Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Dating Game: Bachelor #3


 
Was my crappy luck in the dating game over or was it about to change?   My date with Bachelor #1 was awkward, Bachelor #2 was a good date but I didn’t go home with him and as a result there wasn’t a date number 2.  So, was the third man going to be the charm? 

My first date with Bachelor #3 was a casual lunch get together that didn’t really even feel like a date.  We met on Twitter, chatted back and forth and made a last minute lunch “date”.    I’d just come from a job interview, was in a suit and was still decompressing from the pressure of being grilled.  Heck, how much more pressure should I put on myself than to have a first date right after an interview?  Sheesh that’s a big ol’ stress sandwich.  

I enjoyed our lunch conversation and it was effortless.  We instantly seemed comfortable with each other, asked “get to know you” questions peppered with a lot of random humor.   This date wasn’t long after the full court press that Bachelor #2 put on me and so having a funny conversation with a man was a welcomed surprise.   After lunch, we hugged and talked about getting together and I looked forward to that.  I had a great time, we connected and it was so low key, exactly what I needed.

As the next couple of days went by, we kept in touch but he wasn’t making typical aggresive male moves.  He casually asked me on a date for the next weekend.   We set a date for a movie and met at the theatre on Saturday night.  I was very relaxed to see him, getting ready was stress free, although I fixed my makeup and hair for a date, I didn’t think much about what to wear. 

We met up, exchanged quick hugs and bought our tickets.   We also bought the monster trough of popcorn, large enough to feed a small third world country.   Seating was limited, but we made our way inside the comfy theatre and settled in for the show.   We hadn’t broken any kind of physical date contact barriers yet and I could sense he was contemplating making the typical arm around the shoulder move or some other similar gesture.   So, we exchanged casual chit chat through the previews while I imagined he was planning a move.

It felt comfortable being with him, maybe too comfortable if that’s possible.  After the other recent dates and having to feel like I was defending myself it was nice to not have to worry.  We exchanged quiet chit chat during the previews and I playfully snuck bites of his popcorn.  

I felt relaxed and being with him was incredibly easy.   Once the movie started, I made a joke about how he could do the pretend yawn move so that he could put his arm around me.   Maybe it was me being a control freak or maybe I wanted to rescue him from wondering if was going to be ok.   He seemed happy to have the “green light” and he moved the arm rest between us so that I could snuggle closer. 

It struck me as a little odd having this intimate kind of physical contact with someone before having our first kiss, but it also felt comfortable, like slipping on a favorite sweater.   We saw an action movie and enjoyed reacting to the plot twists with each other.    My feet were tucked under me, comfortably and his arm rested casually around my waist, touching the bare skin between the waist of my jeans and my blouse.  It was a sensual feeling and certainly wasn’t out of bounds for us being on just a second date.  

Once the movie ended, we made plans to have dinner at the Irish Pub a block away, a place I’ve spent many evenings and was the setting of many fun and romantic memories for me.   He arrived first and claimed a table in the cozy library room.    We ordered dinner and drinks and immediately started talking.  For some reason, tonight’s conversation was much more serious.  
He talked about his divorce and some serious health challenges he endured.  I listened intently and shared a little about some things I’ve been through as well.   However, I wasn’t expecting the evening to have such a serious tone, unlike our first date.   I tried to inject some humor and I wasn’t sure I hit the mark of the levity I tried for because it felt like I might have offended him with my joking. 

I enjoy real conversations and I surely don’t want to participate in superficial ones, but I wasn’t prepared for tonight to be so heavy.  I wondered if he felt like he wanted to disclose these details in the name of honesty, as a confession requirement for a relationship, or if it was just something he felt like he needed to talk about.   Either way, I appreciated that he felt like he could trust me with such personal information but I wondered if he still had some healing to do from his divorce, I wasn’t sure.    It was such a serious conversation that it wasn’t conducive to my typical flirty moves and charm, so I was beginning to question if there was an attraction, it was difficult to decode.

We both had light dinners, finished the conversation on a positive note, and we decided to call it a night.  He put his arm around me as he walked me to my car in the crisp fall air.   It felt more relaxed and I was wondering if he’d kiss me as we walked along the sidewalk.   I pointed out my car and we stopped in front of it to exchange goodbyes.  He towered over me by more than a foot and our long hug soon became a longer kiss, and then several more.   We kissed long and passionately under the stars.    

His arms reached tightly around my waist as he pulled me close to him as his kisses became intense.   I felt his hands graze over my ass as he cupped me tightly against him as we kissed.    I enjoyed kissing him and I felt wanted, as my attraction for him was starting to increase.   His passion intensified as he grabbed my head while his kisses became hot like fire in my mouth.  As we kissed, his fingers moved up through my hair, grabbing the roots.  It was a sexy moment and I became aware I was making an audible moaning sound, but I wasn’t going to stop. 

A lot of thoughts were racing through my head as we kissed and it felt good to know that we had physical chemistry since I generally liked him as a person.   I was lost in the feeling of being swept away by his kisses and as we stopped, I tried to talk coherently, but it took me a few seconds to rattle myself back into the moment.

We ended the night with warm fuzzies, happy thoughts and promises to see each other again soon.  Yet, after the date, we kept in touch but my life took a swift turn down the 'ol toilet.   

My ex became a real ass to our youngest son and hasn’t participated in his life since.  It’s made me have to juggle everything and has reduced my social life down to the bare bones, sadly.    Out of fairness, I did give Bachelor #3 some basic details of the happenings of my life and I understand if he decided to let things settle for awhile.   I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see more of each other but for the short term, my main focus has to be on my son and getting him through this.   

It’s been a difficult emotional landscape for my son, affected his grades tremendously and I’m also trying to balance it with my work and my own challenges.   Honestly, it’s been a challenge to be everything, pick him up from school when he’s sick, get my work done, wearing all these hats has been a source of major stress.

I tried to make the holidays as celebratory as I could, but I could sense my son was feeling an undercurrent of rejection and pain.   Somehow, I know we will get through this and be better for it.  I know I will, I have to and I hope that this new year has lots more kisses and warm fuzzies in store for me.   I am still talking to Latin Lover, but his life is stressful at the moment too.   So, I'm trying to just keep my focus on what is important today, and that's my son.

This is a season in my life that parenting has to come first and it’s only temporary, so I’m going to pass through it and know that it’s all falling into place the way it needs to.   I’ve come so far this year and I have so many exciting things ahead, I know I’m close and I can see good things coming.   Thank you for being patient, I'd love to be able to write more but haven't had time off until this break.

I thank you so much for reading, for sending me good thoughts and I hope your holiday season is wonderful!
Smooches,

The Single Mom

 

24 comments:

Suz said...

Good on you for putting your son first AND I know that it kind of sucks because wouldn't it be nice to have something just yours that makes you feel good that wasn't impacted by your ex and his stupid behavior. My personal life (or lackthereof) completely revolves around my ex's terrible actions and needing to always be the available and present parent because they can't handle 2 selfish parents in their lives.
But, 1- my relationship with my boys is beyond wonderful because of it and 2 - there are men out there who are also willing to put my children first and roll with my life as it is.
Hang in there.

singlemom said...

Thanks, Suz I appreciate your comment, it helps a lot and I know I'm doing the right thing, but it doesn't make getting through the day to day any easier, but I feel worse for my son who has to be hurt. Your words lifted me up and I'm so glad you took the time to brighten my day with a little hope. Smooches!

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Jon alen said...

Totally agree with all these. Unfortunately, I have met men who have had all of these traits. I am by nature a pleaser and love giving to my partner, but have learned to back off a bit and reserve that for the man who is deserving and not selfish. When a man is really into pleasing me, it makes me want to please him even more, and it's a win-win for everyone!
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Rajsheda Griffin said...

I thought I was the only one going through these experiences of dating as a single mom! Things are so hard for us/ harder even! I commend you for your blog and I hope you don't mind if I follow you! Check out the blog I just wrote on the struggle of dating men and not knowing how to approach the situation...

singlemom said...

Thanks for the great comments, I really appreciate the fellowship of other single moms trying to make sense of all of this craziness! Smooches!

Joy said...

Like all your posts, I loved this one ever so much. Thank you for sharing. I am hoping that Bachelor #3 will understand and will be a patient spectator until your life settles. I totally understand being the only one in the child's life as my loser ex took off on my kids' life and I'm left to handle the mess. You are amazing and I do hope you get a lunch or coffee break while your son is in school with Bachelor #3, he seems to have potential. I also think that he discussing his break up means he's ready to open up about it and that's always good with a guy :) So looking forward to your next post!!!! Again Thank you for sharing.

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