Monday, July 30, 2012

Three Exes and a Lady

There are lots of great things happening and I can't wait to share it all with you!  First, I'd like to thank Circle of Moms for naming my blog one of the Top 25 Single Moms Blogs in the world... ya THAT world.  Sheesh, this is a pretty big deal for a new blogger like me.   I'm so honored to be among such talented company, and I am humbled that you've enjoyed being alongside me on this crazy ride.  Thank you so much for reading and all of your support, it means a lot to me.

Of course, you want to know what's going on in my personal life and I have an update...

My time sitting of on the edge of the dating pool came to an end when I gradually dipped my toes into the water.  It wasn’t an intentional move or wasn’t a part of a well-planned strategy, it simply just happened, organically… well, maybe with the help of a couple of beers, but still. 

As I’ve been dating and getting smarter, I’ve developed a few rules from my coursework at the School of Hard Knocks:  Don’t date outside of a (+ or –) 5 year age range of my own age, Don’t rush the physical phase of a relationship and NEVER, ever date an EX.    Rules… schmules… rules were made to be broken, right?  

Ex #1 – The Heat of Last Summer – Latin Lover

The first of the three exes is one of your favorite and mine, and well THE favorite of my “yummies” (my lady parts… ya THAT wink wink…) the suave, sexy and charming “Latin Lover” from last summer.  Ours was a star crossed long distance relationship that exploded by breaking all of the above rules and then some but it just didn’t matter in the slightest.  We were drawn to each other and our physical chemistry exploded from the very first minute like a house of fire.  Whew… I think I need a minute or two to collect my thoughts… sigh… it is really hot in here, isn’t it? 

Latin Lover and I have been keeping in touch, very casually and I was excited when I had an occasion to visit his city.  I didn’t know if he’d want to see me but he eagerly welcomed me and plans were set.   For an entire week, I was consumed by daydreams of him and what it would be like to see him again.  I thought about what I’d wear, what he’d look like, how romantic it would be, etc. only to have to cancel plans the day before because of an important issue in my son’s life.   In a moment’s time, my maturity went from a 40 something woman to a spoiled 4 year old, complete with stomping and pounding fists. (Sexual frustration???  Maybe…)  

Latin Lover was understanding and expressed his disappointment about the cancellation.  He handled it with a LOT more maturity than I did.   I wallowed and pouted for a couple of days but then eventually shook it off.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch and sent several flirty texts back and forth.   It was always exciting to hear from him, my adrenaline and my “yummies” went crazy every time I opened a text from him.  It was especially thrilling to get a text from him one night a couple of weeks ago that he was in my city for a meeting and wanted to see me!   

I looked at my phone again and could barely believe what I just read, he was HERE!  My hands shook as I typed back my replies.   My thoughts raced and I quickly glanced at what I had on, looked in the mirror to check my hair, I ran my hand over my legs as I plotted in my mind how I was going to have time to shave them before seeing him.    My thoughts were all over the place and my heart was racing, yet the reality of the situation sucked monkey balls – my next couple hours were committed to my oldest son and our weekly financial planning class.  DAMMIT!!!  
Being an adult is so overrated sometimes!!!  (Initiate 4 year old temper tantrum mode in 3… 2… 1…)    I could not believe my stupid luck and wanted to stomp around in circles and throw any object I could get my hands on.  Grrrrrrrr!

I didn’t let on to my son that anything was going on because I know he would have felt badly and encouraged me to go out.   I was angry for hours that night, in fact I couldn’t sleep.   All I could think about was being next to Latin Lover again, the way he smells, how romantic he is and how he looks at me.   It was a one person pity party and I felt extremely bitter for being a single parent and having to ALWAYS be the one to sacrifice having a personal life.   

I was literally cranky waking up the next morning thinking about it and was a cranky bitch going into work, but I knew I had to force myself to get over it.  Somehow I knew that it was more important to be with my son that night and that if Latin Lover really wanted to see me, he would have let me know he was coming into town with a little more notice.  Also, it would have been pretty lame of me to drop everything to see him, so at least I had that delish little nugget of pride as a yummy side dish to a big ol’ helping of sexual frustration.  Ah, denial is so tasty, huh?

Ex #2 – Long lost love, The Dentist

I haven’t written about this ex before, I dated him a couple of years before I started the blog.  So, I’ll just give you the basics about him, us and what went down.   The Dentist is about 13 or so years older than I am, financially stable and was extremely dominant in our relationship.   This relationship was the most serious one of all my dating experiences in my newfound single life.   Although we were together less than 6 months, marriage was in the plans and our lives were very connected. 

He enjoyed dating a younger woman and often called me his arm candy.   We had intelligent conversations and a lot of laughs.    It was a total shock when he broke things off with me suddenly to go back to one of his exgirlfriends.   Our breakup was quite ugly and regrettably a lot of hurtful things were said.   Over the past few years, we did make a reconciliation to be friends but there wasn’t any desire on my part to get back together now or ever. 

He recently ended a long relationship and started chatting me up again.  He insisted on taking me out to dinner to catch up.  I modified the plan for lunch and met him at a cute new bistro.   Hugs were exchanged and he complimented me on losing weight and looking tan as we followed the hostess to our table.  We caught up on our kids and all of the happenings of our friends and families and somehow the conversation shifted onto us.    The light, chatty tone quickly turned to a serious, deliberate one.  He cupped his hands over mine, locked eyes on me and told me how he regretted letting me go.

He continued by saying that he was a better person for knowing me and that he has so many fond memories of the times we spent together.   Basically, he missed me and didn’t expect me to trust him, but he truly hoped I could again, someday.    

I had to catch my breath and sort through the emotion of this conversation.  I stumbled through my words and attempted a graceful tiptoe around his ego, but think I was much more like the bull in the china shop imagery.    I appreciated his apology and I offered some of my own for being a post-breakup bitch, but I wasn’t actively looking to date and I really didn’t see dating him as a possibility.   I did sprinkle a spoonful of sugar or at least Splenda on top of those words but it obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

His name was written in black ink in my book of Ancient History and I’m not looking to make any revisions.   Since that lunch several weeks ago, he’s offered to take me to more dinners, lunches, events, festivals, rodeos, potlucks, grocery store openings, bar mitzvahs, etc.   However, I don’t think it’s fair to accept and do the “free meal” thing and build up his hopes.   He’s also dropped hints of buying me stuff and talked about little trips we could take.   Of course all of this sounds fanfreakintastic right now, especially compared to my current diet of bologna and ramen noodles, but it's not worth losing my self respect for a steak dinner.  
I've been holding my ground, trying to send clear signals and be honest, that's all I can do.  I don't feel anything romantic anymore for him and it wouldn't be fair to lead him on.   
So, that's it for Part One of Three Exes and a Lady... next part is Ex #3 and there is definitely some romance and some sizzle...  

The Single Mom


Suz said...

You CAN"T leave us hanging like this.....

singlemom said...

Aw, sorry Suz... not intentional to leave you hangin, the post was just way too long. I'm planning on having it finished tomorrow... Thanks for reading!! xo

Jenniffer said...

I can't WAIT for tomorrow's post!!!!! I've been getting all the Tweet updates and it's freaking driving me crazy lol I wanna know who #3 is!! lol