Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Work, Naked Time and Flaming Bags of Dog Poop

I’m still looking for the license number of the semi-truck that mowed me over a couple of months ago.  Whew it truly feels like I’ve been run over because life has been chaotic, exhausting and I’ve missed having time to write and sort it all out.  I started a new job this fall and have been working in an office fulltime AND working my freelance marketing jobs.   My schedule has changed dramatically and I’ve been overwhelmed adjusting to it while trying to learn a new job and managing to keep everything going at home.  

It has kept me out of trouble (mostly) and it’s a job with physical activity, so it has taken me awhile to catch up, physically and mentally.  I wake up early to my freelance work so that I can be at my job at 9:00 am.   I’ve been so exhausted that I usually drop from fatigue shortly after coming home at night.  “Dating” or anything that resembles it has been mostly unrealistic these past couple of months. 

To be honest with you, I’ve been bitter that I have to work such long days to provide for my son while my ex doesn’t.   I also still have my teenage son every day and night, so having time to date and have private time (i.e. naked time) is unrealistic.  It’s all I can do most days just to get through and while the desire is there for a passionate kiss, arms around me, or a special “naked hug”, it’s not likely to happen. 

I have been talking to and even briefly seen a couple of men from my past, one of whom things started to seem like they may be working out (finally).   Things were going well, we were connecting, the passion was back and all was going well until it abruptly ended up like a flaming bag of dog poo on the doorstep.   Unfortunately, he abruptly lost his job and had to switch gears to focus on his job hunt… thus the flaming bag of dog poo.   You know, life can be like that: one minute you’re on the front porch bathed in moonlight, sharing a stolen kiss, and the next you’re stomping a flaming paper bag of dog poo.  Yup, I think we all can relate. 

On top of that, I’m not bitter or anything that my ex recently remarried or even has time to have more than an hour a month of “naked time”.  Nope, not bitter at all.   I’m also not bitter that said “naked time” isn’t stolen moments rushing between dropping off a child or having to cancel a date last minute to stay with a sick child… nope not even one lousy ounce of bitter, uh huh. 

I’m totally not bitter or cranky and not becoming resentful because I have to work myself to exhaustion while my ex gets to watch everything on Netflix three times over just because he’s bored… and let’s not even talk about “naked time” that I can’t have.  

I had an emotional meltdown a few weeks ago when I had to cancel two dates in a week because of mom responsibilities.   It really isn’t fair that all the responsibility to parent is on me but I’ve come to accept that it’s my reality now.   The bitterness and anger started to eat at my soul and I had to dig deep to realize that I had to start letting it go so for my own happiness.  There's no universal formula to deal with the aftermath of divorce because there are so many different situations and they can change drastically through the years.  

I can feel good that down the road, I’ll be close to my kids and my ex has squandered these years with them.  I tell myself there will be a lot of time for me to date in a few years, I just hope that I still want to and I still have my teeth -- or at least most of them when the time comes.   

As far as dating, it’s been a frustrating, ok sexually frustrating… there, I said it… situation lately.  The rub is that while we I was seeing the man this fall (Mr. bag of dog poop)  exclusively, we still weren’t quite ready to meet each other’s kids.   This would have made it a little easier to see each other, but our love was thwarted by the now obvious romance killer, ie the bag o’ poop.   

The current circumstances have put the kibosh on this relationship.   As far as me, I know my life is going to get easier and I’m grateful that things are falling into place.  In fact, I’m incredibly excited about the future but as always, ever on the lookout for the bags-of-you-know-what!

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year!


The Single Mom