been hurdles in the past.

I was starting to let my guard down and let hope creep into my heart, just a little. He seemed sincere and yet I didn’t believe him entirely. After a few days, the texting became flirty and his true colors started showing. What we had in the past was extremely passionate and our conversations were ending up solidly back into “Dirtytown”.

It became obvious to me that the passion we had in the past made it impossible to go back and rewind to start. It was too bad really. I ended the relationship and he didn’t put up a fight, which made me think my instincts were right. It was too bad really, I had legitimate feelings for him and it was too bad that he couldn’t control his hormones long enough to be in that place with me.

The decision to move forward and meet new people became the obvious right answer. Since getting over my heartbreak last fall, I’ve been cautious, maybe too cautious about dating. I feel like I’m narrowing my criteria, maybe to an extreme, but I’m not sure. The last time I dated someone, there was almost a 10 year age difference (he was younger) and I just feel that there is a lot of maturation that he didn’t have. Now I feel like I need to narrow the gap down to maybe a 5 year difference (+ or -) and go with that unless someone REALLY impresses me.

Maybe what I’m looking for is different than what most women are, but there are a lot of profile pictures of men on motorcycles, with their motorcycles or just a motorcycle. That tells me that motorcycles must help men get laid. It would seem so anyway.

I was talking to a man who was extremely cute, extremely and he was 10 years younger than me. I decided to at least get to know him, maybe his looks swayed my decision just a little or a lot. We texted for a few days and he finally asked me out on a date. The first date he suggested was that he cook me dinner at his house. From experience, that’s just not a situation I’d do again, extremely cute or not. I countered that we meet for a drink and see how that goes. That was the last time he texted me. It tells me he was probably interested in one thing, so lesson learned there.

Another handsome man caught my attention. He is a couple of years older than me, seemed grounded and has a good sense of humor. After a few emails, we talked on the phone. I liked him and the conversation flowed, I’m just thinking he might be a little too um “vanilla” for me. With that said, I really do owe him the chance to meet and see how it goes in person, because he really does seem like a rare great guy. I guess I was just hoping for a little bit of a spark or something to hold onto, I’m not going to write it off yet.

In general I’ve been slow about returning emails unless someone really seems like a fit. If the conversation doesn’t flow off the bat during the email stage, I’ve been losing interest quickly. There is just so much going on in my life that I’m not going out with someone just for fun. It really has to be someone I’m excited to meet.

Everything was chugging away pretty blasé until I got a surprise email from someone I’ve talked to in the past. We exchanged a few emails last spring and it was around the same time I met “Latin Lover”. Yet, there was something about this man I really liked he seemed sincere, with a good sense of humor and warmth.

He and I went back and forth a few times admittedly I was probably slow to return them. However, I was shocked when he sent me one telling me he’d met someone and was going to see where it went.

Although I was somewhat disappointed, I respected that he was honest about the situation. Fast forward 8 months or so and I was semi happy to hear from him again. We’ve traded emails and are going to talk soon.

Everything that I’ve seen in him this time makes me think that we should be pretty compatible but I’ll know more once we can talk. I have conflicts for the next couple of nights, so I’ve put off talking on the phone. I teased him that I hope he wouldn’t meet someone else in the meantime, but at this point I can’t worry about that.

So, I’m “back out there” again. If nothing else, I have my toe dipped in the water waiting for the right reason to dive in. Do you think I’m being too cautious or smart? I can’t decide yet but I’ll let you know what happens next, of course.


The Single Mom

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A Shiny New 2012... plus an update on my dating life...

I can’t explain it or understand it but for the first time in a very long time I’m happy, really happy.  I don’t have a relationship, a lot of material possessions or success, yet despite that I see things working in my life that these things are happening for me.  Something under the surface is changing and although the ground outside is frozen and barren I have new hope.  Rewind to a month ago, I was literally on my knees, hopeless, sobbing and desolate.    I wanted to give up, crawl into a corner and disappear.  Nothing was going right and I couldn’t see a way out.
The last thing I’m going to do is preach, this isn’t the place for that.  I try to write with warmth and love as a reflection of my faith but I don’t want to force it down anyone’s throat.  So what I WILL say is there is a positive force (and you can interpret that any way that your faith takes it) working in my life.   Things are moving in a positive way for me, although all the answers are not obvious, yet I can see good things on the horizon.
In the past, I’ve celebrated and been estatic when my kids have achieved milestones, when I’ve had a great date, written a piece I like or made a big sale.  I don’t have any of those catalysts in my life right now, but what I do have is a bigger joy that despite not having these things that I do see things just getting ready to burst, to pop wide open and I’m on the cusp of something huge. 
Through all this testing I’ve had, I’ve learned something big for me; I had to learn to receive.  I’m a giving person but not good at receiving.  I don’t like to need anyone or anything in my life.  I’d rather figure something out, fix my lawnmower myself or put together a bike I bought for my kids than to ask for help.  
In a word I’m stubborn… stubborn as hell.  Yet, I think what that is a symptom of is that I’ve had a hard time receiving love, it’s not about the help or the assistance it’s that someone loved me enough as a neighbor or a friend to do something nice for me.  What a dork I am huh?  Yes totally, Captain Obvious.
What I think this means for me is that maybe, just maybe I’m now in a good place to receive love.  It feels like I’m really open to finding love, whether it is a relationship or not.   I feel like I’m in a really good place to offer a lot AND to receive a lot.     I’ve been struggling this past year financially, it’s been one hurdle after another, and I was at a place where I felt hopeless.  
Although I’m embarrassed about it on some level, I’m so touched on another.   My neighbors and friends spread the word about what was going on and through the holidays there were gifts, some anonymous and others not for my kids and me, in our mailbox and on our porch.   It touched me and moreover reinforced my faith in humanity.
Ironically, this was at a time where I was having rocks thrown at me in a very mean spirited, public way.    I’ve already written about it and not going to beat any dead horses, but suffice it to say it was extremely upsetting.  Ironically, I was getting these gifts at the same time as I was being insulted publicly and personally.   I’m sure that the warm fuzzies softened the blow of these hateful words.    It also made me feel sorry for the people who were doing this to me and to send good thoughts and prayers their way.
I pulled myself up and decided to look deep, very deep inside myself for growth and to share that with you.  Out of this pain, something amazing happened, I decided to have a positive word as my focus every month and this month’s is “Shine”. 
Follow along on Facebook for inspiration along the way.  I’m trying to get better, be better and put a positive, shiny version of me into the world.   I have a lot to learn, a lot of growth to do and I own that, I so am humble to that.
The most incredible thing happened as I was writing this piece… I have a channel on Pandora playing chick music and a song came on that I’ve never heard before.  It ties together everything that I’ve been writing about, wow.  Literally took my breath away and I had to Google the lyrics to make sure I really heard it.   
It was a Taylor Swift song and one of the lines jumped out at me, “People throw rocks at things that shine”.   It’s funny because I just wrote how people had been “throwing rocks” at me and shine was my word for January.   Funny how sometimes things fall into place and we get a message we needed to hear.   
Thanks for all your support and I hope you find new ways to shine in this new year!
The Single Mom

What's going on in my Dating life...
I've been talking to "Twitterguy" and although I know he cares about me and I know I could fall head over heels for him, I don't see things progressing romantically for us.   We are close and into each other, but I think the distance between us is just too much.   I call him "Dork" and after we had an intimate conversation, I texted him as I was going off to sleep, "I want to be your dork". 
I know I wasn't giving Danielle Steele a run for her money with that "sweet nothing", but it's the playful way we talk to each other.   I'm sure he knew my feelings for him were growing but I don't think he's in the right place for it to be anything now.
Is the third time the charm for  “Freakshow” and me?  We’ve been talking again since we ran into each other downtown a couple months ago.    It was at an event at the convention center and I had a weird premonition that I’d run into him.  It was a sporting event and he is a fan, but still it was a longshot that he’d be there.     We’ve been talking more and I’m considering seeing him again.  I haven’t been on a date since November, so this is definitely the longest break I’ve taken and I’m just hoping to make smarter decisions.  Stay tuned... Smooches!!!

Here's me saying thank you, maybe a little sexier voice... You tell me... A sexier SMD??? (mp3)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Making 2012 an Awesome, Sexy New Year!

It’s another new year, I hope your 2012 is off to a good start!   It’s always a great time to think about goals and resolutions and then turn around and toss them out the window.  Well, that’s if you’re like me, I hope not anyway.    Change is so hard and if anyone knows that it’s me.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been writing this blog for a year and that is one of the ONLY resolutions I kept from last year: “to write a badass blog about my dating life”.     I shared hot moments with Putter, falling in love long distance with The Reader, a sexy inferno of passion with Latin Lover, a bittersweet reunion with Freakshow, sweet and sexy dates with Twitterguy and a few one hit wonders who never earned a nickname.   You were there with me rooting me on and telling me when I needed to check my hormones and keep my panties on.
Sharing my ups and downs with you has kept me honest and shown me my mistakes.   I’ve been extremely transparent and you’ve responded with feedback, so thank you.   Most of my resolutions were unmet because although I’ve worked so hard this last year my finances have been really tight.  So, most of my resolutions weren’t feasible.   Yet, I’ve grown in so many more ways internally.   I’ve grown to find myself as a woman, be happy without having material possessions and to be humbled, really humbled.
My 2011 resolutions were written before life threw a huge shit sandwich in my face over and over again.   Last year was the hardest year from beginning to end and when I wrote my chipper little resolutions, I had no idea that life was getting ready to kick my junk.   Ok life, you literally brought me to my knees in 2011 but I’m still here dammit.   So what if I didn’t get to take sexy classes every quarter or to have a party.  I grew from the inside out, became stronger and created something very special, this blog.  
Not only did I become stronger and more grounded but my boys did too.  I’ve seen them dig deep and become more balanced young men.  I’m extremely proud of them.  Things will get better for us, I’m convinced of it.    In 2011, I literally worked every single day, not one day off.  No long weekend, no lazy Sunday chilling all day, nothing.       I worked hard to create this blog, a career and a voice.
I grossly underestimated the impact I’d have as a blogger and I’m amazed by it.   Within 6 months, I went from not existing to being named one of the top 25 Single Parents Blogs in the world (in the world, wow!) by Circle of Moms.
A lot of you have told me there’s something about my voice, humor, honesty and my lil Miss Naughty Pants persona that you like.  Somehow it has appealed to men and women alike.    I’m grateful to be able to share this and I’m so grateful for how you’ve cheered me on along the way.   The thought of having fans is still something that is odd to me, but so appreciated. Thank you so much!
So while this year was a struggle, I created something I’m really proud of.  They say pressure makes diamonds and I aspire to create beauty, humor and lots o’ sexy from this time.     

2012 promises to be an outstanding year with or without finding love.   I’ve been working with a local media outlet and several exciting opportunities are opening up for me with that.  The connections I’ve made are really exciting to open doors for my writing to go into new directions and I’m beyond excited about that!  
Also, you may or may not know I come from a marketing background.   I’ve been consulting with a Life Coach to increase her marketing presence and I’m thrilled because I’m going to learn so much about life planning and goal setting that I plan to share with you!  
I have a lot of resolutions for 2012 but I found a way to summarize them down very simply:  To stay sexy… mind, body and spirit.    I plan to take care of myself better this year to be able to write better and to feel better from the inside out.  While I join everyone with trying to lose weight, it goes deeper than that.  
I feed my mind with positive thoughts so that I can write from a positive place, I want to be sexy, funny and inspiring this year.   Last year I let a few negative voices affect me, I’m going to stay strong and not let negativity permeate my spirit.    In essence, I’m going to be confident in who I am, work on me and keep it more simple.   
I can’t wait to share more of my news with you and what I learn, this is going to be a great year and I thank you so much for supporting me and sharing so much of yourselves!   Stay sexy, people!
The Single Mom