Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Three Exes and a Lady (Part Two) - Sexy Dates with "Man Candy"

Ex #3 – Man Candy

You may remember “Man Candy” from earlier this year.  We were developing a close, fun and passionate bond during the cold days and nights of winter.    I was just beginning to envision him in my life but was blindsided when things abruptly ended between us.  One of his biggest reasons for ending it was the distance between us and how much I work.    In the months that have passed, my work assignment has taken me to a location about 5 minutes from where he lives, compared to the daunting 45 minute barrier we had in the past. 

One night several weeks ago after a long day at work, my coworkers and I had a beer or two to put the day behind us.  (Enter the dreaded drunk text… yup!   I’m taking full advantage of a low alcohol tolerance and “Mr. Coors” is the beer that made me do this ill-advised move.)  Mr. Coors told me it was a GREAT idea to text Man Candy and that he was eagerly awaiting a text from me.   Unfortunately, I totally listened to him and took his advice.    The pithy, little text gem of 140 characters or less said something like ”hey I work near where you live and you should meet me for a drink sometime”.  Of course it wouldn’t be a drunk text without sloppy spelling mistakes and a smiley face using a colon and a parenthesis.   Duh, I keep it classy like that, people.

Imagine how surprised I was about 20 minutes later to open his reply telling me that he’d like to do that sometime soon.   Score one for the drunk girl:  Whoooo!!!   Although it was great hearing back from him, I didn’t expect anything really except a enjoying a summer night overlooking the river and casual chit chat over a beer.   I was careful to not let myself have any daydreams of us running at each other with arms wide open across a daisy field or anything else remotely like it.  This was just going to be a casual beer, no biggie. 

He texted early the next week to set up a time to get together and we made plans for the next night.    He suggested the little spot on the river, near my office.   Admittedly, I did primp quite a bit, wore something cute but not trashy and rocked the extra high heels.   As I ran into a coworker on the way out, she commented on how nice I looked,  I thought she was just noticing that I looked different since I usually don’t wear much makeup.    I told her I was meeting an ex for a drink and was careful to NOT use the word “date”.   

He was waiting outside the bar for me, looked great and greeted me nicely with a hug.  Admittedly, the first few minutes were slightly awkward.   My mindset was self-protective and completely different than the first time I met him.   In the first few minutes, I was trying to decide if I was still attracted to him.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking the same as I sipped on my beer.

We were seated outside on the patio overlooking the river on a beautiful summer night.  We talked about our kids, jobs and lives in general.  Basically, we caught each other up on the past several months.   The tone was unusually serious, which was a little odd for our typical conversations.  I think we were both being cautious instead of having a good time and enjoying ourselves. 

When the conversation moved into our personal lives, he shared that he isn’t seeing anyone and has had really awful luck in the dating world lately.   He said things like “giving up” and I could tell that he meant it.   I explained that I’ve been working hard and not actively dating much.   We talked and shared for a few hours, with no awkward silences.   I was intentionally very careful to not flirt or send any kind of message that I was interested in seeing him again.    

The night flew by and he walked me toward the elevators.   The sky was beautiful and we were surrounded by people out enjoying the evening.  

We exchanged a nice hug and I was shocked when he turned his face and kissed me.  I was caught off guard and it was a little bit of an awkward kiss at first, but ended much better.    He said he’d like to get together again sometime if I’d be open for that.    I quickly nodded and made a fast exit.  

As I got into my car, I couldn’t help myself but I was excited, maybe giddy even.  I had a long drive home and thought of him most of the time.   The kiss was completely unexpected and it struck me that it had been a long time that one kiss had been such a big deal.   It made me realize that I’ve sometimes moved too fast and enjoying the moment of a goodnight kiss was a pure and simple pleasure.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch here and there but couldn’t actually get together until just last week.  We planned a date, meeting after I was finished at work on a Friday night.    I had to be up very early the next day, but having a drink and male company was worth getting a little less sleep.

I took several minutes in the restroom to straighten my hair, apply makeup, spray my vanilla perfume in strategic places and put on my sexy heels before I left to meet him.    It was a great day at work and I was in a silly mood and was a little excited to see him. 

It took me a few minutes to spot him, but saw him drinking a beer and watching a baseball game seated at the bar.   I walked over to join him and he greeted me with a nice long hug.   A waitress took my order in a few minutes and delivered my beer quickly as we jumped right into a conversation.    I’m not sure if he was in a great mood or if my silliness rubbed off on him, but we were cracking each other up.  It was random and probably borderline immature conversation, but completely fun and light.  

I know I didn’t intentionally touch his thigh, but when I casually placed it there as I was trying to make a point; I froze for a few seconds.  I caught myself and for a few moments I didn’t know what to do.   He picked up on my fear and, smiled not seeming to mind in the slightest.   The chemistry between us was building, and as the night continued, we were sitting noticeably closer. 

We were having a lot of fun and chatting about the sports we were watching.   He was teasing me in a playful way and it started to feel like the connection we had the first time had returned.    Some of the conversations were continuations of things we teased each other about this past winter.  It started to feel very natural to be together again and things were flowing smoothly between us. 

I didn’t want to end the evening and I stayed out longer than I planned to, but it was time for me to say goodnight.   He walked me out and this time I noticed he placed his hand gently on the small of my back as he guided me out of the restaurant.   

It was a clear night, lots of people around and faint music in the background.   He walked me to the elevator where we had to go our separate ways.  He jokingly offered me his knuckles to do a knuckle bump as our goodnight exchange.   I looked at him with a furrowed brow and pursed lips to express my dislike. 

He quickly swept his arms around my waist, drew me in close and kissed me.    He kissed me romantically and softly at first but it became increasingly more passionate.    We broke our kiss and looked at each other, I was quite aware of the dreamy look I had on my face.  He smiled at me, and seemed to be laughing at me about the expression on my face.   

He quickly pulled me against him again and began kissing me passionately where the last kiss left off.    I bit his lower lip softly as I kissed him, remembering how much he liked that.   His kisses became harder and deeper and I didn’t want him to stop, but I knew we should.   We both pulled away, stared silently at each other and quietly said our goodnights. 

It was a great date and it felt incredible to be kissed like that again.  It made me feel happy and put a smile on my face for several days every time I thought about it.   There isn’t a plan or a “where is this going” conversation going on in my head right now at all.   I think we will see each other again soon and our dates will be pretty similar to this.  For the moment, it’s just perfect to be out with him, flirt and kiss without having to overthink what is going to happen. 

So, “The Three Exes and a Lady” story has a happy ending today.   Three exes, a smarter Lady, a few broken rules, closure, sexual frustration and finally some sexy, passionate kisses – not fairytale material necessarily, but things are getting better, much better. 


The Single Mom

Monday, July 30, 2012

Three Exes and a Lady

There are lots of great things happening and I can't wait to share it all with you!  First, I'd like to thank Circle of Moms for naming my blog one of the Top 25 Single Moms Blogs in the world... ya THAT world.  Sheesh, this is a pretty big deal for a new blogger like me.   I'm so honored to be among such talented company, and I am humbled that you've enjoyed being alongside me on this crazy ride.  Thank you so much for reading and all of your support, it means a lot to me.

Of course, you want to know what's going on in my personal life and I have an update...

My time sitting of on the edge of the dating pool came to an end when I gradually dipped my toes into the water.  It wasn’t an intentional move or wasn’t a part of a well-planned strategy, it simply just happened, organically… well, maybe with the help of a couple of beers, but still. 

As I’ve been dating and getting smarter, I’ve developed a few rules from my coursework at the School of Hard Knocks:  Don’t date outside of a (+ or –) 5 year age range of my own age, Don’t rush the physical phase of a relationship and NEVER, ever date an EX.    Rules… schmules… rules were made to be broken, right?  

Ex #1 – The Heat of Last Summer – Latin Lover

The first of the three exes is one of your favorite and mine, and well THE favorite of my “yummies” (my lady parts… ya THAT wink wink…) the suave, sexy and charming “Latin Lover” from last summer.  Ours was a star crossed long distance relationship that exploded by breaking all of the above rules and then some but it just didn’t matter in the slightest.  We were drawn to each other and our physical chemistry exploded from the very first minute like a house of fire.  Whew… I think I need a minute or two to collect my thoughts… sigh… it is really hot in here, isn’t it? 

Latin Lover and I have been keeping in touch, very casually and I was excited when I had an occasion to visit his city.  I didn’t know if he’d want to see me but he eagerly welcomed me and plans were set.   For an entire week, I was consumed by daydreams of him and what it would be like to see him again.  I thought about what I’d wear, what he’d look like, how romantic it would be, etc. only to have to cancel plans the day before because of an important issue in my son’s life.   In a moment’s time, my maturity went from a 40 something woman to a spoiled 4 year old, complete with stomping and pounding fists. (Sexual frustration???  Maybe…)  

Latin Lover was understanding and expressed his disappointment about the cancellation.  He handled it with a LOT more maturity than I did.   I wallowed and pouted for a couple of days but then eventually shook it off.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch and sent several flirty texts back and forth.   It was always exciting to hear from him, my adrenaline and my “yummies” went crazy every time I opened a text from him.  It was especially thrilling to get a text from him one night a couple of weeks ago that he was in my city for a meeting and wanted to see me!   

I looked at my phone again and could barely believe what I just read, he was HERE!  My hands shook as I typed back my replies.   My thoughts raced and I quickly glanced at what I had on, looked in the mirror to check my hair, I ran my hand over my legs as I plotted in my mind how I was going to have time to shave them before seeing him.    My thoughts were all over the place and my heart was racing, yet the reality of the situation sucked monkey balls – my next couple hours were committed to my oldest son and our weekly financial planning class.  DAMMIT!!!  
Being an adult is so overrated sometimes!!!  (Initiate 4 year old temper tantrum mode in 3… 2… 1…)    I could not believe my stupid luck and wanted to stomp around in circles and throw any object I could get my hands on.  Grrrrrrrr!

I didn’t let on to my son that anything was going on because I know he would have felt badly and encouraged me to go out.   I was angry for hours that night, in fact I couldn’t sleep.   All I could think about was being next to Latin Lover again, the way he smells, how romantic he is and how he looks at me.   It was a one person pity party and I felt extremely bitter for being a single parent and having to ALWAYS be the one to sacrifice having a personal life.   

I was literally cranky waking up the next morning thinking about it and was a cranky bitch going into work, but I knew I had to force myself to get over it.  Somehow I knew that it was more important to be with my son that night and that if Latin Lover really wanted to see me, he would have let me know he was coming into town with a little more notice.  Also, it would have been pretty lame of me to drop everything to see him, so at least I had that delish little nugget of pride as a yummy side dish to a big ol’ helping of sexual frustration.  Ah, denial is so tasty, huh?

Ex #2 – Long lost love, The Dentist

I haven’t written about this ex before, I dated him a couple of years before I started the blog.  So, I’ll just give you the basics about him, us and what went down.   The Dentist is about 13 or so years older than I am, financially stable and was extremely dominant in our relationship.   This relationship was the most serious one of all my dating experiences in my newfound single life.   Although we were together less than 6 months, marriage was in the plans and our lives were very connected. 

He enjoyed dating a younger woman and often called me his arm candy.   We had intelligent conversations and a lot of laughs.    It was a total shock when he broke things off with me suddenly to go back to one of his exgirlfriends.   Our breakup was quite ugly and regrettably a lot of hurtful things were said.   Over the past few years, we did make a reconciliation to be friends but there wasn’t any desire on my part to get back together now or ever. 

He recently ended a long relationship and started chatting me up again.  He insisted on taking me out to dinner to catch up.  I modified the plan for lunch and met him at a cute new bistro.   Hugs were exchanged and he complimented me on losing weight and looking tan as we followed the hostess to our table.  We caught up on our kids and all of the happenings of our friends and families and somehow the conversation shifted onto us.    The light, chatty tone quickly turned to a serious, deliberate one.  He cupped his hands over mine, locked eyes on me and told me how he regretted letting me go.

He continued by saying that he was a better person for knowing me and that he has so many fond memories of the times we spent together.   Basically, he missed me and didn’t expect me to trust him, but he truly hoped I could again, someday.    

I had to catch my breath and sort through the emotion of this conversation.  I stumbled through my words and attempted a graceful tiptoe around his ego, but think I was much more like the bull in the china shop imagery.    I appreciated his apology and I offered some of my own for being a post-breakup bitch, but I wasn’t actively looking to date and I really didn’t see dating him as a possibility.   I did sprinkle a spoonful of sugar or at least Splenda on top of those words but it obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

His name was written in black ink in my book of Ancient History and I’m not looking to make any revisions.   Since that lunch several weeks ago, he’s offered to take me to more dinners, lunches, events, festivals, rodeos, potlucks, grocery store openings, bar mitzvahs, etc.   However, I don’t think it’s fair to accept and do the “free meal” thing and build up his hopes.   He’s also dropped hints of buying me stuff and talked about little trips we could take.   Of course all of this sounds fanfreakintastic right now, especially compared to my current diet of bologna and ramen noodles, but it's not worth losing my self respect for a steak dinner.  
I've been holding my ground, trying to send clear signals and be honest, that's all I can do.  I don't feel anything romantic anymore for him and it wouldn't be fair to lead him on.   
So, that's it for Part One of Three Exes and a Lady... next part is Ex #3 and there is definitely some romance and some sizzle...  

The Single Mom

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Breaking my "Man Fast"

So, I’ve been on this self induced dating break, well more accurately, a break from ALL emotions, ties, friendships, laughter and joy, yup that just about sums it up.  Maybe I’m exaggerating a just little, but there for awhile in late spring I was in the middle of extremely stressful legal stuff  with my ex about child support.  As a result I got to take lots of super fun trips to court and have many legal mumbo jumbo good times, essentially a big barrel of monkeys.   In addition to working like a total nut job and having my kids all the time, the stress was unbearable and I was sinking deeper into this abyss of stinky doggie doo and I was seeing no way out, or even wanting one, really.

It was every bit as miserable as it sounds and was making me a cranky bitch to be around, no doubt.   I stopped writing and became a work robot, hating it but feeling so angry at my ex and the situation that he created that I never wanted to put myself “out there” emotionally again – not with friends, not with a dude, I only wanted to work and be with my kids.   That plan was working really good for me for several weeks.

Ironically, what pulled me out of this “man fast”, was… you guessed it, a man.  Nice irony there, huh?   It happened completely innocently and despite my best efforts to defend myself from it.   I actually met him and another guy at an after hours work event that I had to attend, blech.   I started talking to them because they are both local police officers in the area and I thought they’d be good to know.  

Ironically, both men were also going through nasty divorce issues and we were all exchanging “I hate the other sex” stories, sounds like fun, huh?    This lil fiesta o’ hate went on and we all were talking and laughing, but I was intentionally NOT flirting and had my sex kitten super powers on lockdown.   In fact, I left them at the super secret SMD headquarters cave, locked in the vault.

I didn’t think much about this little chit chat session , said my goodbyes and headed home.    It wasn’t until the next day that the younger, more good looking officer kept doing obvious flybys near my office.   We’d talk and for the next few days it was basically an extension of our cranky ex stories from the first night.    Our convos were peppered with some random bitching about life, his boss and the like but nothing major.

His little crush started becoming obvious to my coworkers because he’d find any reason to stop by and chat with me, but I was careful to not let my walls come down to this potential intruder.   I’d just get a few more kitties to reinforce my crazy cat lady status and would shoooo off this dude like it never happened.   Well, that was my plan and it sounded good, anyway.

There was something about him that made me feel safe, not just his uniform and stuff, but emotionally safe.  I couldn’t explain it but I found myself trusting him and opening up to him about things that I don’t normally share.  I was vulnerable with him for some odd reason and it was great having someone to talk to who didn’t seem like he judged me and that he understood where I was also.

The more my coworkers teased me about his crush on me, the more it started to chip away at my fears to like him.  Looking back now, I think that I rationalized that if he liked me enough to be obvious about it in front of my coworkers, that his feelings were probably legit. 

One day after only knowing him a couple of weeks,  he accidently blurted out, “I like you”.   It was so incredibly sweet and it changed the way I felt about him.   I looked down, blushed and started to like him even more.   

He was being vulnerable with me and it made me feel like a 13 year old little girl.    Well, let me correct that, I felt like a 13 year old girl with the dating street smarts of a 40 something woman – perfect combination, huh?    I was very careful to let him set the pace, not at all like what I’d normally do.  I was able to wait for him to come to me and found it irresistible one day when he found a flimsy work reason to give me his number. 

The first day we started texting, I was cautious to not be too flirty (ie sexual) too fast.   His personality is very different than mine, he’s very literal and I’m anything but; so it was sometimes hard to know if he understood me through text.   He was flirty with me but nothing too over the top.   It was becoming like a friendship that was evolving into more, naturally.  My excitement was growing and I looked forward to seeing him during the day. 

One day, I started getting texts from a number I didn’t know and it was obvious that it was someone from my new workplace.  This person talked about some of the events going on and how pretty I am, etc.  It was harmless and I thought I knew who it was but I was still extremely creeped out.   

I then felt like I had to let my crush know about it since it was a safety issue.   He was extremely protective of me and swooped in to make sure I was safe.    I texted him about it right when it started happening and honestly when I saw him the next day, I wanted to fall into his arms and have him hold me tight.  I tried to act like it didn’t bother me much, but truth is that it freaked me out.  I didn’t give the stalker my number, he watched me a lot and it bothered me.   However, I tried to hold onto my SMD bravado and act tough.   I’m pretty sure he saw right through it.

I’d love to tell you that he swept me off like a scene from The Bodyguard and whisked me off into a sunset, but sadly that isn’t how this story ends.  Actually, it basically just ends.   The stalker person stopped texting me right after I asked him to, which was good.  I can’t help it that I sometimes still wonder if he watches me, but I can’t let it bother me too much.

As for my crush he was in the process of a transfer  and our flirtation ended abruptly, inexplicably in fact.   It seemed like it was going somewhere, slowly, deliberately and carefully, but somewhere at least.   Truth is, it just didn’t go anywhere.    After several weeks of seeing him every day a few times a day, then texting for a few weeks it was just over.  Once he transferred, he just disconnected and it seemed really odd.

I’m not sure how to even begin to understand it but the one positive take away is that although this junior high flirtation didn’t go anywhere, it did help me to bring out my superdooper sex kitten super powers again from the vault.   The flirtation was a fun little distraction and it was flattering that this younger, good looking man was interested in me.   However, I was starting to feel close to him and see the possibility of us seeing each other and it hurt a little because I was starting to think I mattered to him.  I guess not.

Maybe  the better news for me, anyway is that it has brought me back to writing again.   I had an epiphany one day recently that the reason I stopped writing is that I didn’t want to feel anything anymore.  Writing causes me to name my feelings, describe my highs and lows and I just didn’t want to feel anything or be vulnerable for awhile.    Fortunately, I think I’m over that hurdle now.    Unfortunately, my time is very limited and my stress is abundant… so I don’t have a lot of time to A) date or B) write about dates, but at least I’m not a raging, cranky bitch.

I’m rockin the high heels, batting the eyelashes and enjoying the HELL out of being single this summer.   I have a couple other little crushes in the works and I’ve had a couple of “dates”…   (The “dates” are with ex’s, one who wants to reconcile badly, another who is deep in the emotional cave I was in and saddest of all, a cancelled date with the man who set my heart and my junk on fire last summer, Latin Lover…  I’ll get you up to speed soon, I promise.) 

So thank you for reading, I hope your summer is hot and steamy, wink wink.

The Single Mom