Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Dating Game: Bachelor #3

Was my crappy luck in the dating game over or was it about to change?   My date with Bachelor #1 was awkward, Bachelor #2 was a good date but I didn’t go home with him and as a result there wasn’t a date number 2.  So, was the third man going to be the charm? 

My first date with Bachelor #3 was a casual lunch get together that didn’t really even feel like a date.  We met on Twitter, chatted back and forth and made a last minute lunch “date”.    I’d just come from a job interview, was in a suit and was still decompressing from the pressure of being grilled.  Heck, how much more pressure should I put on myself than to have a first date right after an interview?  Sheesh that’s a big ol’ stress sandwich.  

I enjoyed our lunch conversation and it was effortless.  We instantly seemed comfortable with each other, asked “get to know you” questions peppered with a lot of random humor.   This date wasn’t long after the full court press that Bachelor #2 put on me and so having a funny conversation with a man was a welcomed surprise.   After lunch, we hugged and talked about getting together and I looked forward to that.  I had a great time, we connected and it was so low key, exactly what I needed.

As the next couple of days went by, we kept in touch but he wasn’t making typical aggresive male moves.  He casually asked me on a date for the next weekend.   We set a date for a movie and met at the theatre on Saturday night.  I was very relaxed to see him, getting ready was stress free, although I fixed my makeup and hair for a date, I didn’t think much about what to wear. 

We met up, exchanged quick hugs and bought our tickets.   We also bought the monster trough of popcorn, large enough to feed a small third world country.   Seating was limited, but we made our way inside the comfy theatre and settled in for the show.   We hadn’t broken any kind of physical date contact barriers yet and I could sense he was contemplating making the typical arm around the shoulder move or some other similar gesture.   So, we exchanged casual chit chat through the previews while I imagined he was planning a move.

It felt comfortable being with him, maybe too comfortable if that’s possible.  After the other recent dates and having to feel like I was defending myself it was nice to not have to worry.  We exchanged quiet chit chat during the previews and I playfully snuck bites of his popcorn.  

I felt relaxed and being with him was incredibly easy.   Once the movie started, I made a joke about how he could do the pretend yawn move so that he could put his arm around me.   Maybe it was me being a control freak or maybe I wanted to rescue him from wondering if was going to be ok.   He seemed happy to have the “green light” and he moved the arm rest between us so that I could snuggle closer. 

It struck me as a little odd having this intimate kind of physical contact with someone before having our first kiss, but it also felt comfortable, like slipping on a favorite sweater.   We saw an action movie and enjoyed reacting to the plot twists with each other.    My feet were tucked under me, comfortably and his arm rested casually around my waist, touching the bare skin between the waist of my jeans and my blouse.  It was a sensual feeling and certainly wasn’t out of bounds for us being on just a second date.  

Once the movie ended, we made plans to have dinner at the Irish Pub a block away, a place I’ve spent many evenings and was the setting of many fun and romantic memories for me.   He arrived first and claimed a table in the cozy library room.    We ordered dinner and drinks and immediately started talking.  For some reason, tonight’s conversation was much more serious.  
He talked about his divorce and some serious health challenges he endured.  I listened intently and shared a little about some things I’ve been through as well.   However, I wasn’t expecting the evening to have such a serious tone, unlike our first date.   I tried to inject some humor and I wasn’t sure I hit the mark of the levity I tried for because it felt like I might have offended him with my joking. 

I enjoy real conversations and I surely don’t want to participate in superficial ones, but I wasn’t prepared for tonight to be so heavy.  I wondered if he felt like he wanted to disclose these details in the name of honesty, as a confession requirement for a relationship, or if it was just something he felt like he needed to talk about.   Either way, I appreciated that he felt like he could trust me with such personal information but I wondered if he still had some healing to do from his divorce, I wasn’t sure.    It was such a serious conversation that it wasn’t conducive to my typical flirty moves and charm, so I was beginning to question if there was an attraction, it was difficult to decode.

We both had light dinners, finished the conversation on a positive note, and we decided to call it a night.  He put his arm around me as he walked me to my car in the crisp fall air.   It felt more relaxed and I was wondering if he’d kiss me as we walked along the sidewalk.   I pointed out my car and we stopped in front of it to exchange goodbyes.  He towered over me by more than a foot and our long hug soon became a longer kiss, and then several more.   We kissed long and passionately under the stars.    

His arms reached tightly around my waist as he pulled me close to him as his kisses became intense.   I felt his hands graze over my ass as he cupped me tightly against him as we kissed.    I enjoyed kissing him and I felt wanted, as my attraction for him was starting to increase.   His passion intensified as he grabbed my head while his kisses became hot like fire in my mouth.  As we kissed, his fingers moved up through my hair, grabbing the roots.  It was a sexy moment and I became aware I was making an audible moaning sound, but I wasn’t going to stop. 

A lot of thoughts were racing through my head as we kissed and it felt good to know that we had physical chemistry since I generally liked him as a person.   I was lost in the feeling of being swept away by his kisses and as we stopped, I tried to talk coherently, but it took me a few seconds to rattle myself back into the moment.

We ended the night with warm fuzzies, happy thoughts and promises to see each other again soon.  Yet, after the date, we kept in touch but my life took a swift turn down the 'ol toilet.   

My ex became a real ass to our youngest son and hasn’t participated in his life since.  It’s made me have to juggle everything and has reduced my social life down to the bare bones, sadly.    Out of fairness, I did give Bachelor #3 some basic details of the happenings of my life and I understand if he decided to let things settle for awhile.   I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see more of each other but for the short term, my main focus has to be on my son and getting him through this.   

It’s been a difficult emotional landscape for my son, affected his grades tremendously and I’m also trying to balance it with my work and my own challenges.   Honestly, it’s been a challenge to be everything, pick him up from school when he’s sick, get my work done, wearing all these hats has been a source of major stress.

I tried to make the holidays as celebratory as I could, but I could sense my son was feeling an undercurrent of rejection and pain.   Somehow, I know we will get through this and be better for it.  I know I will, I have to and I hope that this new year has lots more kisses and warm fuzzies in store for me.   I am still talking to Latin Lover, but his life is stressful at the moment too.   So, I'm trying to just keep my focus on what is important today, and that's my son.

This is a season in my life that parenting has to come first and it’s only temporary, so I’m going to pass through it and know that it’s all falling into place the way it needs to.   I’ve come so far this year and I have so many exciting things ahead, I know I’m close and I can see good things coming.   Thank you for being patient, I'd love to be able to write more but haven't had time off until this break.

I thank you so much for reading, for sending me good thoughts and I hope your holiday season is wonderful!

The Single Mom


Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Dating Game... 3 New Eligible Bachelors...

For those of you who email/tweet/Facebook me with advice about my dating life, I hear one criticism frequently – that I need to stop dating ex’s and date NEW men.  I appreciate any feedback and in this case I completely agree and I have been trying to do that… well except for the recent date with “Latin Lover”.   That date was somewhat one of curioisity and well not gonna sugarcoat it, down and dirty Miss naughty pants stuff. 

Yet, I know that I need to open up (carefully) to new men and have been taking baby steps doing that.  I just haven’t been able to catch you up until now on how that’s been going and what new ways I’ve gotten my ass kicked by it.   Yay, go me!  Meh.  

There have been some fun dates, first kisses, good guys, attraction and mixed signals, maybe even from me.   Admittedly, I’m not great at navigating through these murky waters of dating and it has probably made all this more complicated because I’m trying to resolve the feelings that have come to the surface after seeing Latin Lover again.

I’m trying to keep a frame of mind about Latin Lover that I’m just going to let whatever is going to happen to be and not get too excited about it.   Usually this delusion lasts about 3 seconds and in my mind the next moment we are running across a field of daisies, toward each other, arms outstretched (which other than not knowing where a field of daisies is, it  could totally happen).   

However, I recently went on a dating spree.  All these dates happened within the same week, which was probably not a good idea in and of itself.   There were some good moments, nice first kisses and well of course awkward moments too…

Bachelor #1

I started talking to a few men on Twitter, which has been such a bad decision in the past.  It isn’t Twitter, it is that my “persona” on Twitter is maybe a little bit of a fantasy.  That isn’t to sound like I think too much of myself, but 90% of my tweets are from naughty, shiny side of me.    I think the expectation is that I always cook in my heels and talk dirty 24/7 (almost true, but not exactly, lol).

I did meet a man on Twitter though who was really sincere, a writer himself and broken.   We started sending messages back and forth and my role early seemed to be consoling him.  The first time we talked on the phone we totally hit it off and talked for 4 hours into the wee hours of the morning.   It was a powerful, connected conversation.  It did go near “Dirtytown” and unfortunately I think that’s where this train wrecked and burned, burning alive all the passengers inside. (not to be too dramatic, or anything)

I also made a “Rookie Mistake” which I shouldn’t have.  I know better.    I was a dumbass and met him at his place.   Fortunately, he wasn’t one of “those guys” but I know he wanted that to happen and he became awkward and uncomfortable.  Maybe it was just normal nerves but unfortunately it triggered a horrible flashback in my past.   We went on with the date, went to cute little spot near his apartment and went through the motions.   Unfortunately, there was just no way for me to pull myself out of this emotional funk.  We ended the night with good intentions to see each other and a good night kiss, but I just wanted to hibernate.   As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed, pulled the covers over my head and cried thinking of my past hurts and that feeling lingered for a couple of days.

It wasn’t his fault at all, it was probably more mine.  However, I don’t really think the timing was good for him and I have to chalk it up to a learning experience.

Bachelor #2

He saw me on a dating site and emailed the hell outta me.   I didn’t have a membership so I could only send him one email, which I did after about 5 from him, giving him my personal email address.   He seemed a little like a pompous jerk and although I couldn’t even read everything he sent me, it seemed to be driving him bat shit crazy that I wasn’t emailing him.    Once the email correspondence started, he revealed a side of him that was sweet, vulnerable and overall not-assholeish.  

We texted and clicked.  Clearly, he was really falling for my goofiness and dorkiness -- it’s my tractor beam that sucks them in every time.  Pity, really.   Just kiddin, but I was starting to let my guard down with him and share more about myself.  We had some favorite songs in common and it opened the door for some inside jokes and cute flirting.   We were careful not be too flirty and it seemed like our first date was going to be one for the books.   Before we even went out, he was setting up our second date and dropped hints of taking me along to Chicago for a business trip with him the following week.   I have to admit, it didn’t suck.

For our first date, he planned an innocent date that would have been “Leave it to Beaver” approved --  indoor mini golf near my house.  When he got there he made sure to be obvious by texting me to look out for his BMW in the parking lot, which this was one of several overt references he made to his financial success.   *Gag*    

Anyhoo, the date was fun.  He seemed nervous to meet me and in an attempt to impress me tried to show off his mini golf swag.   Whenever he could, he stood near me and I could tell he was attracted to me, which was nice to know early.   He was dark and handsome, but not as confident as I would have liked. However, I was beginning to like him in person.

After golfing, we headed outside on the cold night and had our first kiss.   He was a little nervous, grabbed my head and kissed me hard.  The kiss led to several more and they were passionate.   After a few minute kissing sesh, he leaned up against his BMW to lay the ol’ sales pitch on me for me to come to his house to continue the evening.  It was about as subtle as the moment on “The Bachelor” when there is an envelope inviting the other to the fantasy suite for the evening and both people know what’s about to go down.

I couldn’t be out late because it was a work/school night for one.  Second, I was not about to go to his house on a first date.  He insisted that he wasn’t going to push intimacy and that nothing would happen that wasn’t a good idea.   I didn’t want the date to end, so I offered that instead we have a drink at a nearby pub and continue the night.    He wouldn’t have it and tried his best to persuade me.   Neither one of us budged so we parted for the night with a lot of kisses and date number two planned for the next night.  

The next day just so happened to be election day and not a good financial day for Bachelor #2, as he is a Financial Planner.   He texted me to cancel the date and was a total a-hole about how he lost a lot of money in the market that day and lashed out at me.   I was done.  

He didn’t try to apologize or even backpedal.  I think his ego was so bruised from me “rejecting” his offer to come to his place that he just couldn’t get over it, I’m not sure.  However, I was sure that he wasn’t the one for me.

Next time:  Bachelor #3… two dates, attraction but maybe some mixed messages… 

Thanks for reading!


The Single Mom