Thursday, August 9, 2012

What we’ve learned from Fifty Shades of Grey

In just a few words:  women are horny.  Please allow me to expand on my hypothesis…

I don’t remember the first time this book popped into my consciousness, but it seemed to be like a typhoon in my conservative, upper income, suburb.   My neighborhood friends were all hot and bothered by it, lighting up Facebook, posting statuses that rivaled the passion of someone sportin a new SUV on the cul de sac.    It reminded me of when my junior high passed around a copy of The Amityville Horror and the hysteria that book inspired in my junior high.   Yet this was a different hysteria and I can’t help but to put my own sarcastic and irreverent spin on the horny housewife humpfest summer of 2012…

This book opened up a sexual Pandora’s Box that has touched many a nerve… well and maybe a few specific nerves… wink wink.   I’ve been invited to women’s sex toy parties inspired by this book and Magic Mike parties.     My married friends were disappointed that I didn’t join them to see this oiled up six pack and man meat gyrations on the big screen.  

I admit it sounds kinda good, but having a night out to indulge in a fantasy isn’t as necessary for me as it is to them, I haven’t been waking up to the same dude for 20 plus years like they have.   To restate this in my totally mature writing voice: “nanananabooboo”.

If this Shades of Grey craziness has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of middle age women have a sexual craving that isn’t being fulfilled or even expressed.   How sad is that?    It’s easy to talk about going to see a hot, greased up, sexy dude in a G-string shake his man meat, but it’s far more difficult to talk about the deeper longing some women apparently have.    

The role I play for my married friends is the guinea pig.    Their curiosity was peaked after reading 50 Shades and they asked me if the s&m sexual relationship like the one portrayed in the book was “normal” out there in dating land.   A few of them were so aroused by the dominance in the book that they wanted to experiment with it in their own bedrooms.    Maybe make it their own in a freaky, married, missionary style wackiness, but still. 

It hit me in a profound way once I thought about it from a totally different perspective.   Men are portrayed as sexual beasts and it’s accepted as a reality in our culture to some extent an expectation that men are driven by sexual urges – encouraged even.   Yet, when a woman has the same urges and God forbid acts upon them, our society is quick to throw a label all over her.   Think about what words we have to describe a sexually active man, I can’t think of one.  Yet compare that to what we call the same woman: slut, whore, loose, etc…  

We’ve come a long way since being a little hard on the Beaver last night and cooking dinner wearing a string of pearls, but how do we go further?   Obviously, talking about it is a huge step.   Next, how do we remove the stigma that a sexual woman isn’t something hideous?   I’d like to throw a challenge out there to anyone reading this that you pause and think about it next time you instinctively label a woman for being sexual.  

Here’s my 2 pennies:  for me being sexual works better when there are some boundaries, not platinum and diamond ones, but some.   For starters I need, respect, attraction, understanding or in a pinch tequila.   It just works better I’m not going to have to not make eye contact with someone or I’m worried that I’ll never hear from the dude again.  Wishful thinking?  Yes of course, but I’m going to always go for what I want.

I encourage you to push out your comfort zone a little, think about expanding your bedroom routine.   I can tell you that since being single and being at the smorgasbord, I’ve liked a few things put on my plate… wink, wink.   
Thank you for reading and have a little fun out there.

The Single Mom


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