Monday, March 12, 2012

Getting to Know You... Getting to Know All About You (meh)

So, this is one of the parts of dating that I hate the most… getting to know someone new all over again.    It’s hard after just ending a relationship to meet someone new and invest all the time again memorizing facts about them, getting to know his likes and dislikes, etc.    I’m being extra selective and only answering a few emails, and at a slow pace at that. 

Before my last relationship, I took a few months off of dating to clear my head.   When I came back to dating, I met someone I really started to like relatively soon.  It was just really easy to like him, we connected and it was simple.  At least until his feet became cold… same story different day. 

Now, I’m out there online again trollin, reading emails and profiles and kinda just going through the motions.   I’ve traded a few emails here and there, been slow to take it to the next step and hovering a little.  

I’m basically just dipping my toe in the water knowing I should put more effort into it, it’s just I’m not really gaga about anyone right now.   I’m slow to respond back and I get bored if they don’t catch my attention off the bat.  Maybe it isn’t nice but I don’t want to go out with someone unless he can carry on a conversation.    

On the site, I’ve been contacted by a few exes in the past week.   I responded to one, didn’t like his approach and just started ignoring him.  The others I simply ignored from the start.   One exceptionally douchy exboyfriend  is on the dating site and his Facebook relationship status is “In a relationship” .  He emailed me asking me out again, so I did a little look-see to his Facebook page and saw pictures of his girlfriend and him.  Oh, and here’s how classy he is, his picture on the dating site is the same one as his Facebook picture, just she’s cropped out of it.   Classy, huh?   

I signed up on a new dating site only to be matched up with “Man Candy” (my most recent exboyfriend) only days after we broke up.    Don’t you love it when that happens?  Nope, not really…  it’s a big shit sandwich.   The funny part is according to all of these scientific dating questions, we are practically a perfect match.   Ya, well someone should have told that to “Man Candy” before he got cold feet.    

I’ve been busy and that’s a part of why I’m so distant.  Someone will truly have to catch my attention to get through all the layers that I’m using to protect myself.    At work we were really busy and then a natural disaster happened in our area.   We were then approached to do a big (and keeps getting bigger) fundraising concert.   So, my time to date is even more rationed at the moment.  

I had to go to the site where the tornado happened and it had a profound emotional impact on me for some reason.  I saw houses reduced to rubble, furniture scattered around like loose change and talked to people whose lives were changed forever.    
Seeing all of this devastation made me reevaluate life and just how fragile it can be. 

It also made me miss the friendship and romantic feelings I had for “Man Candy”.    Although I tried to talk myself out of it, I texted him a simple text , “I miss you”.    It felt honest and even though it put me in a vulnerable position to not hear back from him, I did it anyway.    I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t hear back from him, although I’m pretty sure he misses me too, at least a little bit.

I guess for the moment I need to focus on the important things in my life.  Maybe this charity project is more important than me dating.  It’s doing good work and will help people and maybe I have to accept that perhaps it’s a better use of my time right now. 

It feels like I keep being forced to learn new things, be smarter and better about this whole love business.  Yet, I just want to let love find me really.  I want to be sure and I want to have butterflies in my stomach again.   All that good stuff is worth waiting for and being choosy, at least that’s what I’m telling myself to get through it. 

Thanks as always for reading and for your comments!


The Single Mom


DavidRayDog said...

Smooches & hugs to you dear. *wags tail & nuzzles your toes*

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So-So Artist said...

Looking for single moms dating to relate with...your post here rings like my experience. I'm 35 and have gone through all that in the last 3 years since my divorce and have continually experienced the 'cold feet' phenomenon over and over and over....I am starting to worry I've completely lost faith in the good of MAN-kind. even nice men....suck. :( Like a lonely little girl I ask you, the host of this blog, can I play too? I'm so tired of being turned down. :)-Dee

Lala B said...

I think the initial part of dating is so hard especially when u feel like you have put yourself out there before only to get stepped on. I trying to let my guard down and have asked one to be patient with me . Even though we r strong successful women inside there is someone afraid to be vulnerable pushing away the Hurt .. But maybe pushing away the love too...